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MEANDERINGS

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"Every proverb, every book, every byword that belongs to thee for aid or comfort, shall surely come home through open or winding passages."

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Happy Friendship Day 💐
Happy Friendship Day 💐

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https://youtu.be/30CY3OH8z9Y
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Dr. Seema Kaliramna.
Dr. Seema Kaliramna.
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“The paradox of education is precisely this - that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated.” ― James Baldwin
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nobody is too busy. nobody. the question is simple: are you important or not to them.
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All roads eventually lead back to the interests you had as a child. Before the world told you what was practical, profitable, or realistic, you were naturally drawn to what made you feel alive. The stories you loved. The games you couldn't stop playing. The things you built, explored, collected, or imagined. Those weren't random hobbies. They were clues. As life unfolds, many of us spend years chasing expectations, only to realize the deepest sense of purpose often waits where our curiosity first began. Maybe growing up isn't about becoming someone new. Maybe it's about remembering who you were before the noise convinced you to forget. As life unfolds, many of us spend years chasing expectations, only to realize the deepest sense of purpose often waits where our curiosity first began. Maybe growing up isn't about becoming someone new. Maybe it's about remembering who you were before the noise convinced you to forget.
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Please, just have the courage to let go of the people who leave your heart confused. Let go of the people who make you feel like you are compromising all that you desire, and all that you hope for, and all of the goodness and the beauty that you know exists in this world, for a skinny version of love. Let go of falling in love with potential, let go of falling in love with the idea of someone rather than who they truly are. Let go of the fears you have that keep you holding on to something that hurts, something that is so heavy, something that has only left you feeling misunderstood, or unworthy, or at war with yourself. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated kindly, to treat you kindly. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated with respect, to treat you with respect. Let go of waiting for the people you have always chosen, to finally choose you. Let go of waiting. Let go of holding your breath, just hoping that things change. Let go. Don't allow yourself to get comfortable existing in spaces where you know you deserve better. Love is not meant to hurt. Love is not meant to be given in bare minimums. Love does not require for you to be cooler, or less emotional, or less yourself, for you to be worthy of it meeting you. Love chooses you. In the good, and the bad. It isn't an almost thing. It isn't something you have to beg for. It isn't something you have to fight for constantly, something that is always a source of pain and confusion and hurt. There is power in letting go of anything that is forcing you to let go of yourself. Don't ignore what you know in your heart. Remember it is better to be alone, than to feel lonely in what you're settling for. It is better to be alone, than to try to fit your heart into the hands of someone who does not want to hold it. It is better to be alone, than to fight for someone who is not fighting for you. It is better to be alone, to be your own foundation, than to spend any more of your time waiting for someone to see the beauty in what you are giving them. You deserve good love. Promise you will let go of anything that does not feel that way. Promise to stand up for your heart.
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https://youtu.be/n6yySyu-zjA
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Sharmila Dhankar.
Sharmila Dhankar.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbiyPOn-__M&pp=ugUEEgJlbg%3D%3D
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People who reach a high level of awareness become unsociable. Crowds drain them. Noise overwhelms them. Small talk feels like work. They chill different. A cozy room. Two people they trust. Good food. Music. Conversations that actually mean something. That's where they feel alive. Depth over noise. Because for them... peace feels like home.
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Nobody talks about the part when you have finally started to enjoy your own company, you have started to become happier and more appreciative of everything and everyone in your life but the ongoing voice at the back of your mind that haunts the living daylights out of you. It's like I have moved one step forward and five back, it's almost as if I am barely making it to the cliff side. I can feel past versions of me, one is crying begging people to love her, one is happy because she's laughing uncontrollably with the strongest human she ever knew at the time, one is taking photos non stop because she doesn't want to forget that day, one is begging herself to not admit it breaking him in pieces, one is being rude and pushing the people she loved most away, one was destructive and hates herself, one was too fearful to say hi and now...Now lays me, the 18 year old version of me who is so happy with her progress but is still stuck in between her past and her past mistakes because that's all she has ever known. A voice still lingers at the back of my mind telling me I am annoying and useless, clingy and arrogant, controlling and selfish and I know that's not who I am. I know I am not defined by my mistakes but some days I find myself thinking of where I am now and where I once was. I am so hard on myself and rather than beating myself up I am trying to move forwards. It's just so hard and I don't think this part of self growth is spoken about enough. It's like being stuck in mud and having to pull yourself out and I know that I will. I know that I won't stay in this loophole forever. Somedays I just need a minute or two to pull myself together and keep telling myself, "you have the now and you can be anything and everything you want to be in the now". Thinking back on past versions of me, with the voice in my head telling me "that is all you will ever be". Extracts From A Book I'll Never Write.
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The older I get, the less I believe people break our hearts. I think what they really disturb is the story we've been quietly writing about the future. Every person we love is also a collection of unwritten tomorrows. Conversations we assumed would happen. Versions of ourselves we expected to become beside them. When they disappear, those futures disappear too. Maybe that's why grief feels so disorienting. It isn't reaching backward. It's standing in a future that suddenly has missing pages.
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