Basic Fucking Kindness

growth, healing "changing every "i should have known better" to "i know better now". i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now."

Ban conversion therapies in Europe: https://eci.ec.europa.eu/043/public/#/screen/home

unscheduled post: forwarding a message to give it visibility "[...] fill the form, there's only one page and a couple questions, so go for it - no big bureaucracy involved"

socialization, boundaries "my parents told me "the problem with putting others first is you've taught them you come last" and that hit me hard"

socialization, boundaries "peace of mind is much more important than proving a point"

trauma, growth, healing "What we think healing will look like: Meditating Peacefully What healing actually looks like: Unpacking Trauma Having Difficult Conversations Taking Radical Responsibility For Your Actions Setting & Enforcing Boundaries Implementing Healthy Routines"

boundaries, relationships, socialization "Healthy Relationships Accountability ·Admits mistakes (or when wrong) ·Accepts responsibility for behaviors, attitudes, & values Trust ·Accepting each others word ·Giving the benefit of the doubt Cooperation ·Asking not expecting ·Accepting change ·Making decisions together ·Willing to compromise ·Win win resolutions to conflict Support ·Support each others choices ·Being understanding ·Offering encouragement ·Listening non-judgmentally ·Valuing opinions Honesty ·Communicates openly and truthfully Safety ·Refusing to intimidate or manipulate ·Respecting physical space ·Expressing self non-violently "

trauma, patterns, depression "[1/1] learned helplessness came out of experimental psychology in 1964 with dr martin seligman* a dog is repeatedly hurt by an adverse stimulus that it can not escape (unable to escape electric shocks) eventually the dog will stop trying to avoid the pain and behaves as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation finally, when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness prevents any action. the only coping mechanism the dog uses is to be stoical and put up with the discomfort (dog does not jump over partition) (no shocks on this side) *super mean science :( [2/2] feeling like you have no control over your situation is depressing school home friends there is nothing i can do about my life it is always going to be like this"

abuse, trauma, socialization, trauma reactions "Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, "Can i borrow your key"s and "how was your day"s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead."