Sianvale

DONE.

They don't like me? Whatever I don't care anymore

And I tell myself,

I wipe my face

So I get up

But eventually, I run out of tears

Sometimes I just wish I could let everything out All of it. Every thought Every feeling Every fucking thing I've been holding in.

But every time I finally manage to smile, every time I get excited about something, I wake up and realized my pillow is soaked from crying And then I just wanna cry even more

I wish there was someone who could just look at me one day and say, Hey kid. Why are you so damn hard on yourself? I'm here I've been here this whole time You don't have to pretend with me You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to be tired Just trust me. Lonely? It's Okey People don't like you? Whatever You don't have anyone waiting for you? Then I'll be here I've got you.

Is there really nowhere in this world where I belong?

I just want all of this to quiet down for once I want one moment where my brain isn't fighting me Where I don't feel like I have to keep pretending everything is okay

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It's still fucking hurt. And it still feels unfair.

When you've seen someone love everyone except you, you stop expecting people to choose you. When you've been left alone in the dark enough times, you stop expecting anyone to come looking for you.

Sometimes being alone isn't even that bad After watching people leave over and over again, you kinda stop being surprised when someone new doesn't stay.

Then why does it feel like it is for everyone else? How is that fair? I want those things too Of course I get jealous. I'm not gonna lie. But...

The world keeps reminding me that it isn't some magical place built to make all my dreams come true.

Sometimes I blame them. Sometimes I blame God. I think, Maybe I just wasn't chosen You know how it feels like some people are just... chosen? Like somehow everything works out for them Like the word keep noticing them and giving them chances. But I wasn't chosen to be seen.

And then I think about it some more, and somehow I just end up with even more questions and no answers My brain gets more and more overwhelmed

I keep waiting I keep telling myself I just need to try harder But I'm tired. I really am Sometimes I think , I did everything I could I wasn't even that bad I didn't deserve to end up this alone

But everytime I try to accept this I just can't I tell myself, God, just get over it Stop crying over stupid shit Nobody's waiting for you Nobody even cares that much It's just you. You've only got yourself But my heart doesn't understand that My heart still hurts My eyes still shake They get teary and red and give me away every single time