Asexuality and Aromanticism on Reddit

https://redd.it/1xja5x5 @asexualityonreddit

Help and advice please I am M 46 my partner is F 42 we have been together for almost 27 years and married for 18 and have a teenage child. I have had suspicions about my wife's (I dont know if the word i am going to use is correct sorry so please if I use the wrong term forgive me) sexualty for along time as she has always had a extremely low seeming sex drive compared to mine . She has only ever had sex with me when she felt she needed to ie I asked her for it or it was a special occasion ie anniversary or my birthday and even then she would never initiate it I would always be the one to do it and she would want it over fast and then just sort of act like it didn't happen . A work colleague of mine is Asexual and he told me about his relationships both his present one and previous ones and how it affected them and that was when I realised how alike both him and my wife were so I asked him about it and he was extremely helpful he was the one who pointed me to the asexual sub reddits where I have lurked for a few years and learnt more about it but to scared to involve myself more but I digress sorry he left my work 3 years ago and I no longer am able to speak to him . About 3 years ago on his advice before he left I actually tried to broach the subject with my wife 😅 and it didn't go well at all and we went almost a month with out talking and by we I mean her to me it was a extremely hard month but I eventually got her to talk to me and I apologised for suggesting she was and left it at that . But over the last few months things have happened and I dont want to get into them but they sort of forced the conversation to come back up and this time I didn't back down and explained everything I felt and asked her to explain her feelings and such regarding our relationship and she very very grudgingly admitted that she has not got or had any sexual feeling towards myself (or anyone) for years but still loves me and i love her I told her it's fine and I just needed to know where I stood and asked for a bit of time and even asked if I would send her a few links about asexualuality which I did . The house was a bit tense for a few days and our conversations were short and abrupt but a few days after the initial conversation she rang me from work and said we needed to talk . So we did and she actually agreed thats she is positive she is asexual and how would we deal with it going forwards. She was very emotional and i was as well and I told her that I still love her and want to be with her if she wanted that and she said yes but she said she was scared about the lack of sex and how I would deal with it I said that if we got rid of the 10% ie the sex then the remaining 90% would become 100% and she just accepted it instantly and then that was it end of conversation it was so abrupt. But and this is the part I need advice with please and I know this has been long read and I appreciate your time but I am hurting so much right now as I said what I said for her as she means everything to me but when she just instantly accepted the I dont need the ĺ0% part but seems oblivious to how much it hurts Me and I am extremely aware that this is a huge thing for her I am not trying to take that away from her and I will always support and be here for her but in her mind now it's done and dusted we are married couple who live sleep and all the other stuff but no sexual intimacy and i am struggling with it as she will say I love you and kiss me on the cheek or want a hug but I truthfully find it hard to respond with out sounding distant or hurt that she can give me a kiss and or a hug but I feel like there hollow now . I am sorry for the length of this I am trying to unpack a lot in my head I dont know what to expect from this but I am hoping for some sort of guidance on how I not her should go forward and that sound horrible I know but she is doing great lol and I love that she is but I am feeling broken and lost and I Will NOT take away her happiness I am just looking for advice on how do I sort myself out please

Ace Art for Ace Week https://redd.it/1xj8yd6 @asexualityonreddit

I wish I could be allosexual I lost my relationship because of my asexuality. I hate this so much. For people who are asexual who accept themselves I am happy, but I just want to change. I want to get to experience a critical aspect of life without feeling disgusting and afraid. But I honestly have no desire to do it. I like people but never have wanted to have sex with them, and I hate how lonely that makes me, and I hate that about myself. https://redd.it/1xj7axn @asexualityonreddit

I don't think I'm as gay as I thought Basically the title. I'm a guy by the way. I mean, I had been questioning my sexuality since I was in high school. I was like 15 when my friend asked me if I liked any girls in my school. I said no and he immediately accused me of being gay but my first thought was "I literally hate 90% of the people that go here, there's no one left I would like anyway" I ignored him but I had been a bit curious even before that conversation because I knew that it was VERY hard for me to like anyone romantically. Fell in love with my best friend (girl) the next year soooo I was like cool, guess I'm straight. College came around and I was like, hold up, some of the guys here are actually not too bad-looking. Those are pretty gay thoughts, I told myself, so I decided to take the plunge. Made a profile and met a couple guys. Made out with one guy and it was awful, but it felt more like a bad hookup than a date. With a different guy, we went on several dates and honestly, it was like we had the same exact mindset. Got along so damn well, much better than girls I had liked and dated in the past. Even cuddled a couple times because he made me feel so comfortable. But still.....something felt like it was missing. I didn't get those same feelings I had when I looked at him like when I looked at a pretty girl I liked. I feel so bad for saying this but I also didn't feel much of anything when we kissed a few times. I got frustrated with myself because this guy was good-looking, jacked, liked me (he said as much himself), and we got along on so many things. But it just felt off. Not in a "this feels wrong because of heteronormative society" type of way, in a "I don't feel the way I think I should feel" way. It got me reflecting. Ever liked a guy romantically? Hm, no. Ever liked a girl romantically? Well, yes. Ever seriously wanted to have sex with a girl or guy? Not anything more than hugging ever interested me. Kissing is gross and way too damn wet, feels like I'm trying to eat flavorless Jell-O. And the thought of having sex in real-life felt like way too much work, not to mention the fluids and cleanup and all that nonsense. Then it hit me. I'm ace aren't I? Did some reading and I'm leaning towards heteroromantic asexual, which is pretty damn different than being a bisexual guy. Labels are stupid, for the record, but it does help to navigate this a bit. Sooooo yeah, thats the gist. It makes a lot of behavior I had as a teenager make more sense, and why I was so damn confused about why everyone talked about sex so often. I thought everyone around me was a sex-addict or came from toxic families (sorry for judging yall so harshly) https://redd.it/1xj6kw8 @asexualityonreddit

this post perplexed me so bad for a few minutes https://redd.it/1xj6inh @asexualityonreddit

Am I Asexual or do I just hate people? hi everyone! so earlier today, I was taking to my bsf and the topic of partying/hooking up came up and she told me I should ask you all if I’m asexual. So context, I’m 19F and I’m still a virgin. Being a virgin kinda bothers me cuz I would like to experience sex, since I do have a libido/fantasize and whatnot, but when given the opportunity to interact with someone intimately, I automatically get grossed out. Whether with a guy or a girl (it’s even worse with guys tho), I get disgusted at the thought of someone touching me intimately, or even when my friends talk about their sex life, but then I still have thoughts and fantasies of my own. so, what do you guys think? could I be asexual? or do I just hate people? https://redd.it/1xizv3k @asexualityonreddit

Ottawa Ontario Meetup https://redd.it/1xj31ux @asexualityonreddit

Attracted to guys, but don't actually want to do it? Hey, so i've been going around as "gay" for most of my life. Had sex too, even demanded it more than the others. But somehow... i've realised that all this was just some weird "copying what i see around me/ is expected of me". Thus the excessive "libido", because i just couldn't understand the difference between "i want to have sex with this person" and "there is a penis, you have to do it now" 🤷🏻‍♂️ So now i'm stuck going around, noting all the attractive guys around me, even stuck with dating apps - and it's all fun and i want it. Until it comes down to actually doing anything. Then suddenly i think "oh no, why? I don't want this" and drop the guy. I feel like i have become a horrible toxic person with these weird... habits. Just hurting anyone who becomes part of it. :( https://redd.it/1xixqox @asexualityonreddit

I don't understand allos As a asexual person, I really wanted to see if someone like me makes the same questions Why is sex really for allos in a relationship? Why some of them overreact so much for not doing it? I always thought that sex was only something to do for a sexual need, maybe for have a child and that's it, but reading other people experiences, I'm starting to understand that's not it. I made some researches but I still don't understand where the partners feel more connected to each other by doing it, but how? I've been in a relationship with a allo, they sometimes got flirty but we never did sex. Looking back at their actions, I wondered If my inactivity was really a big of a deal for them, and in general, to all allos, honestly they never spoke bad to me about it and accepted that I was like this. but they told me things like "I wish you weren't asexual" or "I'm happy we have a good level of sexual activities" maybe more for joking purposes. Honestly, I found this words really uncomfortable now. Sometimes, I think they were trying to push me a bit to make me do something to arouse them but idk, I always felt close and fine with them without doing sex so I never did. and it's really stupid to me that no sexual activities is a big of a deal for people, why do I have to show you that I love you by showing myself naked? I wanted to see if someone could relate to this kind of questions and I'm not the only one scared to enter a future relationship with someone that demands something I don't want to do (English it's not my first language so it's a bit messy) https://redd.it/1xixy5m @asexualityonreddit

