Our Side of the Story

If you're a fan of all kinds of blues and rock, listen to John Mayer's Continuum album😊

[Sonder] Somethings don't especially add up in my head. For example, the thought that every someone is possibly someone's loved one perplex me. Your mean boss can be the best dad to his daughter. The trash talking guy on a taxi can be someone's beloved brother. The gossipy neighbor of yours may mean the world to her son. Your super annoying classmate can be someone's best friend...the list goes on. Every someone is possibly a beloved someone to at least someone. As much as this reminds me to be more graceful towards both myself and others, it bugs me not to know where exactly this discrepancy roots from. Why is the whatever ounce of "goodness" we have so compartmentalized? I guess as a society we focus too much on being a good parent, a lovely daughter, a wonderful son, a great friend a good student, a good leader, a good employee...that we forget about being a good human being. When the whole is good, it is guaranteed the pieces are just as good. But not necessarily the other way around. Maybe this is what the psalmist had in mind when he said ልጄ ሆይ ሰው ሁን to his Son. @as_hannah_thinks

Off the topics we've been on recently but let me state this real quick. I'm all in for kindness and spreading love with every chance you get. But never let people use you and take advantage of your kindness, I repeat NEVER! Learn how to stand up for yourself and teach others discipline, allowing their attempts to take you for granted ✨IS NOT KINDNESS✨ It just proves your incapability of defending what's right.

I'll drop some points tomorrow that I think are solutions if you've ever faced parental neglect. Till then, as per usual let me know your relationships with your parents. How is it? Are you friends with them? Or do you just give them a slight nod every now and then? Just anything let me know @DebbieTesfaye 😊 Good night and have a great week beautiful humans🤍

How can emotional neglect cause trauma? Those behavioral defects we notice on people? Like arrogance, self centeredness, refusal to believe they're wrong, always looking for validation or approval and a lot more usually are caused by emotional dismissal in the formative years. Moreover a child who's had their emotions dismissed will face difficulties to form healthy relationships because they tend to be attracted to someone with similar personality as their parents. According to psychologist and researcher John Gottman, mate attraction and selection may be either hormonal or the potential result of a phenomenon known as imprinting. This theory suggests that we can become psychologically conditioned to being attracted to a distinct parental personality type, with the accompanying need for love, by the time we’re 18 months old. This “imprinting” is the result of a combination of factors, including, perhaps most importantly, how we received (or were deprived of) love, intimacy, and security from our parent(s) or primary guardian. 3/n

In the cases of emotional neglect, do they do it knowingly or not? There are some premises that could help us see this vividly. ●The parents know they're not giving the needed attention to their child but keep on doing it because that's how they grew up, what's expected from them is to provide food, clothing and shelter nothing more than that. I don't blame them😊 ●Some parents are caught up in the Idea of a perfect life for their child they work so hard to give them that future and they forget their child needs them. These type of parents are the one's that get broken to their soul when they see their child in a different world from what they had in their minds. The feeling of failing as a parent is severe. I don't blame these either. ●The one's that believe there's no point in emotional connection with their child. Who often dismiss the effects of their verbal abuse or whatever their child might go through. They usually push kids to suck it up because they really don't have problems until the age of 20s or 30s, smh🤦🏽‍♀ I do blame these, it's not being oblivious but closing to be oblivious. 2/n

PARENTAL NEGLECT Do parents neglect their children knowingly? In cases of being physically absent and not taking responsibility for the child, yes indeed they are neglecting them knowingly. I can't quite have a say in this because there is so many plausible arguments to why the parent wasn't present in the child's life so it would be giving absurd generalization. Despite the reasons absence of either of parent figure causes trauma. For instance ●Questioning one's worth because a parent figure didn't stay in their lives to reassure them and the insecurity of not being good enough gets carved in their minds. And they believe everyone they interact with leaves because of "them" but not for any other reason. ●Trust issues, as I've mentioned before when one becomes an adults they're the fruits of how their parents raised them. And if they didn't have anyone around to teach them the art of trust and a healthy relationship it results in them having consistent trust issues. 1/n

Aren't we all traumatized? Be it by the things we've seen in our early days when our fragile beings couldn't handle it or after we've grown into adults. For now let's take a few steps through some traumatic childhood experiences, stay tuned :)

There's that famous line "ልጅ በእድሉ ያድጋል" የምን እድል ነው ጎበዝ?! ከሀላፊነቶቻችን ለመሸሽ ቃላት እያሟሹ መተረት ልማዳችን ስለሆነ እንጂ። እርግጥ አምላክ ለሁላችንም ጥንቁቅ እና አሳቢ ስለሆነ ለህፃናትም እርሱ አለ (best believe he favors them more than us) ሆኖም ግን እርሱ የድርሻውን እንደሚወጣ ወላጆችም ድርሻ አላቸው። "የልጅ ልጅ ሳታሳዩኝ ልሞት ነው?" "ምነው ከተጋባችሁ ሰንብታችሁ የለም ሆድሽ ዝም አለብን😗" "ቶሎ መውለድ እኮ መልካም ነው ሮጥ ሮጥ ብለው አድገው ይጦሯችኋል" ምፅ🤦🏽‍♀ እንዲህ ነፍስ ስጋቸውን እያስጨነቁ ለልጆቻቸው ግድ ቢላቸው ነበር የሚደንቀኝ! ታድያ they've been under a lot of cultural pressure ማለት ሀላፊነታቸውን ወዲያ ለመጣል ማስተባበያ ይሆናል ማለቴ አይደለም፤ በጭራሽ!!

Being placed in the foster care system right after they're born or worse being hospitalized. Having anxiety attacks and being alert to their environment with the fear of harm. I sometimes can't handle my responses or reactions to some situations let alone babies facing these difficulties without even knowing what they're facing. Just to clear it up I'm in no way disrespecting parents even if they don't act like one they're still parents and they deserve an ounce of respect. But bringing a child into this world isn't a simple hoop you jump through but a lifetime of responsibilities and so much more.

Sitting and watching these through breaks me into pieces, they don't deserve any of it. I'm not a parent but I have the experience of being a child. It's portrayed in our minds that finishing school, getting a job, getting married and having kids is the ultimate definition of life. So people jump into it without the tiniest bit of reluctance. Not bothering to check on themselves if they're fit enough to be a partner or a parent just focusing on the material faction of the situation. "Am I financially stable?" Is the question that usually gets asked but not "Am I mentally stable?" Children are completely pure and raw when they're put into this world, once they become adults they're the fruits of their parents decisions and how they guided them through their oblivious days. And with complete genuineness I say parents pay the least attention to this or they're not aware. I've seen parents fight in front of their infants and raise hands at each other with the thought their children won't "listen" or "notice" or "understand" but they do! Even the little bit of a disturbed facial expression distresses them let alone fights. Having a child is a responsibility not something that's marked on a to do list just because society told us it's a necessity to have a successful life.