The Feelings
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| Sana | Obunachilarni jalb qilish | Esdaliklar | Kanallar | |
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| 01 Sentabr | +3 |
Kanal postlari
Repost from N/a
با تتمهی روحم مالی را بوسیدم... به معنی واقعی کلمه غمگین شدم، خیلی غمگین، برای همه، برای خودم، برای مالی، برای همهی انسانها.
شاید این چیزی است که کل عمرمان در جستوجویش هستیم: شدیدترین اندوه ممکن که قبل از مرگ ما را بدل کند به خود حقیقیمان.
- سفر به انتهای شب - لویی فردینان سلین
| 2 |  +1Matn yo'q... | 429 |
| 3 | Ingrid-Andress-More-Hearts-Than-Mine-Official-Music-Video.m4a | 553 |
| 4 | ترانهٔ مورد علاقهی کوئنتین تارانتینو: «🦶🏻یِ سیب.» | 957 |
| 5 |  +1Matn yo'q... | 898 |
| 6 | من به تو کمک میکنم تا با هم درآییم، باز شویم، و به آنجایی برسیم که اشک تو از چشم من بچکد و سرخی شاداب احساس من در صورت تو بتابد.
• از میان نامهی مرتضی کیوان به پوری. | 805 |
| 7 | I found your handwriting tonight
between the years I thought I had survived.
The paper had yellowed,
but your name had not.
It still entered me
like a door opening in a house
I had spent years trying to burn down.
I read the first letter slowly.
Not because I couldn't understand the words
but because I could.
There are sentences
that become more painful
the older you get.
You wrote,
I hope you're well.
And I wondered
if there was ever a version of us
where that sentence was true.
Outside, the rain kept falling
with the patience of someone
who knows it will outlive everything.
I pressed the letter against my chest
as though your heart
might still be somewhere inside it.
It wasn't.
Only the shape of your absence.
I had forgotten
how you crossed your t's.
How your words leaned slightly forward,
as if even your handwriting
was always trying to reach me.
God, I miss the person
who wrote these letters.
And worse;
I miss the person I was
when they were written.
He still believed
that people stayed.
He still believed
goodbyes belonged to other people.
He didn't know
that one ordinary afternoon
could become the last afternoon
and nobody would tell you.
He didn't know
that someday
he would sit alone at a table
holding a piece of paper
more carefully than he had ever held your hand.
There was another letter.
Shorter.
You said you were tired.
You said you wished
you could explain everything better.
I stopped reading there.
Some explanations
arrive too late
to become forgiveness.
Some apologies
are only another form of goodbye.
So I folded the paper
the way you had folded it years ago
and put it back inside the envelope.
As if returning it
could return you.
It couldn't.
Nothing does.
Photographs don't.
Songs don't.
Dreams don't.
The places where we once stood
don't.
Even memory betrays us eventually.
It keeps your face
but takes your voice.
Keeps your voice
but changes your laugh.
Keeps your laugh
but forgets the exact warmth
of your hands.
And one day
all that remains of loving someone
is knowing
there used to be a person
whose absence
could still make your chest hurt.
I wonder if you ever think of me.
Not dramatically.
Not like in the movies.
Just once—
while washing a glass,
waiting for a coffee
walking past a window
on an ordinary evening.
I wonder if my name
ever becomes heavy in your mind.
I wonder if somewhere
you kept one small thing
you never had the courage to throw away.
Because I kept everything.
That is the cruelest part.
I kept the letters.
The photographs.
The dates.
The little mistakes in your handwriting.
I kept the silence
after our last conversation.
I kept the version of your face
from before I knew
it would become a memory.
I kept loving you
long after love
had stopped having anywhere to go.
And tonight,
with your letters spread across the table,
I finally understand:
I wasn't rereading your words.
I was rereading
the last place in the world
where you still existed
without being gone.
So I'll put them away now.
Carefully.
Tenderly.
Like burying something
that once had a heartbeat.
And when morning comes,
I will become someone else again—
someone who gets out of bed,
makes coffee,
answers questions,
smiles when necessary,
someone who looks completely alive.
