Benjamin Zulu Global

https://t.me/BenjaminZuluKe Share the channel link.

Stop giving children phones, you're losing them. Phones are to children what coccaine is to adults; forbidden, fun, and highly addictive. Not all people who use coccaine get addicted for your information. Some use it and stop at will without any long term effects. But many more get their lives totally ruined by it. So would you like to experiment with coccaine yourself just because not everyone gets addicted or hurt by it? Of course not, you'd rather stay away. And so it is with children and phones. You may know your friend's kids who were given phones early on and they turned out just fine. But you also know many others who were given and they got totally ruined. So why do you still want to take the risk with your own kids? Generally, parents buy phones for their kids for various reasons. The kids themselves apply pressure on their parents because their friends have them and they're missing out on trends and social media. They even trade their good behaviour or good grades to get their parents to agree. The parent asks the child to work on their grades for instance, and the child manages to secure a promise from the parent that if they improve to grade B or A in the next exam they will be bought a phone. The child has won and both they and the parent have lost the overall game. They have brought the world home and opened the gates of hell for the child. Perverted sexuality like bestiality or sex with animals, sex toys and sex robots, and a myriad of other sexual perversions are being passed to children through phones. And your kids know how to clear search history even at age 5. What else does a phone bring to the child? Mountains of temptations and distractions. Dirty music. Destructive gaming and habits. The language and lifestyle of defiant kids. Connection to drug cartels and how to acquire them behind your back. And for your information schools are a major market for hard drugs, all aided by phone communication. Worse still, the phone takes the center stage of the child's life. They no longer pay attention or get interested in anything else in the house or out there. They eat with it, go to bed with it, walk with it, sit the house with it. When you have important conversations in the house they're not interested because their mind is on the phone. Some create a social media presence with strange names you wouldn't recognise. Then they garner an online following which brings pressure to keep it entertained and engaged. They lie to you that they're practising their dancing or singing skills on Titkok while in fact they're consuming destructive content and wasting time. They can practise the gift without parading it and you must insist on that. The time will come for publicity. Now it's time for growth. The kid is no longer attracted to psycho-motor activities which develop real talents like playing ball, practising an instrument, singing, reading, cooking, biking. These activities now seem boring compared to the phone. When purpose is not clear abuse is inevitable. If you bring a gadget that introduces your kid to the whole world when they really don't need it and when their curiosity is over the roof, abuse will happen. But of course many parents are buying phones to keep the child busy so that the parent does not have to give them attention. Or the parent may be absent and they're using the phone and other gifts to replace their presence. Or the parent has a bad lifestyle that the child came to find out and the phone is a bribe. The parent has no discipline and they're passing it on to the child. In conclusion, your child won't need an internet phone until they finish secondary school or attain the age of majority. You can give it to them, but they don't need it at their age. For communication you can avail a non internet phone at home. For watching educational stuff on YouTube you can enable your TV. Do not open a Pandora's box of temptations when your child is too young to handle them.

Remember how someone treats you is more important than how much you like them. Don't allow your love for someone to reduce you to being their slave. One sided affections are dangerous to your wellbeing. So don't nurse feelings for someone who continually behaves unavailable. Learn to tame your own heart and direct it away from people who don't feel the same about you. This is a critical survival skill in this world. People have ruined their lives by trying to make someone love them back. True love is only real when it's both ways and effortless. Yes true love needs work as well, but the work is to build on the connection that already exists, as opposed to trying to hatch the connection that's not there. If you have to induce someone's feelings for you they'll die off when you're out of sight. You were just in their sight, never in their heart.

Let's be clear that you don't get to replace a person who gave you both lover and best friend vibes that easily. If you mess around and lose a person who came both as your soulmate and your buddy you'll be looking for long to find their equal. Unless the mess wasn't your fault in which case you can reinvent yourself without guilt and get hunting again, the repercussions of betraying such a person are generally permanent. That combination just doesn't repeat itself.

Make your energy exclusive. Let people have to come through respect to reach you. Dent access to people who are coming at you through outdated routes like your past and versions of yourself you've outgrown. If you've invested sweat and pain towards becoming who you are now, why would you give it at no cost? It's neither economical nor sustainable. Too often people who don't have value for their time and their energy will think yours is equally worthless. They will come to idle in your space with purposeless activity and if you don't recognise early what's going on you'll flow along and get wasted. I hope you know that not every single person who acts 'available' is worth much. And not everyone is keen on self improvement and growth. As a result, you can be of the same age bracket or same university cohort but have very different values. It's not egotistical to acknowledge that some people don't qualify to access your space if you realize that they bring no value except entitlement. In the natural market valuable things have prices and people have to afford the prices to access those things. It's the same in the relationships market. Attach a price tag to your energy.

Early Signs That You're Finally Maturing One: You no longer need the company of other people to feel complete. Being by yourself has become a good company as well. Two: You're becoming aware of the mistakes you've been repeating over and over, and you're locking horns with your own tendencies to change them. You suddenly realise that your life is passing away and you cannot continue the same way. Three: You're actively running away from drama as opposed to running towards it. You've lost curiosity for people's affairs and you no longer want updates on who is breaking up with who. You now prefer a quiet life and minding your own affairs. Four: You're beginning to realize that good things are not always fun, and what you need to do to move forward may be uncomfortable or even painful. So you still limp to the gym because you know you need it, you begin to eat the right food even though it's not the most tasty. You adopt lifestyle habits that will serve you in the long run even if they're somewhat uncomfortable now. Five: You're no longer clinging on to people. You're now letting people choose to stay or leave in your life however much you were invested in them. You've lived enough to know that people will do what they want and begging them won't change a thing.

Sometimes you need to wish people well but leave them where they are. If they cannot communicate their feelings when they're upset, leave them alone. They have another long journey to go and attempting a relationship with them will be impossible. If they were betrayed as a child and as a result they're unable to be open and vulnerable, or if they had a nasty breakup and they're still hurting as a result and they're unable to trust, leave. Particularly if you're the sensitive type who pick people's struggles and immediately jump in to help them, you'll need to arrest your heart quickly. Relationships based on rescue are a disaster and history is littered with remains of good people who got consumed by plunging into issues of other people. Learn to feel pity or even love but still leave people to process their life. If you need to hand them a hammer do it, but don't become the carpenter. A lot of people will be in the workshop for years before they can lift the weight of a relationship. And you can't put your life on hold waiting for them.

There was a time I was scheduled to speak at a certain event and I was in correspondence with two ladies who were managers from that organisation. There was nothing personal because we didn't even know each other on a personal level. It was all about the upcoming event - exchanging pieces of information and documentation. I would talk to one lady and she would inform the other and it went well until we got the event done. But after my session one of the ladies called me aside to ask why I had missed her call the previous day and when her colleague called I had picked. It was rather surprising to me because I could hardly tell them apart physically before that day and actually I was still trying to register their faces to their names. I explained that I had been in another talk out of town and obviously I couldn't receive all calls. In any case after I had talked to her colleague I thought it must have been the same issue she was calling over. She looked disproportionately affected by a very small issue and although you may think it was envy and pettiness between them, let me tell you another common cause of this behaviour. A still open wound from a past hurt. Unhealed trauma. Especially the suffering caused by an unavailable partner or parent. It will usually have planted a deep fear of people not responding to you. So when people don't pick calls you feel triggered and upset for a long time and you over think it for so long until you're also ashamed. The solution to this over sensitivity is to identify the unhealed wound within. If someone used to ignore you out of malice, you may interpret everyone's ignoring you to be malicious still even when it's not. You must retrain yourself to pause when you get the same feelings of abandonment from new people and to catch yourself before you respond. This way you can sit with your feelings for a moment and examine if they're sincere or just transferred.

