Our Side of the Story

I think I need a watermark for my pieces😭 I wish this person chose a good piece instead of this (it was a random gratitude moment). Genuinely, I’d appreciate it if people could get a life.

Hey Unihorse 🦄 Hide my Identity I need to vent This isn't not a vent actually. F19 Since I love writing let me share this one beye nw ያልተላከው ፖስታ ✉️ እንደማንኛውም ሰው ህልሞች ነበሩኝ ከህልሞቼ ሁሉ ትልቁ ደህና መሆን ነበር ..you know waking up with a greatfull heart instead of one filled with dread and hatred. Looking 👀 at myself in the mirror and smiling because I appreciate who's starting back at me. ከሀቅ አልርቅም ካልኩ ትልቁ ህልሜ ላይ ተስፋ ቆርጬ ነበር..እውን የሚሆን መስሎም አልተሰማኝም ። Everyday felt like carrying a pile of the world's burden and everyone living in it. The days took everything out of me the year's made me hate my existence and God. ሰው እንዴት ነህ ተብሎ ሲጠየቅ ደህና ነኝ እግዚአብሔር ይመስገን ሲል የእውነት እቀና ነበር ። እንደዚህ ደስታ ፊቴ ላይ እየተነበበ የምፈነጥዝበትን ቀን እያሰብኩ ጉጉት ልቤን ይሞላብኝና ወይ ለካ ተስፋ ከቆረጥኩ ቆየሁ ወደራሴ ይመልሰኛል I'm not going to say a miracle happened and I was suddenly okay. No it took forever It took so many " you got this, it just one more breath, one more day" So many days being ruined with panic attacks and grief.tons of "ምነው heal 🩹 ባይደረግ ቢቀርስ" To hell with growth I don't want to do this anymore but we're here. God. My people 👨‍👨‍👦 and me. አሁን የእውነት ደህና ነኝ። #MentalIllness #Teen Telegram • Instagram • Twitter

It’s too hard to process most things but nothing comes close to death, I don’t like “there’s something I need to tell you” conversation starters, I immediately shift back to moments when I heard the deaths of my beloved ones. The worst peak of unfortunate case scenario I can think of is death and no longer being able to see a person. Perhaps it was for a reason that God made me hear my grandmother’s death at church, he knew I had enough decency in me to never ask him why in his house. Bless the heart of the girl who held me when I collapsed right there on the ground. I couldn’t feel my arms or legs, it was sheer and complete numbness. Even when you know it was coming, death is always something terribly strange. I can’t keep the numbers of the people we lost this year alone. Grief is evil.

Let go of that comfort zone will you?

From listening to so many stories of so many goodbyes left unsaid....so many broken promises and seeing so many people still wallowing on a past they couldn't seem to let go of I have accmulated a fear of becoming one that has the same effect on people's life. Leaving a dark trace behind. Saying "I was here" through my past presence in the cost of their sanity. የጠለሸ "ነበርኩኝ" የሚል ታሪክን ማስቀረት እፈራለሁ..... so in turn I have learnt በመቆየት ውስጥ ራስን እያጡ ሌላውን ማትረፍን or rather distancing myself enough from a person's life as to not leave any mark....በጎናችሁ ማለፍን እንጂ መልኩን አስተውላችሁ እንዳላያችሁት መንገደኛ.........

For my Bahirdar’ians graduating today, I’m so happy for you and all the resilience that got you here. Surviving a campus that’s consistently against you ain’t no joke. And everyone else, congratulations! Big ups on your new journey!

Complaining almost everyday of the semester only to pass every course with flying colors?😭 "ውይ እንደው ይሄ ትምህርት...ይሄ ሰውዬ" and the grades come up smiling with ቀለል ያለች A charge ነገር:: Our love and bond is so deep that we go broke as a group at the same time ለብድር እንኳን አንሆንም:: And we’re too proud to go ask others for money. እንደዚህም ሆኖ we eat well, dress well and live well. የእግዜር ስራ😅 I’m the complaining one when it comes to ordering food and waiting for the others to come, painful experience tbh. Being family with everyone we drink coffee from and even getting nicknames from them. ID ስንረሳ ያለው ድራማ Boiler እንዳይገኝ በፍራሽ ሲታፈን አንድ ሰው አምሽቶ ሲገባ like entitled parents everyone waits for you with “speak now” stares “እሺ...የት ነበርሽ?" Major mom vibes and I love it so much. There’s a lot I can say, enough for now.

Q: Talk about your campus life please😂 A: Campus? It’s a love-hate relationship. Some days you absolutely love it and some days you regret every decision that led you there. I love waking each other up for "ካፌ እንሂድ ዳቦ እናውጣ" "Lounge ከሄድሽ ሻይ አምጭልኝ" "Class አንገባም?" almost everyday and ditching it if we don’t like the teacher. Only to run into them right after class ends😅 Also complaining about the class we willingly walked into. Missing quizzes and laughing about it. The gossip? It’s like none other. You’ll learn every single thing about someone who’s not even in your department...ተዉት department, it might even be in another campus and the way it circulates with ቅመማ ቅመሞች always gets to me. Without knowing it ዘመደ ብዙ ትሆናላችሁ...might even say hi to a couple of people without knowing their names ብቻ በሆነ ሰው በኩል ትተዋወቃላችሁ lol. And in our class especially this semester, ስለ ሆነ mental disorder በተወራ ቁጥር the way we glance at each other because we have already self diagnosed each other. If you’re around the right people? The community is so beautiful! ትንሽ ይመማችሁ...painkiller ፍለጋ ከአንዱ ዶርም ወደዛኛው...ምግብ ማመላለስ...carrying you to the clinic...and if you have a best friend like us...ከታመምነው በላይ she knows our med time and asks "እ...መድሃኒት ዋጥሽ?"

Q: The thing you said about love, have you ever seen the other side of it, the misery , I say we still choose to stay to be in love in any situation, even when we can't deny how it became a reason for many falls. So how is that love is beautiful, isn't love only beautiful when it's reciprocated doesn't it need its other half? A: I think that has more to do with the us, how our mind is wired and experiences, not love itself. Separate the feeling from the person, I said it’s beautiful because it gives you a sense of purpose and joy no matter who or what you love costs you. It’s strong and surpasses any difference or understanding. And I’m not saying stay in relationships or be attached to things only because you love them, are they deserving of it? And yes is it reciprocated? If not, leave. It’s them, and your differences. Not your love.

Q: Helloooo. . . I was wondering if you would further elaborate on your answer for the second question, I'm genuinely curious. A: እሺ😊 Most people would downgrade the idea of having sex before marriage because of religious reasons, we all know how it goes so no I won’t get into that one. Although it’s a valid reason if you’re a believer with no further explanations. But I’d like to think of it this way, when you get involved with someone sexually it’s not just your ecstasy you share or the fun of it but also your human nakedness, you become vulnerable, open and exposed. And this is only a privilege your significant other, whom you’re married to and will continue to share that experience with should have. Everyone you share a bed with, takes pieces of you with them. If you keep on doing it, there won’t be much of you to give. I hope my point is clear :)

Q: Have you ever fall in love? And what's is love to you?.. I had been going through something regarding this shit ena...esti? A: ጀመራችሁ ደግሞ😅 Yes I have. Love, I don’t really know how to write the words that do it justice. But it’s beautiful, kind, patient and literally all the more things Paul wrote about lol. You suddenly want to live more, the excitement of caring for someone else, the soft heart (I don’t recommend lmao) and the lessons you take from it. ባጭሩ you see things differently and it’s a very beautiful feeling😊

Q: Do you think there's really a thing called 'being different' 'being weirder than everyone' when in fact we all relate and everyone seems to be going through the same things? Can being constantly called different mean anything(because everyone is )? A: No it doesn’t mean anything. Everyone has their own way of being weird, which makes us different from one other but not special. You’re not weird on your own, which makes you an ordinary person just existing as the rest of us. And those points of relatedness proves this to you.

