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Publicaciones del Canal
Looking for people willing to answer a few questions for a student research project (anonymous)
Hi everyone! I'm a student working on a research project about relationships, specifically about how people tell the difference between being asexual and just having low desire for their specific partner (not their orientation).
I'm looking for a few people (in any kind of relationship) who'd be willing to answer a short set of questions. It's completely anonymous and voluntary.... you can skip any question or stop anytime. This is just for a school assignment, not published anywhere.
If you're open to helping, comment below or DM me and I'll send you the questions (or a short Google Form).
Thank you so much, this really helps me finish my project!
https://redd.it/1wzw9o1
@asexualityonreddit
| 2 | I just found out I'm ace after getting married
I'm currently in a very stressful situation. I'd appreciate anyone who reads this, it's okay if you don't have any advice/solution for me, but I hope I can find people with similar circumstances to mine.
I'm F/27, living in a very conservative and LGBTphobic country, where sex can only be done after marriage. Ever since I was 25, my parents always pressured me to get married ASAP, telling me to use dating apps everyday. Personally I never cared about having relationships or marriage, and I felt pressured but I had to do it. Finally, I met my husband through dating app, we got married just 6 months after knowing each other for the first time. It's been 2 months since our marriage and until now I still feel like this marriage was forced, but I also love my husband like how I'd love my family and closest friends.
In my country's belief, a married couple must have sex as soon as possible (usually within the first 2 weeks). And that a wife must not deny her husband's request to do sex, or else it's a sin. I never outright refused him, but everytime we tried to do it, I felt like I wanted to die. I'd be stiff as a rock and try to block him out of my mind, and I didn't feel the slightest bit of arousal. He would notice this, and would stop, so in the end we haven't successfully done it. But he doesn't understand the problem, and thought that we could try again the next day, and the next, and so on. He would try to do it every night, and I'd feel dread every night too, to the point I'm having headaches. I even tried following advices from my friends who have done sex before, about what to do, how to feel good. And none of it just worked, it only made me feel more disgusted. And only a few days ago, I found out about asexuality. I asked my friends who are from another country, and told them about my condition. They said I'm definitely an ace, who never realized it because I was never in a sexual situation until now.
Now the problem is, I can't just tell him I'm an ace. Like most people in my country, he's LGBTphobic too.
My big brother is also ace, but he said he forced himself and thought of it as just "another activity". He recommended me to drink some meds that can turn me on... I'm having mixed feelings about this. What should I do? I feel bad for my brother too, he's doing it due to societal pressure.
(Note: I can't run away. I have nowhere to go and I don't have enough funds)
https://redd.it/1wzrlq6
@asexualityonreddit | 10 |
| 3 | Am I asexual?
Hi !
I don’t know if this is the right forum to ask this. Sorry if it is not!
I am a straight female btw if that changes anything?
Anyway, I have been wondering about this for a while. I was raised in a religious household and I am religious myself but I am not homophobic. I do not find anything wrong in loving whoever you want and being whoever you want. But I fear my religious background is making me question if I am in fact asexual. I am just very confused.
I have been hypersexual for some part of my life since I was in elementary, I don’t know why. I don’t like it, i’m ashamed of that part of myself because it is frowned upon in my culture and such. And I have always felt disgusting after. I have never really felt sexual attraction to a person really, it’s just the act itself, as if my body replies on its own. I don’t like the idea of having a partner to participate or whatnot in the sexual activities.
I have never had a relationship, only once but I was young and it lasted three months. Like two months in we kissed once and held hands mostly. I wasn’t open into doing more. We were young and I don’t know, i’ve never felt comfortable with physical affection. Mainly from guys. I am so uncomfortable with it and I don’t know why, but it has been that way for as long as I can remember. I am fine with hugs though I feel tense when my friends hug me, I don’t mind it truly and sometimes do like hugs and is rather touched starved in that aspect.
But whenever the topic of having sex, anything sexually is brought up, I am so uncomfortable I feel sick to my stomach. My friends are quite rather freaky, for the lack of a better word. Not that there is anything wrong with that. They just say things, sexual things, they’d want. In a relationship etc. I listen and I try to act like I get it but I hate hearing about it. I can’t even look at a picture or video of it. When it’s a topic of discussion, I just want to practically rip off my skin. It’s that uncomfortable.