Giving love-like attention to another person is cheating, even if it never goes past that. Making another person think they have a chance with you is cheating. Hiding the fact that you're married from someone when there are feelings between you is cheating. Cheating is not just the act of sex. It's taking the 'specialness' between you and your partner and extending it to another person behind their back. So it's never 'we're just chatting, we're just hanging out, there's nothing serious.' What kind of energy is between you? What's on your minds? If there are feelings and fantasies that you're already aware of, you crossed the boundaries already. And being loyal to your partner doesn't mean that 'umekaziwa' or you're being limited in your socialising. You're free to interact with the outside world as long as you keep the sacred love with your partner protected. In any case this is what true love is all about and you ought to have known it or you shouldn't have signed up.

If you're aware that you grew up without any meaningful connection with your dad or someone in that position, don't get married before seeing a therapist. You may have dangerous gaps which you have never identified but they will influence your choice of a partner and contaminate your life permanently. Even if you're not in any psychological pain or you have done corrective self growth, it won't hurt to just see a professional and get a clean bill of health. A father gives you identity. You carry his name and his frame. He gives you the infrastructure from which you walk the world. And if he never stayed to interpret the world for you, you must take a compensatory journey to find a replacement for him. The work of orienting you to the world and callibrating your self love still must be done. And you cannot just gloss over such a huge task and skip it or you will be attempting a slow suicide. If you're a man you will start marrying people who have deep dad issues because you 'understand them,' or you will keep falling for older men subconsciously looking for a dad's validation. A side note to those presumptuous women who are still (risking and) getting babies with boyfriends, this is the battle you're birthing your children into. After the devil, you're their next worst enemy. Your reckless sexual behaviour will have landed them into battles they never asked for. But no, you think having sex with your boyfriend is okay because 'you plan on getting married some day.' And yet you're surrounded by father-abandoned children who were born in similar circumstances of ignorance you're repeating, or you're one like that yourself! If you can't zip up until you find a prepared husband and a committed father and get children inside marriage, you're doing your reproductive legacy the worst injustice. And no, killing the child you conceive in this setting doesn't absolve you of responsibility. Now you have a case with the Giver of Life himself. And I hope you remember Eli's warning to his sons 'If one person sins against another, God may mediate for the offender; but if anyone sins against the Lord, who will intercede for them?' (1 Samuel 2:25)

Dear Young Girls, Dress Only Smart, Never Sexy. You're Being Hunted. I saw one girl at a mall commanding a lot of attention with her - not beauty- but youth and dangerous naivety. She must have been 20 at most, but she had this growth spurt where adolescents grow big very fast and too often they're excited about their new look. So she had worn a fitting dress with all her thighs out and, of course, she turned heads and caused a stir whenever she passed. Of course she gloried in the attention. For the meantime, anyway. If you were observant growing up you must have noticed how ladies emerged and disappeared in waves every end of year. They would complete secondary school and join adult community during this growth spurt when they were looking hot and sexy. Then, not knowing what to do with the new look they flaunted it. And sure enough, it took the 'hunters' only one December holiday to make all of them pregnant or run off with them in a whirlwind marriage. Soon they would they would come back with two children, subdued. The only ladies who survived the 'sweep off' were those who avoided unnecessary attention, left home only when going somewhere important, and dressed modestly. They were referred to as 'hard nuts to crack' because they had self respect and it was hard to even see them around. This is the rule: if you're just growing do not dress in a sexually or romantically suggestive manner. There are men who hunt for young and naive girls like you and they will easily outwit you and pick your flower before it blossoms. Your skin looks supple and baby-like, exactly what the hungry hyenas are looking for to quench their lust at your expense. During your growing years, hide. Do not stand out for predators to follow you in hordes. Tone down your beauty and avoid unnecessary attention. Remember even when you're not trying to draw attention there will still be hyenas after you, but this small number is easier to dodge. Dress only smart and modest, never hot or sexy. Never show your boobs, never show your thighs. It tells the predator 'you know these things' and they will easily pick up the sex-charged conversation from there. If, on the other hand, you give no 'invites' it's tripple hard for someone to go there because that door is psychologically closed. Remember some of these predators are sociopaths. They have STI's and they believe that every time they sleep with a virgin or a young girl they're getting cleansed. Others are growing old and they hate it, so they believe if they sleep with young girls they're refilling their energy. It's a bad world out here. Remain inconspicuous during your incubation years. (©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

