فهل من مدكر؟
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Writing to record all the beautiful stations in the journey of Hifdh and the indescribable states that the heart passes through on this path. واما بنعمة ربك فحدث
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Channel Posts
Throughout most of my Hifdh journey, I was very open with people as to how much I had memorized. I wanted to share my progress as an encouragement to those close to me, and as an inspiration to them. Alhamdulillah, after I began, most of my family began and made huge progress in their Hifdh as well.
Near the end of it, I switched that up completely, to the point that not a single soul is aware of where I am or whether I’m done or not. I achieved my desire (in encouraging others), now it’s time for me to guard my most precious treasure and ensure its sincerity. Many loved ones felt strongly about it — some slightly offended and others confused. Some don’t even know it’s a secret, and they’re still expecting an announcement of completion from me whenever it may happen.
When one memorizes the entire Qur’ān , the threat to sincerity is imminent and heavy. You are celebrated like no other, you are praised beyond measure. You become a status symbol for family and a source of pride for your parents. Everywhere you step foot, you’re introduced as “The Hāfidh”. While the respect and love the masses have for the book of Allāh سبحانه وتعالى is commendable and lovely, that treatment doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.
Why would I want any of that? Why would I want to risk losing all the hardship and sacrifices I made in this journey, and all the anticipated rewards, due to mere publicity? If I did it seeking Allāh’s Majestic Face, then who else needs to know but Him? They (family/loved ones) want to rejoice in the blessing of Allāh (completion of my Hifdh), but by Allāh, I am rejoicing in my secret and in the blessings of the journey already. If they come to know, my rejoicing will cease, doomed to be forever in doubt of my intentions. At the same time, I do not censure those who are open or public about their progress in the slightest — no doubt, there are many benefits and reason one may choose to do so.
I know my secret cannot always remain a secret, as there are some that I cannot hide from forever — but I pray that Allāh covers me in the good the same way He has hidden my faults. May our Niyyah never waver and our eyes never lose sight of Firdaws.
| 2 | Met a very elderly villager recently (الله يجزاهم خير), who spoke in a dialect of my native language that I have trouble understanding. We attempted to converse with difficulty (due to my slow understanding of the dialect) here and there over the days we spent around each other. At one point, they asked me, “How much Qur’ān have you memorized thus far?” I hesitated, as I wanted to maintain the secrecy of the deed, and responded with a general truth.
“Probably somewhat more than [insert amount] Ajzā’.”
They responded, “Oh Masha’Allah.” And then, after a pause, continued saying, “You will have to lessen your sleep soon.”
“Sleep??” I inquired, confused at the sudden switch of topics. Perhaps I was misunderstanding again.
“Sleep!” they responded, as if it was obvious. “You know, once one becomes a Hāfidh, they can’t sleep a lot anymore, they have to sleep less at night because of the Qur’ān they know.” They were referring to Qiyām Al-Layl.
The answer struck me in the heart like a ton of bricks. I was shaken at the reminder. I spent hours awake that night thinking about their statement. They didn’t know my answer had been a deliberate understatement, nor were they anything near a Hāfidh or person of knowledge themselves, but they understood the responsibility of Hifdh better than me.
How can I sleep? How can I smile? How has the worldly life beguiled me so? If a human expects my worship to be increased merely due to what they think they know of my Hifdh, then what are the expectations of the One who surely knows the reality of the amount of my Hifdh of His Words?!
Perhaps I have failed the test and only gained the Qur’ān as a witness against me on Yawm Al-Qiyāmah! Allāh Allāh! What has become of my state! | 5 359 |
| 3 | During the most difficult days of my life, I was coincidentally memorizing Sūrat Yusūf. The Sūrah was revealed to the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ as a consolation after some very difficult period of his life and messagehood, and it served as the greatest consolation to me, to an extent that I can’t describe.