When having kids, major part of my religion and culture, is brought up, I can’t fathom that. I can’t imagine myself doing any sexual activities with anyone. I don’t feel comfortable showing my body to anyone, I can’t imagine being naked and that vulnerable. Even to a partner.
I love the idea of holding hands, hugging, cuddling. That’s literally all I think about when I think of a crush I have, or someone I like, and I in a relationship. I would rather date to marry and don’t want short casual dates either.
I don’t know if any of that means anything or i’m overthinking. I just thought I’d ask. Thank you for reading this :)
https://redd.it/1wzsw4o
@asexualityonreddit | 12 |
| 4 |  I can't believe they published the art I made for this subreddit (/asexuality) without my permission, just to be prejudiced
https://redd.it/1wzkol6
@asexualityonreddit | 14 |
| 5 | My mom just thinks it’s abstinence…
/r/asexuality/comments/1wzmbc3/my_mom_just_thinks_its_abstinence/
https://redd.it/1wzmd2i
@asexualityonreddit | 23 |
| 6 | +1 Sin texto... | 21 |
| 7 | Title
https://redd.it/1wzl7dw
@asexualityonreddit | 22 |
| 8 | My partner may be ace but they are not sure.
/r/asexuality/comments/1wzaxyv/my_partner_may_be_ace_but_they_are_not_sure/
https://redd.it/1wzaybo
@asexualityonreddit | 20 |
| 9 | Why does sex repulsion get treated as “puritanical” or “extremist” or “anti-sex”???
I personally think we still face a LOT of stigma, that mainly comes from people conflating discomfort with judgment. If we say “sex grosses me out,” people sometimes interpret it as “sex is gross and you’re gross for enjoying it,” even when we explicitly meant “it is gross to me.”
There is still this weird expectation that aces have to demonstrate that they’re “progressive enough” by being comfortable with sexuality. So a sex favorable ace gets treated as proof that asexuality is valid, while a sex repulsed ace gets treated as somehow imposing morality on everyone else...
We shouldn’t have to soften “I find sex disgusting” into “I’m personally not interested in sex” if disgust is genuinely the feeling. That’s a perfectly valid experience. I think more people (both allos and aces alike) need to learn to distinguish “this makes me feel disgusted” from “therefore everyone else is bad for doing it.”
https://redd.it/1wzhjse
@asexualityonreddit | 21 |
| 10 | Sweden asexual
Im 25m pretty sure im asexual or atleast confused, looking for swedish friends to chat, grab a beer or maybe go on a late night stroll with just chatting about experiences😅
https://redd.it/1wz8coe
@asexualityonreddit | 20 |
| 11 | Squish Crush
https://redd.it/1wzghbo
@asexualityonreddit | 20 |
| 12 | explaining asexuality to my friend
So i was out with my friend the other day and we were having a pretty deep conversation about sexuality and stuff, I told her I'm greysexual (a micro-lable under the asexual umbrella) and she asked me how i can enjoy books and fanfiction with that kinda stuff in it and I explained to her that it's kinda like how people can enjoy fantasy novels, like I don't share the experience of having a magical sword and fighting a dragon, but it's cool to read about that stuff. and it's the same with asexuality, for me personally I can enjoy certain aspects of reading about it, but still not want to do it lol. I know this is definitely not everyone's experience with it, I am speaking from a personal perspective.
https://redd.it/1wz35j4
@asexualityonreddit | 24 |
| 13 | I dunno what title to give this
https://redd.it/1wz6x35
@asexualityonreddit | 24 |
| 14 | Was buying flowers for my birthday tomorrow and these caught my eye :)
https://redd.it/1wz6can
@asexualityonreddit | 35 |
| 15 | Que les parece peor?
Yo me considero asexual desde hace un par de años, estuve bastante tiempo con la duda pero ese no es el punto, el tema es que yo le masturbaba mucho(nunca me gustó era más porque ya tenía la costumbre), ya no lo hago con tanta frecuencia, pero las redes sociales siguen sobre estimulando me, me da asco pero cuesta modificar el algoritmo aveces.
