Nodira - 101 Ways to Stay Sane

have been swinging back and forth between extremes lately. after last week’s sleepless nights finally had a good sleep yesterday. 10 hours. yeah, maybe a bit too much. to compensate for the lost time, had to go extra, logically. worked out for an hour. and went for a walk. a long walk. basically went from Buyuk Ipak Yuli metro station to Hamid Olimjon and back to Buyuk Ipak Yuli on foot. no, it wasn’t that bad. — the photo above is the first page of the uni’s journal. special edition article. look who’s the author😌 ahah sometimes i think i might just close up and go full-writer mode instead of all this extroverted noisy ambitious corporate business world. plan B, just in case. talking about business. i remember the first time i started running my small online store - i was in my 7th grade, i guess. it was a k-pop boom period, and almost all the girls were obsessed with korean pop culture. good for me, tho, as i could see that those fans were ready to pay hundreds of dollars for those light sticks that you swing during the concerts. we did good money, in short, as there weren’t many established stores yet so it was an untapped niche. had close to 11k subscribers as far as i remember. BUT getting to that point itself was the toughest part. you see, you never talk with my Dad - you negotiate. do you want to start a new project or work? you want to go somewhere for a conference? be prepared to provide strong arguments and logical reasoning without ending up crying. some of the questions you might get: “why do you want to do this?” “why do you think it’s even worth your time?” “why do you think it will work out? and if it might not, why?” “why should people buy from you and not others?” and on it goes. and dare you start stuttering or getting emotional - an immediate no. why would you succeed in anything else if you can’t hold a proper conversation? ignore the cold atmosphere, his dead serious face, his counter counter attacks on your counter attacks, his nitpicking on every possible reason why you might fair, and of course the damned tight throat. if you get the Yes, however, he’ll support as much as he can ahahahah. yeah receiving a good training in business communication

a night ago was talking with my mother on phone. the story of how dad and mom got to know each other is probably worth making a movie about. my mom would lie late nights describing to God what her future husband should be like. “doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, tall, dark haired, fit, earns well on his own, knows English well and lives in America, light skinned blah blah..” - all of which would seem a bit far from reality for the Post-soviet times where almost everyone smoked and drank. “Iroda is waiting for her prince on a white horse,” her friends would say. and thats what she got. except for, not on a white horse but a white tico. and dad wasn’t in the US at that moment, but did go several years later for his master’s. what about dad? “anyone who is not called Iroda, not dark-skinned, not short haired.” apparently because there used to be a girl in his class called Iroda whom he hated with his whole heart. and yeah, he got everything he wished not to get lol. apparently manifestation doesn’t work for males🙂 well, some of my male friends do say that “at this rate, ur never gonna find a husband, Nodira.” thats fine, i’m just gonna follow mom’s logic of you get what you ask for. after all, you’re the average of the 5 people around you. and the person you decide to spend the rest of your life with is going to be the biggest determinant of its trajectory and quality. so better be thoughtful about that. why compromise? you can either continue being confused with that one guy who confuses you and ignores for hours, or you can simply focus on smth more useful keeping the bar high.

