Asexuality and Aromanticism on Reddit

I’m tired of everything (in my experience) being about sex. I need to vent a little Okay not everything but you get the gist. When I ask what parties are for people say ”to drink, have fun and hook up”. For me it’s not though. For me hanging out with people is always purely platonic. Like if I ask someone to hang out, (even to the movies🙄) it’s not meant as a date. If I hold someones hand or scratch their head I DO NOT mean it romantically. I know it’s an easy fix, I can just say ”hey I just mean this platonically”, but it’s annoying to have to be forced to clarify that. Like I was at a party recently where I had my legs over someone elses, his friend came by and said ”hey why are you flirting with my boy?”. Like no… I wasn’t doing anything. It’s simply cozy to cuddle. Another one was I asked someone if he was flirting with me because I wanted to shut it down (because I feel uncomfortable when people view me that way), and he said ”maybe… Do you want me to?😉”. And all I could think was ”god no🤦‍♀️ That was the whole point. I DON’T want you to flirt with me”. Like one time I met a guy who told me about his dead father, I tried to comfort him and I hugged him and so and suddenly he thought it was romantic🤦‍♀️ The thing is why I think I am ace is that I think allo peoplo do not feel this way. When they hold someone hand they DO mean it romantically. And if someone at a party wants to kiss them they want to kiss them back. For me I just feel uncomfortable with all of it. Also I have never been in love with anyone. I used to lie a lot and be like ”yeah I have a crush on so and so☺️”, and then my friends ask me ”so… hows it going?😄” I just say ”oh… not so good”. But the thing is I never have crushes. I do like people. Once I thought I was ”in love” with a friend because I loved her. But I thought about it a lot and I think I just loved her, and didn’t know how to express it better at the time (I was 14). Like I just loved her as a friend. haha so yeah this rant is about me being frustrated everything is so sexualized. Like I asked a friend to go with me to a museum but he said no because ”he didn’t want to be seen with me alone in case people thought there was sonething between us”. (because he is older than me). And I’m mad because that’s just his own thoughts, I meant as FRIENDS. I just want to be able to laugh a lot around someone and touch people platonically like holding hands WITHOUT people thinking I am flirting. Because the thing is I am not. Kissing etc is the furthest thing from my mind. (except platonic kisses). Maybe I should just be more honest and start to say ”um… I’m actually ace: so… NO💀”. Because also like it’s not wrong to flirt. If I was allo I think I would have been happy people like me. Because I do like these people, they are not creeps, I just don’t want them to flirt with me. Because over my 19 years of life I have never wanted anyone to flirt with me. I gues I’m also questioning because maybe I just ”haven’t found the right one”. Because maybe at 25 years old or something I might find someone I DO want to kiss? https://redd.it/1e006cm @asexualityonreddit

I have a crush a Pan AroAce girl as a straight male. I met this girl, and thought she was really pretty and attractive, while also having an amazing personality. I haven’t really talked to much with her, but I want to know from other people if it is worth trying to get into a relationship with her, or would it be better if I not bother and move on because she is Aro Ace. I’m not looking for sexual relations, but I do want any a romantic relationship, however I’m willing to wait to build a stronger relationship. I also do not know a lot about this stuff. https://redd.it/1dzzf3w @asexualityonreddit

I just realized that I’m asexual and I’m so shook As a 30 year old gay male with high libido and a history of romantic crushes (including intense sensual attraction), I was always perplexed by why everyone around me was so into hooking up (even with strangers!) and why I never wanted to partake in that, despite being horny and just a few taps away from a hot Grindr date. I had assumed that I was simply old-fashioned / traditional, but after learning that arousal and sensual/sexual attraction are actually different, and that allosexuals actually want to have sex, not just cuddle while keeping the genitals fully hidden, it all makes sense now. I feel silly for realizing my homosexuality (homosensuality?) relatively early at age 9 but taking this long to realize that I’m asexual. I suspect a lot of people are asexual without realizing it. https://redd.it/1dzwuss @asexualityonreddit

