Abditory🖤

I watched a movie today called "love at first sight". Don't worry its not as bad as it sounds. Actually it was a great movie. what I am here to do though isn't rate the movie or give critics about it but rather talk about a sentence mentioned in the movie which is an excerpt from a book called "our mutual friend" which says "Is it better to have had experienced something and lost it than to not have had experienced it at all?" This has been a major thought in my head for the past few months as I am faced with a decision regarding this. Most of the thought emanating from the pain of losing what is extremely cherished. I keep having a conversation with this person in my head asking them "Is it better to not have known you to begin with than to face the pain of losing you?" and each part of me answers my own question saying "I would experience the loss again and again just to experience loving you again and again in different lifetimes across different time zones and different areas." and no part of that answer is sweetened to somehow create a beautiful writing out of this. I also cannot seem to stop thinking that a goodbye whether prepared for or not is still the most painful thing one can ever experience. One can never be too prepared for grief that it eventually doesn't hurt.

Memory is a strange thing. It foesn't work like i thought it did. We are so bound by time....by its order...but now i am not so sure i believe in beginnings and endings. There are days that define your story beyond your life.

Today "Ok I have dealt with it it has been a long time and I am fine now" ያልኩት ነገር አንድ ሰው carelessly በተናገረው ንግግር as if time hasn't passed made me ache again. I Found this on tiktok later on. It was a perfect timing. Maybe you need it too.

"እሺ በልና ግን ዛሬን ብቻ ልድከም....... ....... .......ዛሬን ግን እንቢ አትበል “እሺ” በል ይልቅስ ትንሽ እንባ ላፍስስ ትንሽ ብቻ ላልቅስ" What my heart constantly utters these days.

I am still learning how to.

“I have to remind myself to breathe sometimes” The Bear S2. E4

መርሳት መቻላችን አይገርምም??

እኔ ተናግርያለሁ! ሁለት ወርም ትሁን ሁለት ዓመት ከፍ ሲልም marriage, know the people you date or choose as a partner. "ቆንጆ ነው/ናት😩" እና ምን ይጠበስ? ከመልካቸው ጋር እንኖር ይመስል...physical attractiveness is one factor not a whole central point. “He got money tho” his money might get you and your kids things but it’s not going to carve their characters. እስቲ ታንቃችሁ ትሞቱ እንደሆን እናያለን...withdraw yourself from being in meaningless relationships and the constant need to date for a while. ማን እዛም እዚህም ልባችሁን እና innocence-ኣችሁን ካልዘራችሁ ህይወትን አታቋትም ብሎ አዋጅ እንዳወጀ እንጃ...መባከን ሆኗል ኑሯችን:: You notice major red flags and deal breakers? Immediately check out. ዛሬ tolerate ያደረጋችሁት ነገር will bite you back ሗላ ለቅሷችሁ መከራ ነው:: Besides knowing who you choose to form a romantic relationship with, be comfortable with being alone first, understand your edges very well before inviting someone to be part of the chaos that is your existence. ወደ ሗላ የቀራችሁ ስለሚመስላችሁ አደራ! Don’t get involved with someone you don’t share anything with...ባለህበት ተራመድ ለምን አትሆኑም? እሰይ ደግ! Experience ይሆናል እያሉ እሹሹ የሚሏችሁን ወደዛ...ልብ ሸርሽሮ experience የለም! ደግሞ Ex መደርደር ጀብድ የሚመስላቸው ሰዎችም አሉ እናንተዬ አለማወቅ ይሆናል አልፈርድም! ጀብድም ይሆናል እኮ...ምን አውቅ እና እኔ ህእ🤭 As a society we’re conditioned to loathe lonesome, ሁካታ እንወዳለን...የውስጥ ሁካታን ሳያበርዱ አጃቢ ቀውስ መፈለግ ምፅ::

ሰው አምኗችሁ ለሚያሳያችሁ የማንነቱ ክፍል አክብሩት.....Respect the pieces that people entrust you with. Out of comfort vulnerable መሆናቸውን as their weakness አትዩት or እነሱን በሆነ ሚዛን ላይ ለመመዘን አትሞክሩ! Treat hearts with gentleness.....with the same way you want yours to be treated and your vulnerability handled!