And who are you when you are not achieving anything? The trickling outside hasn't subsided yet. I amuse - and half-reprimand - myself with the thought that the great thinkers of the past had the benefit of being able to observe such earthly moments as the rain dribbling down a leaf without the distraction from the virtual world. How nice would it be not to obsess over an unread message. Perhaps the mind would be lighter, and the nights would be shorter. Right. It’s not the first time, however, that my nights are turning into a long battle between my muddled mind and my ever-uncomfortable mattress. I turn off the lights before it even hits eleven - much to my dad’s surprise, yet my perfect plan fails miserably. The blanket’s too heavy. The sheets are too cold. Should I take off my socks? No, wait, it’s freezing, let me put them on. My concentration jumps from one unpleasant event to another, a thought consuming another without leaving a space to breathe out. It’s 2 o’clock now. Let’s try harder. I shut my eyes and shovel all these insidious thoughts with an imaginary broom. The image pops up, however: a colleague who I promised I would never say hi to again comes closer to me and reaches out his hand with a sorry. I can only nod and meekly whisper that it’s okay, cuddled up in my own jacket on a colorful sack bean bag in the office, slightly sleepy from the previous night’s insomnia. When did I become so sensitive? It’s 4 am now. I give up on my weak attempts to fall asleep and sit staring out of the window. A hot cacao would be nice. How many days, or nights, has it been like this now? 3 or 4, I guess. I do catch some sleep during the day, but it barely amounts to anything adequate. The irony of setting out big goals ten days ago and yet those ten days turning into the quietest leaves me not only guilty, but also weary to my bones. Staring back at me are the tasks in my to-do list that shouldn’t have been given more than a day to complete. Writing down a budget plan, texting to my future teammates (or colleagues), sending out research findings to my professor or at least looking up living expenses in Germany to make an estimate for the next semester’s studies. My intolerance of no-activity periods doesn’t quite match up with my persistent avoidance of such simple tasks. And yet two hours later, all should be back to normal. A wide smile no matter what is a life-saver. On-time witty remarks would at least hide my annoyance with my a bit too slow classmates, too. I’d better choose something warm to wear, the weather doesn’t seem promising. @summernotes

my mom recommended this book to me several years ago, actually. Firefly Lane. Kristin Hannah. “it’s about female friendship - smth most people prefer not to talk about or pretend it’s not there. about two women who’ve been best friends for decades but who have a falling out when they get older. you just gotta read this.” she watched its movie, so i would read the book. that’s what we did as mother and daughter with her: movies for her, books for me. no idea why i put this off for so long, but once i did start reading it, i finished it in a few days, the story filling up my night routine very quickly. ——— female friendship is indeed different from male’s. there might be times when you’re not even sure whether you have them in the first place. there might be people who will try to convince you that this sort of relationship is not genuine enough - at least, not as much as male friendship. which is a total bs, obviously. but some friends will be there for you when you’re the most vulnerable, or lost, or scared. other people might hurt and leave, but these people tho - they might hurt but still choose your side when it matters. the thing is, you have to let them. that’s the pain in ass about all meaningful connections - you have to put yourself out there, be more vulnerable than you wish to, and hope it works out. if it doesn’t, you just dust it off and move on, still hopeful about the future. and ironically, me finishing this book coincided with my friend spending a sleepless night with me when i needed that support. one of the protagonists in the story passes on her old book to her daughter so that the latter would read it when she grows up and find comfort when she’s lost. my mother was the reason i read this book. and surely, i’ll buy the paperback of it and give it to my future daughter when she hits her teenage years. @summernotes

oh gosh, a few hours ago i finished a book called Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah lemme get free and i will write such a long letter (okay, post) about that. never finished a book this fast

staying disciplined in one area helps to stay disciplined overall. look, i don’t like preaching about discipline and willpower (or preaching overall to that end, although i usually end up doing exactly that) but if you’re trying to get your life together, this one’s important. choose one area where it’s the easiest for you to stick. be that studies, waking up early, exercising or eating properly - let that be the anchor that will pull other aspects of your life forward. you can’t improve all at the same time. but when i started to wake up every day at 5am (sometimes 4:30) for the past few months, it got much easier for me to stay accountable for other activities too (like exercising, eating and working). otherwise, i’d usually feel like a slob who is only good at working till late night. no matter how appealing it is to stay up all night, it barely equals to being most efficient. (yeah, i still stay up till 3-4am sometimes. sometimes) so, don’t try to control everything in your routine. stay flexible. but having certain deep-seated habits that align with your values will perhaps help you not to fall apart. p.s. i recently found these photos in my gallery. me before Dad left to the US. i think i was always in good relationship with food😌 @summernotes

a few weeks ago have been listening to Emma Grede’s podcast, this episode being with her husband Jens Grede. anxiety isn’t that bad of a thing. if anything, it could help you be a better leader. Jens says he’s always been anxious. not in a panic-attack way, but in a “constantly aware, scanning, can’t-relax-until-it’s-done” way. “I think a bit of anxiety keeps you honest. It makes you show up earlier, care more, and pay attention.” apart from that, it makes you a better people manager - you read emotional undercurrents, feel who’s being uncomfortable and what’s not being said. which isn’t the same as being paralyzed by anxiety. “You just have to know when to stop spinning the wheel in your head.” just don’t beat yourself up for being highly alert. it could be a power tool.

