Benjamin Zulu Global

It's not earning money that makes you rich but how you retain it. There are people who remain financially insecure despite having made lots of money because of their poor relationship with wealth. Rich and poor are mindsets more than anything. Wealth is like a country where the citizens behave in a certain way and anyone who visits there and cannot adapt the culture is soon expelled back to poverty. Poor people, for example, go broke trying to look rich. Rich people, on the other hand, don't mind looking broke while becoming rich behind the scenes. Poor people buy luxury things first, rich people buy luxury items last. Poor people rush to buy fashionable items to latch onto a trend, while rich people know they'll never be late for a good item because new innovations are released in constant succession. Rich people are patient and far-seeing in their financial decisions while the poor move in haste and impulse. Understanding this, you must never fool around and a marry a person who manifests symptoms of poor mindset because you can never become rich with such a person.

Brother code: you can win any woman. And when I say any I don't mean a particular lady called mercy because she might have already been identified by another fox. I mean a woman of any class, whether you're on that class yourself or you're on your way there. Dating is like a campaign and you can win a woman's vote - her heart - if you sell your plan persuasively. Simply understand the traits all women share, traits which don't change with their socioeconomic status. All women want sincerity. All of them. All women want loyalty. No woman wants to deal with extra females. No modern woman will agree to be extra in your life unless she has a higher goal than you can see because you're distracted by her thighs. In the past our mothers agreed to polygamy because it was imposed on them by a male dominated society but today's learned and self reliant women can never agree to that. If she does, either she's skinning you behind your back or she's a retiring twilight girl and therefore anything can do. Or she's otherwise of no value to you and thus she would never have won you or any man of her own. She wants your money and lots of it. Also, all women want a funny and interesting man who makes her laugh. This trait was given as number one consideration by 89% of women in a recent survey. You don't need to be a comedian or be naturally funny. You can simply learn a type of fun that flows with your personality. Finally, be thoughtful or knowledgeable - a polite way of saying use your brains and engage hers - and show leadership or decisiveness. If you possess these traits even in mild forms the best type of women will easily fall for you

There are househelps who have done outrageous and inhumane things to children and it has horrified people and painted that whole occupation badly in public's eyes. Abuse to children is unthinkable and it cannot be justified even if the parent has mistreated you because the child is innocent and extremely delicate. That said, not all househelps are bad and many, in fact, come to work ready to give it their best. It's the way they're treated by the host that often brings out the worst out of them. Their socioeconomic status not withstanding, househelps are as human as all of us. When they're overworked and unappreciated they feel it just like you feel it when you're treated that way by your boss. When you frequently quarrel them and treat them with contempt what do you expect them to feel? Some may not resign because they need the money but they'll sit with the anger and one day they'll start taking it out on the most harmless target in the mix- your children. It may sound cliche but it's true that how you treat your nanny gets passed on to your children one way or other. So by being bossy on them you're actually shooting your own foot. You're starting a chain reaction and your children are the ultimate victims. You are more exposed yourself and your position in life is better. You have a better grasp of issues and thus you can control yourself and handle the situation with more understanding. If she's a good fit for you treat her right. If she's not a good fit release her. There's no point of keeping her and taking out your frustrations on her. Finally, your househelp is a help not your replacement. She's meant to assist you, not to take over your duties. If you want to be assisted in everything in the house then hire multiple assistants and divide the work among them. It's unreasonable to expect one person to feed the whole family, do the cleaning, prepare children for school, go to the market for groceries and other supplies, wash all the cloths and you still expect perfection with that impossible load of work. After you've walked around with your finger checking for dust on every corner of the house and expressing disapproval and disgust, how do you expect her to sleep feeling? How can one person be the first to rise and the last to sleep every day and not break down at some point? Do unto her what you would want done to you or your daughter. You can create fixed hours of work for her, say from 5am to 8pm, so that she can plan herself and use the remainder of the evening to attend her personal needs. Making calls to family, resting, attending to her own laundry etc. Do not occupy her round the clock. It's inhuman. Give her one day off and your kids should not cling to her on that day. Take that day to bond with your own children and get to assess them in case something is going on. You can let her attend a different church and stay away for the Sunday so she has social life and time with friends. She also needs to date and marry or to be with her family if she already has one. Treating your nanny well may not guarantee her behaving well in return but remember you're doing what's right, it's not a favor you're doing her. You're doing good because you're good. If she's proves unworthy replace her peacefully. Eventually you'll meet one who reciprocates your goodness and your home will have peace.

