Abditory🖤

Choose honesty. There comes a sense of safety from it. For yourself and for others too.

I have always felt like the reason I despise most people in my life in one way or the other is because they remind me a certain point of my life that i don't want to look back to....a certain version of myself I so not want to entertain the thought of. People that remind me that I amnot seen enough or worthy enough to be heard. People mostly that remind me of my vulnerability and certain times where I allowed myself to be 'human' to later on regret. People that I let witness my fears for them to just brush it off or belittle my path or where i come from and so much of what made me me. People that don't treasure my roots or find ways to ridicule it in the middle of a conversation. That throw insensitive comments here and there. I have understood that one could shower me with so much love but could find the most little way to harden it. ውስጣችሁ ሻክሮባችሁ አያውቅም towards a person? I sat with my sister yesterday as she explained to me why her current relationship is not working and why she cannot accept him fully."He reminds me that i amnot loved. He reminds me the same feeling I grew up with as a woman.....that I amnot needed. He reminds me of how I spent most of my life seeking the validation of men because I didn't feel worthy enough on my own." The relationships we have with people,who we are in that relationship and how we deal with them has a lot to do with the memories they burnt within us. I can't help but think how much of me not going easy on myself or being the worst critic or on somedays not loving myself enough has a lot to do with how i treated myself or the thoughts i keep reminding myself till i make myself sick...what mistreatments I just went along with with a little smirk or a 'lol'....times where i acted like i wasnot thought my ABCs to order words to stand up for myself. Times when I let people stay as they are because I didn't want them to leave. Maybe unlearning and relearning love for myself is taking a long while because it is myself that i am dealing with and not others. It is myself i have to teach respect,faithfulness,outspokenness,acceptance,gentleness and forgiveness with enough harshness to imprint it fully and just enough kindness to remind myself that i am "home" for myself. -Yeab T

ወደ መሰረት መመለስ ig:msrthst_

ከተቀዳ መልእክት ውስጥ ቁርጥ ቁርጥ እያለ እንደማይሰማ መልእክት ከንግግራችሁ ውስጥ ጎድለው የቀሩ ያልተሰሙ እውነቶች እንዳሉ ተሰምቷችሁ ያውቃል? ሰሚ ተትረፍርፎ አዳማጭ እንደጠፋበት አንድ ቦታ ላይ አዘውትሮ እንደሚቆም ለማኝ አላፊ አግዳሚው መኖሩን እንደሚዘነጋው ይሄ ቢሰማልኝ.....ይሄ ቁስሌ ተመልካች ቢያገኝ ብላችሁ አስባችሁ ግን ከመደመጥ ይልቅ በሰው ህይወት ውስጥ መረማመጃ እንደሆናችሁ ተሰምቷቹህ ያውቃል? እንደ ሴተኛ አዳሪ ጩኸት ይበላት! ልማዷ ነው እየተባለ እንደሚዘነጋ እሪታ ደራሽ ያጣ ቁስል ይኖራችሁ ይሆን የሌላ ቁስል መስተናገጃ "አንተ ግን ደህና ነህ?" ተብሎ እንደማያውቅ ሀኪም በህይወታችሁ መጥቶ ልውደዳችሁ ልሰንብት.......ያለው ሁሉ መድሀኒት ፈላጊ እንጂ መድሀኒት ሰጪ ያልሆነባችሁ በሽርፍራፊ ዝምታ ውስጥ ዘመናትን ያሳለፋችሁ ከእናት እስከ ባዳ ልትሉ ያሰባችሁት ያልገባው ነገር ሲከር እና አእምሮ ሰሚ አጥቶ ለእንቅልፍ እንኳን አልሸነፍ ሲል.........ማምለጫ አላችሁ? -የአብ ተ

I just noticed, boundaries are not that easy. Finding that balance of not being completely numb to the emotions of others and being mature enough to protect yourself at the expense of whatever. Saying no without feeling guilty about it and acting in ways that later don’t end up having you explain unnecessary things. I think it all comes down to believing that not everything is that deep. You do what you gots to do and move on, a not so easy task as well. Before all of this, the question of who you are without the people/things you identified yourself with needs an answer. What is your personal boundary? Who are you as a person? What/who do you need to be protected from? Do you really enjoy your being right now? Or are you just going around people and places, escaping, so that you’d think you don’t need boundaries for anyone/anything? Once you have all of this figured out, a loss is promised so you’ll most definitely go through denial. Trust. But you won’t gain the freedom of standing up for yourself and living in a healthy, panic absent friendships and relationships if you choose to stay in your comfort zones. Boundaries are not easy, but they’re the simplest steps to having a less tormenting reality.

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Communicate your needs. Learn Boundaries. Don't say sorry in places that degrade your needs and comfort. That also is part of honouring yourself. At times when you know the problem and feel suffocated and also is well aware of the solution but are too scared to step....choose life and choose better choice that does make you feel alive. We count days and months and years and before we know it the roecious moments have passed on a "what if?" And lots of "but....". For a change try " I did this and..."...." i failed but...."...."They left but i said what i needed to say and i felt at peace with myself".....live the bits of your life fully. Treasure yourself.

Incase you needed to hear this.

"The time, while pruning a basket of green beans over the sink, you said, out of nowhere, “I’m not a monster. I’m a mother.” What do we mean when we say survivor? Maybe a survivor is the last one to come home, the final monarch that lands on a branch already weighted with ghosts. The morning closed in around us. I put down the book. The heads of the green beans went on snapping. They thunked in the steel sink like fingers. “You’re not a monster,” I said. But I lied. What I really wanted to say was that a monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once."

"Leave this world empty handed"

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As much as this is repeatedly said what we went through cannot be excuse for our behaviours. Every single experience we had in our past isnot a good enough excuse for how we treat others. Nor should we uphold it as an answer to why we should be treated as different from others. The world put us all through similar experiences with just a different seasoning to it. Your past doesnot grant you the right to make victims who later on in their life will be forced to reflect that onto others. Good day!

I hope you learn how to.🖤

"On purpose!love people on purpose! Find someone wonderful and love them and tell them it wasn't an accident,you had a choice. You saw who they were and realized how lovely it would be to love them and it is!!!I made a good decision!I love you on purpose!"