Asexuality and Aromanticism on Reddit

Headcanon https://redd.it/1x1mrc4 @asexualityonreddit

Asexual bingo https://redd.it/1x1l1wy @asexualityonreddit

I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend that I’m asexual I’m 20f I have never dated anyone before her and I’m figuring things out, those things being that I am asexual and I’m not ready for a relationship. I am awful with social cues and I didn’t realise how fast we jumped into a relationship (it was a month after we met). I already don’t like hanging out with people, I’m always too mentally drained after a hangout so I don’t have the energy to come up with the right words for what I’m feeling. Now I feel stuck not knowing how to tell her that I’m asexual, it makes me sick when we kiss. I don’t feel as if I am ready for a relationship I don’t want to hurt her feelings https://redd.it/1x1gka9 @asexualityonreddit

Suche ace/aro-Personen aus Hannover & Umgebung für ein Uni-Fotoprojekt Hallo :) Wie schon der Titel sagt, suche ich für ein Uni-Projekt im Bereich Fotojournalismus Personen, die sich im asexuellen und/oder aromantischen Spektrum sehen – unabhängig davon, welchen Begriff ihr für euch verwendet. Auch wenn ihr euch noch nicht sicher seid, wie ihr euch identifiziert, aber euch irgendwie in dem Spektrum verortet, könnt ihr euch gern melden. Mir geht es darum, verschiedene Erfahrungen, Identitäten und Geschichten innerhalb des Spektrums sichtbar zu machen. Im Rahmen des Projekts soll eine Portraitserie entstehen und ich würde mich freuen auch ein wenig mit euch zu quatschen (aber ganz entspannt :) - und nur wie ihr euch wohlfühlt). Genauere Infos zum Ablauf und was ich mir so vorstelle, gibt es bei Interesse gern persönlich. Gerne können wir vorher auch telefonieren oder so, damit wir uns etwas besser kennenlernen. Ich sehe mich ebenfalls in dem Spektrum und freue mich deshalb umso mehr, euch kennenzulernen. Gesucht werden Personen aus Hannover und Umgebung - gerne auch Wuppertal und Umgebung. Bei Interesse oder Fragen gern per DM melden https://redd.it/1x1enoz @asexualityonreddit

"How do you know you're ace if you haven't tried it yet?" Slight vent but mostly ???? TLDR : My therapist is being insane and is convinced I'm not ace because I haven't had sex yet — How do you deal with having to argue with people about your identity? and what do you even say to someone (that you trusted) when they refuse to be accepting? Context : I've been seeing my new therapist for a couple of months now and only finally brought up the fact that I'm ace. This was in context to someone asking me out and me talking about how I don't know how to come out to them about being ace. I thought this would just be a regular discussion, what I didn't expect was my therapist being like "?? you're ace? how do you know?" I told her that I just do, that I know myself and I don't feel sexual attraction, never have, don't know what that's like and that I just am. She (unfortunately) counters with "Have you been assaulted? do you think it's a trauma thing?" When I also say no and that I've never had sex and I'm happy keeping it that way forever, she kept insisting that I wouldn't know if I didn't try. I tried the well I don't need to eat poison to know I won't like it. She used this as a gotcha moment to be like oh you think sex is a bad thing. Anyway, my back and forth with her went on for a lot longer than I would've liked, and I know realistically I should stop seeing this lady if she's going to fight a basic fact about my identity. HOWEVER I do want to try and educate her (a little) before I stop seeing her (which will probably be after the next session). https://redd.it/1x0tamp @asexualityonreddit

Being asexual sucks dick. I feel like anyone here who says “you have to learn to accept it”, etc. is either aromantic or has been lucky enough to find an ace partner who they feel mutual love with. It is miserable knowing that the chances of me ever being able to have a long term partner are pretty much zero. I envy aromantic people. There’s no pain on that side of the spectrum. I feel like id win the lottery before i ever could find another asexual person that i can reciprocate romantic feelings towards. Marriage is a painful impossibility. I envy people who can have normal relationships that can last because they can be the right person for their partner. Where there is no limit on the love they can express and share together. I hate when i say that i wish there were a cure for this and people tell me im wrong for saying that because that’s how i am. Love is hell when you cant give it all back to your partner. I wish there were a way to rewire my brain. I don’t believe ill ever be able to accept this part of myself because it is too painful. https://redd.it/1x1dj30 @asexualityonreddit