No one will know
that somewhere inside him
there is still a boy
sitting beneath a yellow lamp,
reading old letters,
waiting for a future
that ended years ago. | 1 054 |
| 8 | 1 2 - Da Voile - Reading Old Letters (320).mp3 | 1 079 |
| 9 |  Matn yo'q... | 1 016 |
| 10 | حس شکستهبودن دارم. انگار هیچ رشتهای مرا به چیزی، به جایی، به کسی وصل نمیکند. حالا حتی واژهی «تعلق» هم برایم ناآشناست؛ شبیه خاطرهی چیزیست که هرگز نداشتهام؛ و آینده؛ درِ بستهای که طبیعتا پشت آن باید چیزی حسکردنی، لمسکردنی، بغلکردنی یا دنبالکردنی باشد؛ نیست. حتی یک شکاف باریک، یک سوراخ کوچک، یک خطِ کمرنگِ نور؛ نیست. آنسوی در، بوی هیچ میدهد.
دیگر حتی همان امیدِ کوچکو غریبانه که آدمها برای ادامهدادن، شبها زیر زبانشان پنهان میکنند را هم ندارم.
و حالا، توی این غربت پنهانی، ترجیح و خواستهی قلبی من این است که دیگر یک جسم اینجهانی نباشم؛ انگار که بودن، بیش از آنکه بوی زندگی بدهد، بوی لجن ماندهی حیوان مرده میدهد.
قدم اول را هم خدای مهربان، به تازگی برایم برداشته:
«یک نسخهی تنزیلیافته از یک قلبِ ضعیف».
ممنونم i guess. | 1 234 |
| 11 |  +1Matn yo'q... | 1 045 |
| 12 | حتی کبوترای سفیدِ توی آسمون دارن از ساحل دور میشن. | 1 199 |
| 13 |  +1Matn yo'q... | 948 |
| 14 | برگشتم به کوچهی قدیمیِ تو. ساختمانهای جدید میساختند. باران آمده بود، شسته بود. سلام میکردم. جواب میشنیدم. صمیمانه و دوستانه. باران بعدازظهری خلوت را میگفت. تنها خوبیِ این کوچهها همان است. همان حرف قدیمی. همیشه گم میشوی. همیشه کمی که رفتی دیگر نمیدانی کجایی. | 976 |
| 15 |  Matn yo'q... | 955 |
| 16 | Automatic optimization tools — HP Elite x2, 16GB RAM, Windows 11
| Tool | Function | Why |
|---|---|---|
| [O&O ShutUp10++](https://www.oo-software.com/en/shutup10) | Privacy/telemetry & background service disabler | Free, portable, no install, reversible |
| [Windows built-in Storage Sense](ms-settings:storagesense) | Auto temp-file/cache cleanup | Native, zero-risk, scheduleable |
| [Autoruns (Sysinternals)](https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/downloads/autoruns) | Startup/task/service manager | Cuts boot time, more control than msconfig |
| [Bulk Crap Uninstaller](https://github.com/Klocman/Bulk-Crap-Uninstaller) | Batch-remove bloat/OEM apps | Open-source, catches leftover junk installers miss |
| [MSI Afterburner](https://www.msi.com/Landing/afterburner/graphics-cards) *(if dGPU)* | Power/thermal tuning | Only relevant if Elite x2 variant has discrete graphics |
| [Process Lasso](https://bitsum.com/) | Auto CPU core/priority management | Free tier auto-throttles background hogs in real time |
Fast manual wins (one-time, high impact on i7-7600U + 16GB):
1. Win+R → powercfg.cpl → set High performance or Ultimate Performance (powercfg -duplicatescheme e9a42b02-d5df-448d-aa00-03f14749eb61)
2. Disable Fast Startup if you dual-boot or use sleep heavily (can cause driver conflicts)
3. Settings > System > Storage > Temporary files — enable auto-clean
4. Check Task Manager > Startup tab — disable everything not essential
5. Confirm Windows 11 is on latest cumulative update — i7-7600U benefits from scheduler fixes
Skip: third-party "PC cleaner/booster" suites (CCleaner, IObit, etc.) — community consensus (r/Windows11, r/pcmasterrace) flags most as bloatware-with-extra-steps or actively harmful on modern Windows.
Want this converted into a /guide step-by-step execution flow, or a PowerShell script that automates steps 1–4? | 262 |
| 17 | یالله. سلام. | 447 |
| 18 |  Matn yo'q... | 1 |
| 19 | صبر میکنم دیگه.
نکنم چیکار کنم؟ | 1 191 |
| 20 | صبر میکنم دیگه.
نکنم چیکار کنم؟ | 1 |
