Things are just getting harder, day by day. Nothing is fine. Not even a bit. I am not fine. Not even close to being fine. Well, forget "fine." I am not even close to being okay. Crying myself to sleep has become a habit, nowadays. Well, sleep and I, at one time, we used to be perfect partners; making others jealous of us. Now, it has become a long lost relative of mine. Hardly pays me visits.
Days are, somehow, fine. Nights, they are horrible. They just seem to engulf me into their darkness. Darkness, oh yeah, i love darkness. But this darkness, this is different. This isn't the darkness i love. This seems to have a demonic possession, and it just wants to feed on my soul. And if I am not wrong, it has already started feeding on my soul. And just so you know, i have always had things with demons. We just don't seem to get fit in with each other. However, i have tried my best to settle the business down with them. But it never seemed to work out. Ironically, i have one inside me. And nights again, yeah, they just seem longer than usual. To be honest, nothing seems usual to me, now.
Movie - yeah! I love them. Like really. Now, i don't seem to. If I watch one, i feel as if I am staring at a white screen with no idea of what's happening. So I thought to seek the shelter of songs. Well, the effects were much worse. They started to scratch my soul; just the way we use sandpapers to remove the rust. With every word, i started going back to the time I was running from. Everything started to flash in front of me. Ironically, i thought that songs would help me. Well, they did help me. Just in a different way.
So, last but not the least, i knocked at another door hoping to get some help from there. I moved to writing. It's been said that "writing is the most painful way to get over someone or something." So, i thought to feel a little more pain and took the pen in my hand to see how much pain could this pen give me. The pain I experienced, i tell you, was devastating, and yet amazingly beautiful. There's a notion i believe in - "Pain has its own pleasure. And you can't taste pleasure unless you feel pain." But you know, the worst part was that it didn't help either.
Basically, i was stuck in the middle of nowhere. Uh-oh, not exactly nowhere. A little correction - in the middle of different kinds of pain. There didn't seem to be any way out of it. So, instead of trying to run away from it, i started accepting them; as an inevitable part of my life. I started loving them and I started chasing them; in one way or the other.
This is basically where everything goes tricky. You see, the more you want something, the harder it gets for you to get it. It's just like this - the moment you realise you are close to getting something, that very moment it slips out of your hand and you start chasing it. Again and again. And then the day comes when you finally have it. Now, i am just waiting for that day to come when this chase will stop and I will finally have what I am chasing - pain. And who knows, i will be happy with pain. You see, two negatives always result in a positive. Here, pain and I - both are negative. And when we both will meet, we might end up in a positive way. Or rather, i might end up in a positive way. And I might be happy.
Well, after all, someone's gotta be different. Right?