Possible to enjoy sex while being asexual? Title sounds a bit contradictory but hear me out yall. Im an asexual guy. In all honesty I shouldve realized it in high school and college when my thoughts around my classmates were "why does dating and sex matter so much? their parents are probably really strict/religious and theyre rebelling" Anyway, back to the reason for the post. I dont really care for sex, nor do I look at someone and feel like I want to have sex with them. I can do it but the act gives me the same personal level of gratification as starting my car. However, I feel as though I enjoy the idea of pleasuring my partner. Like, I dont really get anything for myself but Im into doing what I can to make my partner feel good or have a good time and that gives me motivation to have any type of sexual activity. I dunno if that makes sense but I was curious about what this subreddit thinks because seeing myself as asexual is relatively new to me. https://redd.it/1x0wbq3 @asexualityonreddit

The internets opinion on asexuality is depressing I've felt this for years and years. The way people talk about asexuality on the internet is so incredibly depressing. So invalidating. So rude. It's always something's wrong with youuu you need to go to therappyyy have you gone to the doctor??? People think it's unfathomable to be asexual because they themselves can't imagine it. It's so disrespectful. The amount of times I've been told I'll never be truly loved because a man will never not want to be sexual is so sad. Every sexuality is so valid and I really hate that people think that just because they don't feel that way or don't understand it that it's wrong. It's taken me years to feel okay with myself and not feel wrong, unloveable, and broken. To anyone else struggling with this, just know you are so valid, so deserving of love, and you will find that one day. https://redd.it/1x13pet @asexualityonreddit

I have strong enough tertiary attraction for some people that my respect for their personhood may reach a philosophical extent deep down lol https://redd.it/1x0zlqn @asexualityonreddit

I don’t know if i’m asexual but I want to figure it out. /r/asexuality/comments/1x1275j/i_dont_know_if_im_asexual_but_i_want_to_figure_it/ https://redd.it/1x127t5 @asexualityonreddit

What do you think about r/antisex? https://redd.it/1x0z3le @asexualityonreddit

I just remembered this, weird right? https://redd.it/1x0to7y @asexualityonreddit

Working through feelings now that I identify as ace I realised doing some reading online during Pride month this year that I am ace. Romantic, sex-positive (tolerant?), and hypothetically heterosexual. What I mean by that is that it feels like if I were to experience sexual attraction it would be to the opposite sex, it is just that this never happens. If I were single it probably would not be a big deal, but being as I am married and have been with my partner for over half of my life, I am having a real crisis. I have started therapy with a queer-friendly therapist, but I am struggling in this space where I don't feel like I know myself or my life, and I don't know how to be in my relationship now that I suddenly have this knowledge of myself. It feels like I am a robot pretending to be a human who only recently learned that they aren't actually human after all. Sexual interactions with my spouse feel mechanical and like I am observing from the outside. I also don't feel comfortable talking with anyone in real life yet, but I desperately crave a connection with people who understand what this is like. I would love to have an actual conversation with a human in a similar position, and in real life I know no one who identifies as ace. Hell, until last month I had never seen an ace character in a movie or in a book, and barely had heard of the word. It just feels so isolating. I suppose I am trying to work through what to feel about this but don't know how to do it. I'm open to any stories of how others navigated similar waters. https://redd.it/1x0n45q @asexualityonreddit

Sex Averse Hello - I recently started seeing a girl. She's beautiful & we click well. I however noticed right off the bat that she's not super affectionate but likes hand holding & kissing. Also has quite a bit of anxiety about all kinds of things. I'm fine with not being overly affectionate & touchy but asked her about it. She told me that she is sex averse/asexual & does not want to engage in sex. She has had sex but does not like it. She told me that it has kept guys from dating her in the past & that she was nervous to tell me because she wants things to work with me. Not really knowing what asexuality meant & seeing that she was nervous, I didnt ask further but I told her that I wouldn't pressure her into doing anything she didnt want to do. Although I don't have the strongest sex drive, I think no sex forever may be a bit tough. Any further insight on this & if a relationship would even be practical? She's 30, so I doubt it's a new thing she's experiencing. Will she actually have success dating any guy non-asexual guy long term? TLDR https://redd.it/1x0aa7a @asexualityonreddit

Funny ace joke https://x.com/CursedGoo/status/2107810087205253280 https://redd.it/1x0hcsh @asexualityonreddit

the irony of calling asexuality a turn off https://redd.it/1x0j0ap @asexualityonreddit

