Basic Fucking Kindness

parentship, abuse "should i spank my child? a comprehensive flowchart"

abuse, mental health, socialization "someone who's been mentally abused will:"

society, chronic illness, survivorship bias "reading letters from 1818 is wild"

socialization, mental health, self compassion "say sorry when... dont apologize for..."

abuse, self compassion "dismissing or not seeing red flags does not mean you deserved to be harmed"

mental health, self compassion "please practice speaking to yourself in a gentle mental voice"

neurodivergency, adhd "in one of my adhd groups, a question about motivation and inability to start came up."

story time admin was once in charge, with some other adults, of devising a punishment for a group of teenagers, 17-19yo maybe. they basically went out of their way to do things they werent supposed to do, and ended up arriving over an hour late to lunchtime, where a lot of other people waited for them to arrive for over half an hour before starting the meal the "adults" group had a brief meeting about what could be an appropriate punishment, and over and over again, they would think of bad punishment. "we could make them eat under the sunlight instead of under the shadow". "how about we leave them without dessert?". "tomorrow we will make them wake up an hour early". those all were rejected because you arent supposed to fucking harm kids. no physical punishment. no playing with the food access, under any circumstances. putting them under a summer sunlight in high heat hours was, definitively, not acceptable. and it was made clear the sort of punishment ideas that were going to be rejected, yet still mostly everyone kept returning to them, because they had a hard time to think of an actual real, normal, acceptable punishment. and admin thinks about that experience often. everyone who is in charge of other alive beings should constantly reevaluate what they do. it is extended practice to limit access to food to kids as a punishment, even if it is just "no dessert", but sometimes they lost access to a whole dinner for example. and that is not acceptable. if anyone here, at any point, has thought that food is a privilege that kids, or adult people, or animals, can lose just because they did something "bad", they need to reevaluate themselves

self compassion, socialization, boundaries "disappoint other people with your no; dont disappoint yourself with a yes you'll later resent"

mental health, socialization, self compassion "someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. stop comparing traumas, stop belitting your or anyone else's trauma because it wasnt "as bad" as someone else's."

drugs, mental health, society, capitalism “Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine"

mental health, socialization "triggers are like allergies"

mental health, socialization "dont let getting lonely make you reconnect with toxic people. you shouldnt drink poison just because you're thirsty"

abuse, mental health, survivorship bias "the trauma made you kind fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go trough what i did. i am soft because i choose to be."

depression, mental health, self compassion, "run the dishwasher twice" "when i was at one of my lowest (mental) points in my life, i couldnt get out of bed some days. i had no energy or motivation and i was barely getting by, and i had therapy once per week"

mental health "when you feel like everyone hates you sleep when you feel like you hate everyone eat when you feel like you hate yourself shower"

self compassion, mental health "a history of trauma can give you a high tolerance for emotional pain. just because you can take it doesn't mean you have to"

therapy, mental health "therapist warning signs"

mental health, socialization "your growth doesn't entitle you to a second chance with me"

abuse, mental health, socialization "who gets to decide if the wound hurts? if the would has healed? the injured? or the injurer?"