Be with someone who puts down their phone to hear how your day was. Attention is the currency of love, and a person who loves you will not only listen to you but try to feel you. A lot of people have lowered their standards to living with a person who brushes them off when they need attention. Choose the person who admires and praises you not only for how you look but for who you are inside, like the way you think or the way you carry yourself. It means the person is charmed by your essence as a person and such love is deep and long lasting. Marry someone who has your back behind your back. Someone who defends you in your absence. It's an insult to put up with someone who badmouths or gossips you with friends or their family. Prefer the person who feels lucky to have you, who considers you an answered prayer. Such a person will treasure you and will be very afraid to lose you because they consider you very essential for their happiness and success in the world. Do not marry a prayer item, or a person who had glaring problem like alcoholism or gambling. Pick someone who respects you enough to be honest from the onset, more so about the things that matter before you commit. If someone hides an important factor like having a child 'because they didn't want you to leave,' once you learn it leave. They're both dishonest and disrespectful. They denied you the fair chance to make an informed decision and thought they could just trick and trap you. Prove them wrong. After all, if you married such a person you wouldn't know wjlhen they're being honest or dishonest and you would frequently get embarrassed by learning things about your family through third parties.

Guys please try to marry sensible people so that your colleagues and your friends can communicate with you freely. When people know your spouse is a monster of insecurities they fear even making phones calls and putting you in trouble and so they generally avoid or minimise dealings with you. This is how you deteriorate as a person when you tolerate emotional vampires. People underestimate the hindering power of living with a difficult partner. You know the relationship is headed nowhere but you procrastinate and postpone your departure while silently it's eating up your social life like a disease. Why on earth would you allow to be monitored and dictated about who you're talking to? Why must you explain when you talk to people? Every day the sun rises you're presented with the opportunity to choose better, what are you waiting for?

Sometimes when you meet the right person it's not love at first sight but recognition or realisation at first sight. It's not 'Oh hi, I like you,' but 'oh hello, so you're here! It's you, it was always going to be you.' This doesn't always happen the first time you meet physically but the first time your souls come close, perhaps through working together, having a hearty chat or conversation or spending hours in the same meeting or working on the same project. You suddenly begin to see each other differently and an invisible energy develops between you so that you can almost anticipate each other's thoughts. There's a strange feeling that this is not the first time you're 'experiencing' each other although you're sure you've never known them before. This is the kind of connection that you never doubt whether you chose right, which gives you the strength to soldier through the storms of life.

You need to send a word to those who watch your life and gossip about it as if they don't have their own and tell them to take a break and sip some water because a new season is unfolding. There was a time we used to get disturbed when we heard that some people were discussing us and for a time we would dwell on it wondering what we had done wrong. But nowadays? We are as concerned about it as you would be about dog barking inside a home by the road because it heard you passing by. We have accepted that some people are like dogs in that they will bark at any movement even when they know nothing about who is moving and where they're going. We take their barking not as a threat but as a confirmation that actually we're moving.

How did you come to believe you can't make it without that person and yet there was a time you didn't know them and you were doing just fine? Deal with your addictions my friend and stop baptising them as love because that mislabelling means instead of fighting the addiction you're running after it. And as any addiction expert will tell you, addiction comes from misplacement of needs. You get addicted to alcohol or marijuana because when you start using the substance wrongly trying to medicate an internal void or pain. Addiction to a lover works the same way: you feel lost without them because you're using them to fix another problem and just as it is with drugs, this will never work. You just have to deal with the underlying problem. Attend therapy and fix your past pains and rejections. Otherwise people will keep running away from you because they feel overburdened by your neediness. True love, on the other hand, is balanced and mutually satisfying. You know you want that person but you also know you're making their life better in return, and you're ready to pull away if you're not appreciated. You're in control of the situation.

Perhaps you loved another at the wrong time, at the time when you should have been directing all the love inward, spending every free time to fill the gaps in your life and nurse the ailing sides of you back to health. Perhaps you gave the wrong people the best pieces of you. Perhaps this is the reason it has taken you so long to recover and bounce back. It's because you added salt to injury. You succumbed to impatience and emotions. But now you know. Never again will you throw your pearls to pigs, or admit strangers into the sacred space set apart for your own well-being just because you feel lonely. Now you appreciate solitude as necessary for your inmost recovery. You'll get well, but you'll never be gullible again.

Dear brothers, however beautiful a lady looks in form, if she has a mean spirit, a sly or dishonest streak, she's ugly. And you must force yourself to see her that way lest you get carried away by her physical charms. From ancient days, serpent spirits have always hidden in very seductive bodies. So many brothers have been ruined by marrying beautiful but dangerous damsels because he got too distracted by her charms until he overlooked her flawed character. Once you get the vibe that the lady you had so badly crushed on has another side to her, withdraw your thoughts and your energy from her at once. For a man this is easy because you simply stop interactions and start looking elsewhere. Your system will readily detox itself of her charms and you'll have dodged a bullet.

If someone constantly taunts you about leaving whenever there's a disagreement, they're not in your life to stay. A person who plans on staying will first think of solutions and not think of quitting whenever anything happens. If you hear words like quitting or 'we're done' repeatedly irrespective of whether the person apologises later, get out and save yourself time. If you establish that a person speaks ill of you with their friends thinking you'll never discover it, that's their true feeling about you. Ignore it if you wish or believe their crocodile tears, but you've stumbled upon the truth. We never trash-talk or demean the ones we value with anyone, not even in our silent monologue. If a person compares you unfavourably with other people, you're wasting your time with them. Either they regret being with you and they see better people out there, or they're a deadly narcissist slowly damaging your precious self esteem so they can control you like a puppet. If a person discusses their major decisions with other people first and not you, so that you learn things from third parties or you see the decisions being implemented, you're not a partner to them but a pseudo servant. They don't trust you or respect you and you're not a part of their life. You're just an available convenience for social purpose to give them the status of being married. And this is true even if that other person is their parent. You want to be a person's soulmate and first priority. If you can't be that then there's no point being in their life. If a person brings their kisfolk to your house without discussing with you first and when you object they accuse you of not loving their family, quit early. Such people are impossible to build a happy home with because a happy life requires respect and consultation before major decisions are made.

There are many men who think the best way to take responsibility after they've made a lady pregnant is to marry her and that's a disaster. You cannot correct a mistake by making a bigger one. Parents and society often push people to marry when they learn that you conceived but experience shows that a huge number of mismatch in marriages resulted this way. Pregnancy is just a matter of biological process and it says nothing about whether the two people can work together. The sex they had was obviously a mistake but it should be handled separately without trying to build a life off the foundation of a mishap. You can take responsibility for coparenting without interfering with the trajectory of your life by marrying the lady when you had not evaluated her in that light. You may think you're giving your child a 'complete' home but if there's no love between the parents that home is far from complete.

You don't need to wait for new year or a special occasion so you can start over. All you need to turn things around is a new mindset. When you change how you look at things, the things you look at change, including your life itself. When you begin to see your self worth you find it impossible to tolerate people who don't. Where you used to keep quiet in fear of confrontations now you speak your mind politely but boldly. When you used to fear and recoil now you assert your boundaries and demand respect. Whereas you used to count on people to give you financial freedom and social recognition now you go for them yourself. Wheas you used to accept low positions in life mistaking it for humility now you set your standards high and demand the best life can offer. You may look the same outwardly but this is an entirely different person you've become. Those who try to approach you in the same selfish and manipulative ways they used to exploit the old you will be shocked to learn there's a new sheriff in town.

Ladies, sometimes your man will not eat your food because the hygiene is horrible. Some of us have had the disturbing encounter of a lady passing near you especially when you're seated like the way someone would serve people food at a table so that her torso is near your nose level and a bad odour from her cloths hits your nose. You just pity the man who is expected to deal with that on a close range, and try to make it palatable. There are ladies whose mothers did a good job by training them strictly in personal hygiene, so such that she could invade their bedroom unannounced and go around smelling their cloths more so inner ware. If she caught even a slight smell she could order an immediate thorough cleaning. You might have hated it at that time but now you see that she gave you a crucial life skill that many still lack. Be sure to pass it on to your daughters. Men suffer for the lack of it in their women but they can't complain or train them because the topic is just too sensitive. Sexual matters and food are related in that a small thing like a housefly in the food can ruin appetite. You may not be aware that actually you give off a smell because your nose has grown insensitive to your own body odours and you may not want to ask anyone. But you can actually sniff your cloths immediately after you take them off. You can make it a habit to shower in the morning and evening. You can procure the right soaps and perfumes. You can even pack an extra cloth and carry with you when you have a long day. If you suspect an infection you can visit a gyna or Google and try the remedies that don't need mediation. If you're a man and for some cultural or other reasons you're not circumcised you also need to observe a high standard of personal cleanliness because the pocket created by the skin can easily gather dirt and drops of urine and give off a very repulsive odour. Learn also to smell your own breath using your hand. When you brush your teeth clean the tongue as well. You can also use a mouthwash if you notice a persistent smell. When you take something smelly like eggs or fish gurgle with water immediately or brush your teeth. It's a scientific fact that people remember your smell more than they remember anything else about your personal presence. Don't leave such a crucial element of your character to chance.