After that season passed, Allāh سبحانه وتعالى granted me double the amount of happiness and good news as the hardship I had endured — an unwavering promise. During that time, I was reviewing my memorization and I reached the Āyah,
وَءَاتَىٰكُم مِّن كُلِّ مَا سَأَلْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَإِن تَعُدُّوا۟ نِعْمَتَ ٱللَّهِ لَا تُحْصُوهَآ ۗ إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَظَلُومٌۭ كَفَّارٌۭ
And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favor [i.e., blessings] of Allāh, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful. [Ibrāhīm:34]
An Āyah that has quickly become one of my favorites and echoes in my head upon realization of every blessing. It’s amazing how the Qur’ān has consolation for every difficulty and reminders for every moment of ease. No matter what one is going through, there is always a benefit to be extracted for his situation and pondered upon.
Even more of a blessing and benefit is when one can understand the Qur’ān as he recites it. Those who neglect to learn the language are only missing out on something indescribable. May Allāh سبحانه وتعالى enable us. | 5 191 |
| 4 | Upon nearing the destination, the traveler usually begins to hasten towards the end of his journey with anticipation and longing.
But what can I tell you about a journey so beautiful that the traveler cannot bring himself to end it? He hesitates and slackens his pace, lingering reluctantly around the finish line, knowing that once he crosses it, the most dearest days of his life and a most magnificent journey will come to a close.
That’s Hifdh without a doubt. | 1 410 |
| 5 | A Hadīth I’m Grateful for
تَعَاهَدُوا هَذَا الْقُرْآنَ فَوَالَّذِي نَفْسُ مُحَمَّدٍ بِيَدِهِ لَهُوَ أَشَدُّ تَفَلُّتًا مِنَ الإِبِلِ فِي عُقُلِهَا
Keep refreshing your knowledge of the Qur’ān, for I swear by Him in Whose Hand is the life of Muhammad that it is more liable to escape than camels which are hobbled. [Muslim]
As of late, I’ve been attempting to keep my progress in Hifdh a secret, as I don’t see the need for anyone besides me to know how far along I am or whether I’ve finished or not. However, those I spend the majority of my time with usually are usually vaguely aware of my progress due to the competition between us. Recently, someone close asked me, “How does it feel to be so close to the end of your Qur’ān journey?”
Caught off guard, I hesitated for a moment, attempting to find an honest answer, before responding, “It never really ends, that’s the best part about it.”
One has to revise continuously and rigorously throughout his life to maintain the Kalām of Allāh سبحانه وتعالى in his heart. What most outsiders consider “the end” is really just the beginning of a new, beautiful turn in the journey. | 4 876 |
| 6 | Sihr, Jinn, and ‘Ayn (evil eye)
My family seems to have some type of effects from all three, much of which has been confirmed. To be brief, some of the issues are generational (when a parent has an issue, it’s usually effects the children and so forth) and some are inflicted upon us by enemies (like Sihr and ‘Ayn), and Alhamdulillāh for all of it.
In fact, I know without doubt that the severity of the things that our enemies attempted to inflict upon us is great, but Allāh سبحانه وتعالى protected us from a lot and the bit that reached us is not half as severe nor as harmful as it was intended to be. I believe this is from the Fadhl of Allāh alone.
However, I vividly remember that as a child, I frequently suffered from nightmares and general fear and paranoia without reason. Not just any type of nightmares, but Jinn nightmares, and those make up most of my first memories. I had just accepted these nightmares as part of my life and nobody every gave it much thought. They continued into my pre-teen years, and I would jolt awake many nights in sweat, paralyzed with fear, unable to move or make a sound for hours.
But once I started memorizing the Qur’ān, everything changed. I no longer suffered from nightmares miraculously, and I no longer felt that type of fear.
As the years passed and the enemies increased their efforts against us, many of my siblings began to experience issues related to the unseen, but SubhānAllāh, I never suffered a single day. Some days it got so bad that every single person would wake up with something uncanny having occurred with them the night before, yet I never had any experiences to contribute to the discussion ولله الحمد. Aside from a few rare instances, it’s almost as if everything would skip over me SubhānAllāh. If this is the effect of the Qur’ān without the intention of Ruqyah (as I had not intended it as Ruqyah when I first started memorizing), then imagine the effect with the intention for Ruqyah!