በቤተሰብ የጎደለን ነገር ያለ ይመስል በአል አንወድም.....የበአል ዘፈን ያቅለሸልሸናል.... holiday commercials also looked nothing like how we spent our holidays. I dont know if any of you would relate but holidays were ብዙም ደስ የማይሉ ቀናት.I have thought about writing about that many times on here but በጊዜው it felt deppresing to do so. And we arenot getting into that noe. I was thinking እና Tho I cant say I miss it ዱለት መክተፍ እና የሚደርሱብን ብዙ ብዙ የጉልበት ብዝበዛዎች set that ድባብ along with all the minor ልማዶች and ግርግሮች we Habeshas do. ስምንት ልጆች መሆናችንን የማመሰግነው its in days like this. አመት በጨመረ ቁጥር እና አንድ ሰው for work or school በአልን miss ባደረገ ቁጥር you start thinking about what you took for granted all along.የመጨረሻ ልጅ and all its privelleges fade away when its just you and your parents for በአል and you have to do all the entertaining and come up with the lame jokes. And now that too isnot there. Now the only thing happening is የካፌ ዜርፎር ፣ እልህ አስጨራሽ ሰልፍ and ቀኑን ሙሉ ተኝቶ መዋል.....And one day that will be gone too. Everything given to us comes with an expiry date. And የምንሰጠው ዋጋ depends a lot on that. Now that I think of it for how ግድየለሽ we are የነገሮች እንደዚህ መሆን አስፈላጊ ነው... አንዳንዴም ዝምብሎ መጥፎው ነገር ላይ wallow ማድረግ ጥሩ አይደለም....wherever you are in life and whatever you have count your blessings.እውነት! ይቺ ነገር ስትደጋገም አትቅለልባችሁ

ለምን ሆነብኝ ይመስል ቀናችሁ ጥሩ ካልሆነ ይበልጥ ራሳችሁን መጥፎ ስሜት ውስጥ አትቅበሩ.......some days you are productive and each small part of your day manages to work out but አንዳንዴ ሁሉ ነገር ብሶት በብሶት የሆነ ቀን as if the world is conspiring against you either ምንም ማድረግ ያስጠላችኋል or it just doesn't work out. When those days come learn to rest and recuperate. Watch movies or sleep without torturing yourself for not doing anything. Do the things that make you grounded and like yourself and when it passes which it definitely will you can go back to whatever it is you are supposed to do. This is also part of being human. እንዳመጣጡ ተቀበሉት!

It sounds Odd but I remembered a certain food we used to eat ድሮ እኛ ቤት and was nostalgic about those days. Though they were painful in a way(those days and as a family ያለፍንባቸው ነገሮች) some part of me longed for it because አሁን ላይ ቆሜ ሳየው ያጣናቸው ግን at that time በማይሆን ነገር ላይ አእምሮዬ ተይዞ for granted የወሰድኳቸው ነገሮች ስለነበሩን..... I can't stop to wonder what part of the life I have today that I have not found worth in and have let it get clouded by the gloomy part. ሁሉም ነገር price tag እና expiration date ኖሮት ቢመጣ መልካም ነበር.....ዘወትር በትናንት አለማስተዋላችን ከመሰቃየት ቢያድነን....

The notion of things fleeting and passing like nothing is so fascinating to me. An inferno that robbed you off your peace and tortured you as if your skin was being peeled off, now just gone and there’s nothing but memories left. The same truth for happy days too.

የመጣው የሄደው ሰው ሁሉ ልባችሁን አያውርደው.....Guard your heart!

ቀን ቆጥረን አዲስ አመት ልንይዝ መሆናችንን ሳስበው ይደንቀኛል......እንዴት እንዳሳለፍኩት ሳስብ ደግሞ "የት ነበረኩ?" ያስብላል as I look back on everything. "Is it worth it?" የሚል ጥያቄ ጭንቅላቴ ላይ የመጣ አይመስልም on how I betrayed myself on most of the decisions I made. I amnot yet ready to unpack it all fully ግን just this simple realization didnot go well.

When those days come that feel like የሚያልፍ የማይመስሉ and everything suffocates you even the most minor thought I hope ትንንሽ የሚባሉ ግን soothing የሆኑ encounters like a kind gesture or a smile from a stranger come your away to calm your heart and remind you that these days are passing too.