How do you know if you’re demisexual or sex repulsed? I’m really struggling to figure out what I am because for a while I thought I was sex repulsed and would never want to have sex but the past few relationships the idea seemed not so bad anymore but I never got to the point of wanting it but also those relationships had a lot of problems so that could have been part of the reason why. I’ve had some people tell me they felt sex repulsed until they met the right person. And they told me to wait until I want to do it but I know some people are sex neutral so what if I’m sex neutral then idk if I would feel that desire. A lot of my relationships have ended once I told people I was sex repulsed and now I’m hesitant to say that because I feel like I’ve made some progress in eventually being ready to take that step with someone. Now I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I have so much anxiety about whether or not I’ll ever get to the point where I want it. I like dry humping but whenever I see male genitalia I think “i don’t want it anywhere near me” but I’ve seen women who identify as heterosexual express feeling similarly. I feel like I won’t really ever know until I try but I also worry it might be traumatizing. My partner has not tried to pressure me at all and has been letting me lead the pace. but at the moment I feel like I could go my whole life without having sex and be content as long as I didn’t end up alone. If you are sex neutral how did you figure that out? Any advice from women on knowing when or if you’re ready for your first time? https://redd.it/1x0hkoi @asexualityonreddit

on a fundamental aspect of the human experience, unloveable, less than a person, less than a woman. But then I think of my female ancestors, from around the world, who would absolutely kill to be allowed to say “no” — in fact I’m sure some of them did (good for her). In 1993 marital rape became illegal; 8 short years later, the term “asexual” to refer to people like me was coined. I forget how young my right to own my own body is: it is in fact, just barely older than me. Before “asexual” we had - “conjugal debt,” “marital duties,” and “lie back and think of England.” A common criticism I see against the asexual community is, to quote JK Rowling, “why should I care whether or not you like a shag”, what does it matter what you do or don’t do in the bedroom? I used to agree with this myself, keep my identity quiet. But my choice of what to do in private is owed to countless generations of women who had no choice but to submit, and who fought back anyway.  https://redd.it/1x08ir5 @asexualityonreddit

"The Joy of Saying No" An essay I wrote about being an asexual woman content warning: non-graphic mentions of SA, abuse, oppression, but in an empowering way I hope The Joy of Saying No For most women, for most of recorded history, our bodies were not our own. Our “no” meant nothing, as we were, up until extremely recent memory and still in many parts of the world, considered legal property of a man to do with as he pleased. Only so vanishingly few of us have been born into the right time and place, without the obligation of religion, government, or culture dictating our sexual freedoms, allowed to have real, true sexual agency. It is easy to forget this. We live in a world that makes sex still feel obligatory, despite the freedoms the women before us fought so hard for. I want to talk about our new-found freedoms, and the fights that bore them.  I trace them back through my own lineage: in 1993, well within living memory, American women won the right to say no to their husbands: American women fought in every single of the 50 states, repealing the “marital exemption” one by one, state by state. An astonishing accomplishment over just a few decades, and yet some states still have exemptions for drugged or unconscious spouses. Then back further — married American women’s financial independence was only codified in 1974, allowing us to have credit cards in our own names: We joke about bra-burning second-wave feminists, until we remember this was the atmosphere in which they were burning those bras and growing out that pit hair. Our ability to own credit cards seems irrelevant to the sex issue until we dig further and find out just how much sexual compulsion was not just at the threat of violence, but of poverty and ruin.  Back another decade we go to Germany, to one half of my lineage, all the way back to ancient 1966, where the German supreme court held that a wife was in breach of her legal obligations to her husband, and therefore “at fault” for the divorce, and could be punished by a loss of alimony. She didn’t refuse to have sex. She, in fact, acqueisced, but was “disengaged,” reading the newspaper, offering her husband money for a brothel instead — which the German supreme court found to be insufficient to satisfy her legal wifely duties, and so she essentially, “lost” the divorce, lost everything. This definition of marriage was only overturned in 1977.  My English, American, and German ancestors, meanwhile, just over 100 years ago, would lose their personhood upon marriage. A wife’s identity subsumed into that of her husband. Not only did this legalize marital rape and “moderate” domestic abuse -- a husband’s right to manage his own property -- she would lose her property rights, legal status, rights to her children, and right to keep her earned wages. Slightly earlier than that, we could be sold on the open market by our husbands, harnessed with a rope in the town square.  Not to only focus on European and American women, when I think of my right to say no, I think of the Chinese women who, for centuries, could only improve their station in life, escape abject poverty, by slowly folding their feet in half and binding them so they might catch the eye of a nobleman who may want to keep her as a concubine. I think of all the African women who were more than just legal property but literal property, the slaves our founding fathers raped and murdered. The Hindu women tied, alive, to their husbands’ funeral pyres. The women in the “human economy” traded as currency. For thousands of years, surely most of them couldn’t imagine a better future, and the small few of them who did, fought and died knowing they’d never see equal personhood in their lifetimes. I also think of the young girls living on the private island of whatever billionaire succeeded Epstein, whose abusers are in the highest echelons of power today, and how much work we still have ahead of us. The work, at least for me, begins in learning to exercise my own freedom.  I sometimes feel ashamed of my asexuality: missing out