Mi dilema es el siguiente, que es preferible, tener un sueño húmedo(que se que va a pasar por todo lo que desgraciadamente he visto en la semana), que para mí también son incómodos, o solo masturbarme y exponerme más a la hupersexualizacion del mundo y luego solo dormir
https://redd.it/1wyuyz5
@asexualityonreddit | 37 |
| 16 | "let yourself consider the 1% chance you're wrong"
someone actually said that to me that this week. because i told them i was asexual (and aromantic) when they clearly had a crush on me.
so for context, i've (25F) been fairly open about at least being queer as long as i've identified as asexual (10-ish years now). it was a major struggle in high school to find a way to describe myself when i didn't have the word yet; i would try and force myself to have crushes on my classmates so when i finally found out about asexuality, i knew that was what i am! i usually wear a tiny rainbow pin on my jacket to subtly show off my pride because i feel it easier to describe myself as queer instead of asexual (blame our hyper-sexualized society not being familiar with asexuality, i guess), and that pin got the attention of a guy who i met a week ago. this guy was clearly VERY interested in me romantically from the moment we met (i've had to awkwardly shoot down many men before; i can tell lol) so once he asked about the pin and if i was gay (to which i answered no) i then added that i was asexual. that apparently broke his brain.
over the next hour, i heard things like:
"is this a permanent thing?"
"have you heard of demisexual? do you think you're that?"
"do you think you'd ever change your mind?"
"you know, human sexuality is a construct, so i don't think asexuality is real."
of course, i wasn't very talkative for the remainder of the day, because who wouldn't be if you were told that asexuality literally "wasn't real" to preserve the idea that you're actually interested in sex and romance?? so once i went home i received a few texts about what happened that day in which i was told to consider that after a decade of FINALLY having a word that describes me and my place in this world, that there's a 1% chance that one day i'll suddenly wake up ready to have sex with this guy. because i should consider that i'm wrong about a decision i made. about MYSELF. 10 years ago.
i've now been asked if we could be in an "asexual relationship" (he also literally acknowledged i was aro in this same message: what?) and that "there's a person out there for everyone" and seemingly everything in the fake How To Fix An Asexual playbook allos love to pull from. at least the other men i've had to shoot down understood the assignment and backed off without questioning me. this is just... exhausting and super hurtful to hear someone say that asexuality isn't real because it's a barrier between them and me dating or whatever. i might just lie to every man i meet after this and say i have a fake canadian girlfriend so the conversations end there instead of escalating into horrible aphobia.
https://redd.it/1wyoeqm
@asexualityonreddit | 36 |
| 17 | How young is too young to identify with the label asexual?
/r/asexuality/comments/1wyof0q/how_young_is_too_young_to_identify_with_the_label/
https://redd.it/1wyoh2g
@asexualityonreddit | 30 |
| 18 | I Tried To Tell My Mother I Think I'm Asexual, She Doesn't Believe Me
Context, I am a 22yr old female. So, my mother and older sister have been on my case about not having sex with my boyfriend despite being with him for almost 5 years. They talked about how patient he has been and how much he has been holding back. While I am appreciative of him being respectful with my boundaries, if he really is feeling this way, I'm perturbed that he himself isn't telling me this. Anyway, in this discussion I tell my mother that I've been considering that I may be asexual, because I can't ever recall being sexually attracted to anyone in my life. She tells me that she calls bullshit because when I was very young (something like 4 years old) I incidentally found out pleasuring myself with cups. Being young and unknowledgeable I was addicted to the feeling that my body was liking and my mother remembers it being a battle to get me to stop.
I do masturbate, but if one day I was told I could never do it again, my response would be "oh well". I like the feeling of the stimulation, but the thought of engaging in sexual intimacy puts me on edge and I get this sense of "bitterness". My boyfriend is my boyfriend because I adore him and if he really wanted to do something with me, then I would be willing to put aside my reservations about it for him.
Would I be right to consider myself at least a variant of asexual? I suppose I can also add for context that I am a virgin.
https://redd.it/1wyv7vh
@asexualityonreddit | 29 |
| 19 | From a friendly ally, here you go
https://redd.it/1wyprod
@asexualityonreddit | 32 |
| 20 | Favorite kind of cake as an asexual?
https://redd.it/1wyto7p
@asexualityonreddit | 36 |
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