A common theme in all my nightmares would be that when I would face any creature or Jinn attempting to harm me, I would immediately recite from the Āyāt of the Qur’ān and they would quite literally disintegrate before my eyes while being in visible pain. This is something that many of my relatives have seen in their own dreams and wakeful experiences as well. SubhānAllāh, at times I would recite verses in my dreams relating to Shayātīn and Jinn that I had never even memorized in real life, and I would wake up having forgotten them again, only remembering them generally.
The verses protected me from the evil of the unseen world in my dreams and in my wakefulness, and I ask Allāh that they come to protect me and you from the heat of the sun on Yawm Al-Qiyāmah, as clouds or flocks of birds (as mentioned in the Hadīth), and that they intercede for us when we stand to be judged before Him. | 1 645 |
| 7 | Some trials, along with the damage they caused, remain fresh in your mind for years. Sometimes, you relive small moments and experiences that remind you of those difficult tests you endured. Tests that broke every ounce of strength you had within you, except that small bit which Allāh سبحانه وتعالى allowed to persevere.
The memories and feelings come rushing back. The anxiety begins to heighten. The tears begin to well up. The wounds that had just began to heal start to bleed again. And just as the page began to get blurry and my racing thoughts caused me to lose any Khushū’ I may have had, my mind snapped back, and all the fear and anguish came to a halt as my worries clashed with the Āyāt:
وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱلْعَزِيزِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
And rely upon the Exalted in Might, the Merciful,
ٱلَّذِى يَرَىٰكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ
Who sees you when you arise (alone at night for Tahajjud prayers).
وَتَقَلُّبَكَ فِى ٱلسَّـٰجِدِينَ
And your movement among those who prostrate.
إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ
Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.
Such magnificent Words — are my eyes even worthy to behold them? Is my heart even eligible to preserve them?
The Qur’ān got me through it before, it will get me through it again.
and again.
and again. | 6 762 |
| 8 | Beautiful coincidence that I made a post regarding this very issue just yesterday, elaborating on the same quotes that the Shaykh حفظه الله mentioned, and focusing on the same lesson SubhānAllāh.
A beautifully beneficial lecture with the lesson delivered better than that post or myself ever could. Be sure to watch and share. May Allāh سبحانه وتعالى bless our Imām and protect him! | 1 043 |
| 9 |  #NEW | Tips for Lowering the Gaze | (25) Ramadān 1445 Q&A | 814 |
| 10 | Hifdh of the Qur’ān is an experience whose beauty cannot be expressed in words. A love story that is not told — only felt — because even if books were written on it, none would understand except those who traverse the journey… | 1 845 |
| 11 | Having a hard time retaining your memorization or strengthening your revision? Always remember: a wandering eye leads to a sealed heart.
“Whoever protects his gaze, Allāh will illuminate his understanding, or his heart.”
— Ibn Kathīr رحمه الله [Tafsīr Ibn Kathīr]
I find that some days, memorization is as easy as breathing, despite the Āyāt not being similar to any others that I’ve already memorized, nor are they rhyming.
The very next day, I might be memorizing even easier Āyāt, but I find myself struggling immensely, as if my head would burst from attempting to retain them.
I’ve begun to notice that such difficult days are usually days where I didn’t protect my gaze as strictly as I should. When I allow my eyes to linger where Allāh didn’t permit, even if for mere moments longer than I should have before turning away, my heart is in turmoil when my eyes gaze upon His Words and my heart refuses to absorb them. That, in itself, is punishment enough in this world and gives me extreme sadness, and only Allāh knows the severity of the punishment of the Hereafter, والعياذ بالله. And this “coincidence” is further confirmed by the fact that I immediately engage in Istighfār upon facing this obstacle, and SubhānAllāh, when I pick up the Mushaf again, it’s easier then ever Alhamdulillāh.
The Qur’ān is not graced upon your heart due to your ability, efforts, or qualities and merits. It’s a Revelation, only gifted to the special ones Allāh سبحانه وتعالى selects. Don’t ever underestimate the ability of sins in preventing you from understanding, memorizing, or being guided by ‘Ilm.
شَكَوتُ إِلى وَكيعٍ سوءَ حِفظي
“I complained to Wakī’ about my poor memory.
