Weird Jokes & Memes

My wife just called me from her job at the Velcro factory. She's stuck at work.

I hate when people say 'bite me' and act all surprised when I actually do.  https://weird-jokes.com/

If you want space, join NASA.  https://weird-jokes.com/

At my interview I was asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" Me, "The living one." 🤓 https://weird-jokes.com/

Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.

Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?   https://weird-jokes.com/

I love having a job, I just don't like going.  https://weird-jokes.com/

My wife and I are into S&M. She sleeps and I masturbate 🤓 https://weird-jokes.com/

A naked woman robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

I don't make mistakes. I date them.  https://weird-jokes.com/

I don't have trust issues, I have an excellent memory.  https://weird-jokes.com/

Having sex is a bit like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. 🤓 https://weird-jokes.com/

Wife: I'm going to clone myself. Me: That would be just like you.

People say I act like I don't give a shit. I'm not acting.  https://weird-jokes.com/

This killing them with kindness is taking longer than I thought it would.  https://weird-jokes.com/

If you're ever lost in the woods, look for the North Star. Its twinkling will comfort you as you die. 🤓 https://weird-jokes.com/

Dream big. Fail bigger.  https://weird-jokes.com/

Maybe your cat is meowing because it wants a beer. https://weird-jokes.com/

Take my advice. I'm not using it. https://weird-jokes.com/

I bought my mother-in-law a chair for her birthday... But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in. 🤓 https://weird-jokes.com/