oh, it’s funny how quickly paths can change, sometimes contrary to your original plans. perhaps the only thing you can do then is to stick to your end goals and be flexible about the means to get there. big news coming. it’s about the company analysis & consulting i’ve been busy with. yeah, something bigger coming, tho i doubt i’ll be telling about it any time soon. have been extra squeezed on time lately. my professor whom i’m working as a teacher assistant for even told me to take it easy, “take care of your health, it’s your priority.” ahahah. wow. it made me feel weird, tho. i love the state of things at the moment, but i’d love to learn to manage it better. —— to make the post less vague, will share a random thought i had recently. a few days ago i went to a friend’s birthday. we’re good with her, i love her. but i also noticed how her other friends (i didn’t know them) kept hugging her so freely: from behind her as she was sitting, from aside. i’d never be able to. no, really, ahahah, i think i simply can’t hug people in such a close manner (just a quick greeting hug is fine). that made me remember my old best friend. we were friends for over 6 years, i think. last year, however, we had a falling out where she told me i “never loved her.” as a friend. rarely called her when she was abroad. sometimes ignored her messages. didn’t say that i loved her. she was confused herself, she told, as to why she still saw me as her bestie even tho there were other girls who were much nicer to her. in any case, what she considered a different type of love turned out to be simply me being insensitive or indifferent, she told. she stopped talking with me afterwards. which hurt. honestly. because i think my care for her didn’t reach her in translation. texting or calling was never a measure of care for me. although i fully understand why it bothered her - “you’d find time if you wanted to.” but i simply didn’t get why. wasn’t the knowledge that we both are friends enough? couldn’t we simply be busy with our work and be at peace with that knowledge? i’m smarter about this now, ofc, but i think i still come across as distant sometimes. i might cook and bake for the person i care, push then to be better, but i’m horrible with words and affection😌 bruh, i guess it wouldn’t be a problem at all if i were a guy. and i know where it comes from. my dad’s like that. you know how he gives presents to my mom? buys flowers and the gift and leaves them on her dressing table without having to face her or tell her anything directly. won’t write anything on postcards either instead relying on the ready cards with printed text. never ever told “i love you.” but he still shows his love for her in many different ways - perhaps even better ways. to mention some, respect no matter what, never insulted or used “san” instead of “siz,” always keeps his promises and always buys what she asks. oh, and leaves his portion of ice cream for her cuz he knows she adores ice cream. i told “i love you” to my dad only once in my life. it was 4 years ago. he was abroad for his business trip. i called and told him, and in response got “i know. i love you too. but you don’t have to tell this. i know it anyway.” since them i’m fine with it.

play out of the game i've been obsessed with this idea for several years now. playing outside the competition. not against anyone, not above anyone - simply out of the game. it’s not the “compare yourself to who you were yesterday” thing tho. it’s about not comparing at all. look back in history and see that those who ignored the race altogether actually ended up redefining it. think about Hayao Miyazaki's art (Studio Ghibli). the man loved his work so much that he completely ignored all the trends with Disney chasing mass markets and formulas. he focused on silence, ambiguity, and softness - all considered “commercial suicide” back then. he ended up creating a whole new emotional grammar for animation. Studio Ghibli has the most loyal fanbase to this day. or even more obviously. apple never mentions their competitors in their commercials - that's a smart move, actually, as if saying that other brands don't exist for them. it's their stage, and only their story that matters. and people subcounciously believe in that too, they see the brand as separate, different. whether that's objectively true or not. the positioning, the perception is everything. psychologically, competition narrows your focus - it forces you to react, not to imagine. creators who play “outside the game” tap into intrinsic drive, the state where your drive comes not from external validation, but from your inner curiosity and sense of meaning. that’s why they move faster - there are no lanes to stay in. so once you stop competing, people begin to follow. and it's actually relieving too - you don't have to dilute your focus either. so play out of the game. build so independently, so obsessively, that it’s almost unfair to call it competition. @summernotes