فَأَرشَدَني إِلى تَركِ المَعاصي
He advised me to abandon sins,
وَأَخبَرَني بِأَنَّ العِلمَ نورٌ
and informed me that knowledge is a light,
وَنورُ اللَهِ لا يُهدى لِعاصي
and that the Light of Allāh is not granted to a sinner.” | 3 882 |
| 12 | One of the most intense fears that my heart harbors is that I die without having the entirety of the Qur’ān preserved in my chest.
I supplicate for my soul to not be separated from my body until I commit the entirety of Allāh’s Kalām to memory—so often that sometimes I consider that I perhaps Allāh سبحانه وتعالى is delaying my death till the very moment I complete my Hifdh.
I don’t care when I die, as long as it’s after I’ve embosomed the Qur’ān and at a moment when Allāh سبحانه وتعالى is pleased with me.
How would I be on that day if I watched the others recite and ascend into the heavens with each verse, while I stood below in lowness and humility? How could I expect any security on Yawm Al-Qiyāmah or have any hope without His Words that kept me secure and gave me hope in this worldly life?
I don’t want to live a life nor die a death where the Qur’ān remains separated from me, and indeed a death in such a state is worse then a life. For if I have life, I have the chance to commit it to memory, but if I die, there is no such chance after that.
اللهم اني اسالك حسن الخاتمة | 5 746 |
| 13 | No experience I’ve been through in the 20 something years of my life has taught me more than my Hifdh journey has, I swear by Allāh.
Hifdh targeted every evil inclination of my soul and strengthened my every weakness. It made apparent to me my every fault and forced me to reflect on the matters I turned my face away from constantly.
It made me doubt myself, and then gave me confidence. It caused me to feel despair, and then made me determined. It proceeded due to my natural hastiness, and then came to a sharp halt that forced me to learn and swallow patience. It set my priorities straight. It taught me resilience in the face of my hardships and persistence in the pursuit of my hereafter. It taught me to not allow the difficulties of the worldly life effect my race to elevate in the Ākhirah.
It made every trial seem insignificant. I see past the hardships and weariness inflicted by the world, I can only hear the mounds of Musk on Yawm Al-Qiyāmah calling my name. When I recite, I feel my heart fluttering and ascending in otherworldly tranquility, as if it is already ascending through the levels of Paradise while my body remains on this Earth.
By Allāh, if I preserve the Qur’ān in my chest, I need nothing of this worldly life. What could I ever attain of it that rivals such a priceless blessing such as this? | 1 560 |
| 14 | I found myself inconsistent with my Hifdh throughout my entire teen years, due to being troubled with life’s problems persistently. For this reason, my Hifdh journey has spanned many years. I then found myself graced with two years that were easier Alhamdullilah, which I dedicated to review.
Once I completed my review of what I had memorized in the past years of inconsistency, I embarked to continue my memorization, and I resolved to complete it entirely by a certain date (a very short timeframe, but I was determined to make it work). I found that Allāh سبحانه وتعالى opened the doors of ease for me, and gave me strength to memorize a large portion daily and to be consistent. I found it so easy that I became suspicious. Nearly a month passed, in which I memorized a little more than 3 Ajzā’ with no issue. And then the next month began, and I continued to hit my goals with ease, but not without preparation.
I know enough about life to know that memorizing the Qur’ān is a big feat and accomplishment, and if I was truly sincere in my endeavor, it would never come to me without a test. I took the ease I was in as the calm before the storm. What would Allāh سبحانه وتعالى test my sincerity with? Would the Shaytān allow me to become a Hāfidh just like that? Surely, I will face something to test my dedication before I can be honored with having the Qur’ān embosomed in my chest.
I continued, but I waited with an eye of caution. I prepared myself to be hit with something any moment. I trained myself in patience and discipline. And just as I suspected, the most difficult days of my life dawned upon me while I had been in so much ease.
But this time, I intended to be different, and I recognized it for what it was. I didn’t consider the context nor the “practical”, “real” reasons for the tribulations. I saw it as nothing but a distraction from my Hifdh and a test of my sincerity.
“How badly do you desire it?”
“My soul is set on fire in its longing.”
I persevered. I forced myself to continue. Not a page less, not a day missed. Through the pain. Through the tears. While my whole world and everything I had known and been raised with crumbled around me, I saw nothing but my Hifdh before me and the Qur’ān calling out to me. How long would it elude me? How long would I allow myself to live without it being engraved upon my heart and in the essence of my being?
Trials come and go, but the time I lose with the Qur’ān will not come back. I spent years memorizing without completing my Hifdh due to trials, but those trials left like storm clouds do, and I remained without progress. I remained with regret. Would that I had made my determination solid as iron and persevered!
In those difficult days, I saw the betrayal and disloyalty of the world and every person of comfort, but I resolved that my Hifdh would never see my disloyalty to it, nor my abandonment.
In the moments when all becomes dark and every friend becomes distant, Hifdh must remain consistent. Only then will the Qur’ān become a comfort for one’s woes and a friend in his sorrows. I found a contentment from the Qur’ān like never before in those times, and I am certain that if I had let go of it, I would have crumbled under the intensity of the trials.
“When life feels like a dark and silent tunnel, Qur’ān gives a Muslim the light to go on. (We have made this Qur’ān a light) 42:52.”
— Shaykh Ahmad Mūsā Jibrīl حفظه الله تعالى | 6 194 |
| 15 | I’ve been told by nearly everyone who knows me that I’m an excellent writer and speaker. I’ve never had difficulty expressing my feelings through my words in even the slightest. I’ve written poetry and prose in abundance, it all just comes natural—just flows off the tongue like water. Even the deepest of my feelings become light at the tip of my pen. I write and I write and I write.
However, when it comes to the Qur’ān, I have hardly written one or two pieces—and that too, with great difficulty and I was never satisfied with the result. It always troubled me that I would have difficulty putting my thoughts about it into words, when I felt so strongly and deeply regarding it. It’s not that I lack the emotion or zeal, but rather that the words don’t even exist to express it. My longing towards it is more detailed than any words that can flow off my tongue or the tip of my pen.
So this is why I write here. Because I want to be able to express and record my journey—even if I’m only able to express just a little, and even if I still struggle immensely in my journey. I want to pen down the lessons, the reflections, the failures, the successes, the tears, and the comfort.
I want to write it for me more than for anyone else. I want to write without all the effort and concern for eloquence and grammar. I want to write purely from my soul and heart, because the Qur’ān has taken up my entire soul and heart and left little room for much else.
As I near the end of my journey (insha’Allah) I want to record it all and pen down the benefits, because it feels as if I am nearing the end of my life. Hifdh has been my life for many years now, and has become my entire life. I don’t remember who I was before it and I don’t know who I will be after it, and I am afraid of a life “after” it.
Is there “life” without it? Is there anything better and more enjoyable than the journey? What does one do if he’s not memorizing? I no longer have any hobbies, I dropped them all over the years as I continued my Hifdh, and I was a person of many hobbies. But somewhere along the road, I couldn’t feel at peace sitting there and enjoying my free time while I knew that much of the Qur’ān remained separated from my chest. I wanted it be engraved in my heart in its entirety. I couldn’t shake off the guilt of immersing myself in anything else for enjoyment while I knew that time could be better spent in the dim light of my closet, alone with my Rayhāl and Mushaf, and my heart reclining where it belonged.
The one who doesn’t engage in Hifdh doesn’t know what he’s missing. And the one who is engaged in it lives his entire life feeling like he’s missing something—until he finally sits down with his Mushaf.
I’m not writing here to inspire anyone with my beautiful, picture-perfect journey—because I don’t have one. I’m writing to record all the beautiful stations in the journey of Hifdh and the indescribable states that the heart passes through on this road. I’m writing to show you what you’re missing out on, and what I wish that every Muslim and Muslimah could experience. But most people willingly forgoe the chance to experience the ethereal beauty in Hifdh Al-Qur’ān, because they have no idea what exactly it is that they’re missing. One standing outside cannot see within, so I intend to write to give you a glimpse of what’s inside, so maybe one day you, too, will step through that door.
و بالله التوفيق | 1 644 |
| 16 | بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم | 887 |