Is this an allo thimg? I constantly see people being desperate to get into a relationship in very unhealthy ways. Completely changing themselves, lowering their standards till there is nothing left, saying their lives are miserable without a relationship etc. Im not a-romantic so i was wondering is this also about sex? is it just a mindset that anyone can have or is it really more common in allo people? I see mostly straight allo people do this, and even end up hating the whole gender they are attracted to because they cant find someone who is interested and see that as rejection and resent them for it. People shouldn't be miserable just because they dont have a tradition romantic relationship, and people should be able to be happy single. Im sure there are people of any sexuality who have this, but i only see it in straight allo people, but those are usually more common and not under represented so im curious too know what everyones experience is. And see if its just more common in allo people or not. https://redd.it/1dztn3e @asexualityonreddit

I am gonna repost this because I phrased my opinion on how the old one was poorly, this is the pan/ace flag, and I wanted to make it look better (1st is new, 2nd is old) https://redd.it/1dztep2 @asexualityonreddit

I'm pretty happy being asexual I'm 18, and recently found out about asexuality. I've dated once, and the reason why we broke up was largely because I could never find her sexually attractive. I mean she looks good, and I would tell her that, but when it came to sexual stuff I would just blank. Before I found out about asexuality I thought the reason for this is because there's something wrong with me. But now that I know about being asexual... FEELS GREAT. There isn't anything wrong with me, sexual attraction feels like a pain in the arse that I don't want to bother with, and now I don't have to force myself to go along with it because of social norms! It's like a weight off my shoulders. I don't have any problems accepting being asexual either, mainly because I don't like forcing myself to do stuff, and it's not like I want to do sexual stuff or see someone sexually. Not against the act, but I'm more or less neutral about it. I feel great now that I know about this spectrum. :DDD https://redd.it/1dzse3s @asexualityonreddit

I'm pretty sure I'm ace, i guess. Hello I'm Temi. I've had a lot of introspections, revelations, and self discovery lately. Kinda hard to figure out where to start, but i felt i needed to write it somewhere in a place that might be able to understand without judgement. I'm 41 and about 2 years ago i came out as trans. While I'm transitioning MTF, I'm finding it easier to accept myself, at least for now, as NB (they/them). I've been married twice and have 2 children, i almost never initiated the sex. While i could often enjoy it in the moment, it wasn't something i ever sought out and honestly, thinking about it abstractly, i view it as messy and exhausting. I've had attraction to others, but sex wasn't a part of it in my head. I didn't even comprehend asexuality with my first partner and i feel it has played a role in the divorce with them and partly for a decline in relationship with the second (other factors were more involved). Coming out was a big step in self discovery. With it, i began to recognize that I've been ace much longer than i ever realized and i feel that a large part of my sexual life (it's only ever been with the 2 i married) was driven by societal and familial pressures to do my part in procreating. Looking back, i feel kinda icky about it. I love my kids and wouldn't want to change their existence. I just wish i learned earlier so that the decision actually felt more mine. I'm also a bit lost on what it means to be ace. I keep seeing so many people that seem to have always known and here i am just figuring it out in the later half of my life. I wonder how much of it is connected to being on HRT and being told I'd lose my libido (i did) for a time. Honestly I'm greatful for that part. I feel more free. I know doubting being trans is common and i occasionally have to remind myself of my introspections and what HRT has already done for me mentally. I wondering if I'll have to do the same with being ace? I'm working on my anger derived from so many years of placating others, people pleasing, and losing my identity. I just want to be happily my authentic self and know what it means to be that. Thats my little rant story of me. Feel free to throw words at me. Or don't. I'm having an awkward day today. https://redd.it/1dzre39 @asexualityonreddit

Different problems https://redd.it/1dzp5l9 @asexualityonreddit