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨Those questions might be a bit weird but I like to ask such a questions if you do not mind to answer:: Who are you becoming. - and are you proud of that? When do you feel most like yourself?⁩ ____ not going to answer to this question directly, but the following post might give u some sense of what i might be feeling or going through

yesterday went to a circus with a friend - allowed myself to go back to childhood😌 i was at circus only once before - when local masters visited our school back when i was a primary school student. apart from that, went to see our new clients for consulting + 3 hour midterm exams prep. couldn’t eat during the day but man, the dinner was to die for✨ or maybe i was just hungry a good day indeed @summernotes

had fun today cooking with colleagues on teambuilding😌 a little reflection for work: stick to people who you can learn from or who can push you forward in your progress, but don’t be attached to any one side in any sense. if there’s a conflict between two sides that are both important to you, don’t rush to choose sides. navigate with some detachment and neutrality because you don’t wanna your future to be dependent on somebody else’s relationships. build your own path.

a reminder that the deadline for applying to research program is only 4 days away access to experienced researchers in the region and beyond, guidance from me and azim where we will sit and work on ur papers together. and all for free. only for this cohort. so, seize the opportunity: https://t.me/neuronix_uz/32

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨Assalamu alaykum How r u doing i am a freshman and the same faculty as urs but different uni How can I offer initiatives like u did How to reach out and where do u take these many ideas tho?⁩ —— reaching out shouldn’t be a problem - cold email, text, ask for a short meeting. ur a freshman. u have a big advantage of being pretty young. adults love helping out enthusiastic beginners. if ur convincing enough, getting help shouldn’t be difficult. ahah. about ideas. depends? sometimes u see a problem - unmet demand - and try to solve it. sometimes it just comes as a strong feeling of “i gotta do this” (i had that for 101 teens project). 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨как ты формируешь свои ценности?⁩ ——— experience and lots of reflection. i dont have much of the former, so i can only stay hopeful that i’m in the right direction lol. 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨How does it feel to be God's favorite?)⁩ ——— nice. wonder where u got that from.

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨What do you advice for a 17 years old girls who come to Tashkent to study at university. I am freshman at NUU. I am very motivated to grow in every aspect and as a older sis what things do you advice⁩ ____ stay curious and humble. dont be afraid to ask questions and reach out for help - people are usually open if only u ask first. and yeah, try new things. and stay away from relationships. please. 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨men sizni sevib qoldim⁩ ____ ok

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨do u have siblings?⁩ ___ yes, 2 brothers. but i like to joke that i have 7 brothers if i add up my cousins too as we mostly grew up together. middle child. the only girl in the family 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨who's ur role model(s)?⁩ ___ not role model, but i like to listen to them. emma grede and leila hormozi amazing women from whom u can learn a lot.

okay a few more and thats it

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨u changed alot from last year honestly. в лучшую сторону) keep going🩷⁩ ___ thats right. 2025 was a good year thanks🤍 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨what countries have u been to?⁩ ___ none. my fate has different plans it seems for now. funny enough, i was accepted to conferences in Dubai, Tokyo, some more in Turkey. funding too, was there. but smth always had to come up so the trip would be cancelled. im planning to go to somewhere soon, however. if that works out, will let know. 📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨heey have u ever watched anime? ur opinion on that⁩ ___ nah, i just dont like it. hard to explain why.

📨 Получено сообщение! ⁨I think you are already contributing to youth. Even this channel is helpful in its own way. At least 3-4 times a week I try to devote some time to read stories in the channel. Every story has something meaningful. Every story can help someone discover something about themselves and use it for a noble cause. I just wanted you to know that you're doing great and inshallah все будет хорошо 🤍🤍⁩ ___ ow thanks💘