Q: How r u debbie? How's the break treating you? I'd be happy if you share how you deal with loneliness alu aa those moments when you feel lonely sometimes out of the blue and at times with some caustive agents? How do u sink it all in? A: ይመስገን I’m doing very well, thank you! One thing about feelings as such is that it’s very normal and it’s okay to feel it from time to time because you know we’re humans and our humanness gets to us. But, don’t make it your state. Make your own trusted circle of people who make you feel loved and appreciated. As well as being comfortable with your own company too, spend time with yourself you’ll learn a lot😊

Q: I'm not going to lie by saying that I'm an old fan or an active subscriber to catch up on your work frequently. But I do admit to discovering the channel right around the pandemic and stopping by multiple times to read what caught my eye when the notification pops by. Some I liked, some I learned, few I disagreed but most got me saying, "Man! I wish I could sort and scatter my thoughts like her" You are doing a great job by writing things you explore and I would like to express my appreciation using this opportunity. From a stranger who doesn't know you well. A: Have I mentioned I’m repulsive to compliments by default? But thank you for your kind words, sending bear hugs xx

Q: Hello Debbie...what’s ur take on sex before marriage? A: Lol a very big and ቆንጅዬ NO! to that. If you love being delusional and would choose doing it regardless of the mental and physical damage it causes go ahead.

Q: Hi...since you offered so here is a question Is it okay to feel NOTHING about things that most people react differently? A: በሚገባ! Everyone has different interests and patterns of reacting to things. You’re not expected to fit into the likes and dislikes of others :)

እዚህ ሰፈር እንዴት ከረማችሁ? Been a while since I interacted with you guys. Throw your questions away :) @DebbieTesfaye

Growing up my mom preached to us almost everytime about the need of ሰው....me and my siblings werenot that much fond of the idea. We liked our personal space and having only few people around. It was always a struggle feeling comfortable when እንግዳ came to visit and more painful when they stayed for a long time. Even in family gatherings our mom introduced everyone to us saying"አጎትሽ ነው" or "አክስትሽ ናት" even though we know we werenot tiny bit related in blood to most of them. Yet she said "ሰው ማወቅ ጥሩ ነው መቼ እንደሚጠቅማችሁ አታውቁም" People loved my mom because she was always present for them. ሰርግ.መልስ. ልጅ ሲወለድ. ሰው ሲሞት. She is always with people. And I saw that pay her forward in good in my tiny life.My dad was mostly the silent and restricted one and we took most of our genes from him yet he too also saw the importance of this. ግቢ የገባሁ ጊዜ my mom stayed almost a week and in that span of time she introduced me to everyone. Most of the ግቢ ዘበኞች knew me they carried my bag ከbreak ስመለስ.....kept an eye on me...even prayed for me with their wives. Even my friends whom I love I was introduced to through her. Having spent the past couple of months away from people and isolated in a a certain way showed me that in the few moments I spend with people in the middle I feel something in me being liberated. I feel alive in a way. They become a good escape from my brain that always kept humming. Despite loving personal space, healthy amount of relationship with people is essential.My mom was right in this. የሰው ልጅ is indeed መድሀኒት but also should be taken in the right dosage.

I fear familiarity. I fear when it becomes too much that it creates disrespect between people. I think that maybe that is the reason i have kept most of my relationships distant enough my entire life.

Weeks ago all I wanted was to be away from campus and come home to breathe, rest and not have the responsibility of dealing with so many people and things at once. One assignment follows the other, one PowerPoint onto the next, a friend and so many more relationships, you and your issues. You get the drill. Now being here, I don’t know what to do with all of this deadline and stress free time on my hands. Identification? Yes, most definitely. Somehow we get used to loops of unhealthy things and people, that at some point all the wrong things seem to be the right ones. It takes a lot of time for your mind and body to adjust to how things should be. Baby steps, eh? Baby steps.