I feel lost Idk if this is the right place to post this or not so if not I apologize I just need to rant SOMEWHERE. I’m 23M and my past three relationships have all ended because of my disinterest in sex. I hate it, it feels disgusting violating and degrading. I like doing other romantic things with my S/O like holding hands making out cuddling etc. but everyone I meet it’s always a dealbreaker that I don’t want to have sex. I hate feeling like I will never find love because of it. I may be a slight hopeless romantic 😂. but I just want the type of love that isn’t just sex 24/7. Is there anywhere I could meet people like this? every girl I have met has been almost the exact opposite of this opinion. they want to have sex so badly it either ends up in them cheating on me or just not even dating me in the first place despite mutual attraction. thanks for my ted talk lmao. https://redd.it/1xizr06 @asexualityonreddit

I got my first ace ring for ace week! :D https://redd.it/1xiywly @asexualityonreddit

After finding out I am Asexual this is what I found out! Hi guys, just like to share some experiences. After I became asexual, it became harder for me to date. Consider that I am also transgender; it was already difficult for me to date. However, I understand that it's just hard for cis people in general as well. I just don't understand why everyone wants intercourse these days. Anyhow, what I find interesting is that I gave up on dating. I noticed that I began to love myself more. It also taught me not to settle for people I would be unhappy with. I know some people get into the wrong type of relationships. I am also okay with and accept that I might not find my partner. And I just wanna remind you all that there are worse things than being single. https://redd.it/1ximxiu @asexualityonreddit

I don't know if this is the right subreddit to post in, but I feel like it might be. I genuinely don't understand why sex is such a big deal to people or why it's considered so important in marriage. I saw a TikTok comment saying, "A sexless marriage doesn't sound biblical," and it got me thinking. Why does sex seem to matter more than spending time together, sharing hobbies, talking, laughing, and simply enjoying your partner's company? What really bothers me is how many people say that if a wife doesn't want sex, her husband should find it somewhere else. Why is cheating justified because someone isn't getting sex? Have people forgotten masturbation exists? This is part of why I feel like society has a toxic attitude toward sex. People say sex is about bonding and connecting, but I struggle to understand that. I asked my husband why sex was so important to him, and he said it was about bonding and connecting. So I asked him, "Would you rather have sex with me but never have an orgasm again for the rest of your life, or have sex to experience an orgasm?" He chose the orgasm. So why not just admit that physical pleasure is a major part of the appeal? I have sex with my husband two to three times a week because I know it's important to him, so I compromise. But honestly, sex is just meh to me. Orgasms are meh, too. I'd much rather spend time with my husband and enjoy his company. I love my husband, but I don't understand why sex is treated as such an essential part of a relationship. Can you have a fulfilling marriage without sex being a priority? I'm genuinely curious if anyone else feels this way or can help me understand why sex seems so important to others when it just isn't that important to me. https://redd.it/1xiq75d @asexualityonreddit

To those allo X ace relationships: lets have a chat We see these semi-frequently in this sub which is fine! I am glad ppl are asking questions but I think we all need to be a little realistic for a sec. For the vast majority of people they see sex as a crucial or normal part of a relationship. Again, totally fine. All I want to say to those who are thinking of or in an allo/ace relationship is both parties need to be very honest with themselves and their partners. An allo person might think, on they are ace? Well maybe they'll want sex after we fall in love. Or I can convince them. Or even eh I dont think sex is that important to me. Ace ppl might think, well sex every once and a while to please them isn't that bad. Or maybe ill learn to like it. Or I will do it for them. I dont think these are healthy ways to go abt most relationships. So: Allo people: we need you to be very very honest with yourself abt your want/desire/need for sex in a relationship. You need to be honest bc counting on an ace person to change or indulge later on is not fair. If sex is something you want/need thats fine!! Just think long and hard before getting into a relationship with someone who is ace. My Ace brethren: same, be honest. Do not change who you are or your stance on sex in an attempt to make the relationship work. Relationships are built on compromise yes, but maybe not this compromise. As ALWAYS every person is different, some ace ppl like having sex. Some allo ppl don't like or desire sex. Its all individual all I am saying is you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Do not count on someone's stance on sex to change down the line, it is not fair to either party https://redd.it/1xirute @asexualityonreddit

One Proud Pumpkin! https://redd.it/1xisekg @asexualityonreddit

Well, this was unexpected https://redd.it/1xiq111 @asexualityonreddit

Hehe. https://redd.it/1xiojyj @asexualityonreddit

Procura de relacionamento ace. /r/assexualidadebrasil/comments/1xhykvw/procura_de_relacionamento_ace/ https://redd.it/1xhym5s @asexualityonreddit

I don't know what I feel /r/asexuality/comments/1xi5muk/i_dont_know_what_i_feel/ https://redd.it/1xi5np5 @asexualityonreddit