There are people who visit your past more than you do, going around telling people of the life you used to live or the people you dated. They're only disturbed by your past partly because they're yet to overcome their own, and partly because they know they cannot touch the person you've become. The most fierce battles you'll fight in this life will always come after you've upgraded your life. You must resist the urge to respond to everything or engage everyone who gets agitated by your progress. If fou put your emotions into everything you'll not have enough energy for building on this new level. How will you deliver the duties of your new position if you're still following up on the gossips of your former colleagues in your previous job? How will you make your new relationship happy if you're so stressed about what your envious former friends are saying?

We will not admit it openly but those men who listen to their wives and respect her advice can tell you that she has saved him from trouble and made him seize opportunities more times than he cares to count. He has eventually arrived at a fateful discovery that there are not many people he can count on in this world because everyone is engrossed in their own lives, and others give advice with hidden agendas. But his wife is the one person who has no conflict of interest and who can spend time thinking about his welfare. The other type of men who have a general condescension towards women and who despise their wive's input eventually lose the race to the first type because two minds working in harmony are infinitely stronger than any single mind however powerful it is. Even the dictator Herod listened to his wife not to hurt the Innocent Man, Father Abraham was advised by his wife Sarah and God approved her counsel, Manoah was counseled by his wife about the Angel's instructions. What if the wife is a crazy or impossibly difficult woman, you ask? What is she doing in your life? Who installed her there? She's still your decision. And how can you entrust such a pivotal position in your life to an incompetent person or a usurper of authority? She may be underperforming but you're responsible for hiring and firing in your own life and ultimately you'll bear the consequences of your bad decision or indecisiveness.

In some quarters if they notice that you're single yet you're 'grown' or you're already working they take it like a crisis and they volunteer to assist with prayers and advice and even (often awkward) suggestions and hookups. They assume you've been unfortunate in your search, or worse, that something is wrong with you and you might end up staying alone. They think you're on a similar timeline as everyone, of getting married as soon as you're on your own. After all, that's how you 'settle' and to remain unmarried is to remain unsettled or somehow 'pending.' You may not succeed in educating these people or making them see another perspective that you're doing your things carefully and methodically because you're keen on the quality of marriage or life you end up in and not just the status of being married. Only don't let their words or behaviour get under your skin. The same people will change tone and hail you as a role model when your plans finally unfold in ways they never saw. You must and foremost be the most ardent believer in your journey.

Any time you feel a desperate need to be chosen or embraced by another, that's a deep invitation to choose yourself this time. It's an eerie sign that you've pegged too much of your wellbeing in the hands of another. If you let someone be the source of your happiness they also become the source of your sadness and they'll play havoc with your emotions. Anxiety, frustrations, fear, feelings of insufficiency. Never hand someone the entirety of your emotional wellbeing like that. Instead, make up your mind that you'll be happy with or without whomever comes into your life. Make it a personal policy that you'll be okay when people stay and you'll be okay when they leave. You hope your friendships and relationships last and you'll do everything on your part to make them last, but you're also prepared to be happy without them in case someone decides to move on without you.

If you're in debts or blacklisted in CRB for petty loans, forget dating or trying to look for love and straighten your finances first. That relationship will put more financial demands on your life and if you cannot get small credit from mobile lenders where will you get it from? Avoid the embarrassment of getting stuck in a matatu stage on a rainy day because fare went up by 50 bob or you sit in hotels for hours unable to pay because the bills exceeded your budget and you're sending frantic messages of distress to everyone trying to borrow money. Relationships and marriages are weighty and demanding. Do not get into one when you're not on your feet. You'll sink further into chaos and trouble. On a similar vein, don't date a lady who can't pay her salon or a guy who can't pay his rent. Such a person is not ripe for marriage. Maturity means someone to adjust their lives and live within their means. If they're living on loans and borrowing, how do you know that they will not live like that all their life? There are people who are financially disorganised and they never outgrow it. When they're young you can mistake it for a stage they're yet to outgrow but you better not sign up with such a person before you see if they can manage their own life and lead a quiet life with the little they're making.

Some people will never change and you cannot force them to. You just have to lower your expectations of them. It doesn't mean you compromise on your standards but that you acknowledge their limitations and adjust what you expect from them. Some of them are in your life to stay like siblings or coworkers. By accepting them for who they have decided to be you make it impossible for their behaviour to continue hurting you.