You can't keep a sincere person guessing. You can afford to be inconsistent and shady with a person who is in your life for the money or status, because as long as they're getting the benefits that's good enough. But sincere people want to only love and build with you. And since that's their primary goal you must be true with them. If you also have other good things going on for you, like having superior looks or status in your community, those are good additions but that's not what they're focusing on. This is why they will walk out even if your career is flying and people are worshipping you. They cannot afford to gamble with their hearts or their lives. They're not after material things but true companionship and taking care of each other's hearts. At any moment their first concern is the status of your relationship, not the outward things of money and fame. They know that such things can disappear in a moment. But true love is solid and reliable in riches and in lack. This is where everything starts for them. So, fix your honesty. Tame your ego and be humble and open before you lose the most precious gift life had ever given you - a sincere lover.

You should never have to remind a grown up to take you out on dinners or to check on you regularly. Those are the things they would do automatically if they loved you and if they're not doing them it means they don't love you. They may be attracted to you on a certain level but they don't value you enough to invest their life with you. You're looking for love from the wrong place and either of two things will happen: they will do what you want as a formality until you get deeply emotionally attached and then you're crushed when they finally find their true love and leave. Or you will contract a loveless union where you're always begging and unsatisfied. They will have married you because you're a 'fat cow' in terms of benefits but their heart is not with you. In summary, if someone is not crazy about you, there is nothing to build on. When people behave like they don't want you very much, believe them.

You cannot have a productive conversation with a narcissist about their behaviour because they live in a fantasy world where they have never done anything wrong. And if they did, you had done a worse thing to deserve it all. In order to communicate with a person you need first to agree on what constitutes reality. But narcissists live in a make believe world in which they're saints and incapable of any wrong. That's why you can't get through to them. And if you attempt to force them to acknowledge their actions, which are non existent according to them, now you're the aggressor attacking an innocent person and you will be met with retaliation and wrath. Now you see why whenever you try to discuss what they did to you they want to focus on how you reacted instead. Because they're incapable of wrong. It's your reaction that's wrong and that's supposed to be rebuked and punished. And what's the root of all this distortion? A deep seated pride and selfishness. A total lack of empathy and consuming selfishness. Narcissists are not human. They only appear human, but they're heartless. And are they conscious of what they're doing? Of course yes, because they change their behaviour when there's a witness. They treat you differently when there are people, in order to appear like an excellent partner or parent. If you're waiting for a narcissist to change, you're waiting for your own time to run out. And how do you know whether someone is a narcissist? Simple: if they show a total inability to take responsibility for their actions, an unbelievable degree of lack of empathy and an excellent ability to live like two people in one - an angel to the public and a demon to their family.

Question: What if since you met them they have been struggling financially?? But they do check up on you, just that they don't make enough to take you out on dates Does it make sense or there's no love there? It means they're on a different season other than dating and you should mercifully move on to allow them to stay on track. True love also means letting people finish their seasons of growth without interrupting them even if that means missing out on being with them. You may be attracted to each other but they may be unready for dating yet. Dates are not just for entertaining you. Actually all men know that during searching when you take a lady for a date you're giving yourself the opportunity to study her upclose. He needs those meetings as much as you. They're both romantic and strategic. So if he cannot get those interviews happening now it also means he's not ready to hire. And no, you can't wait for them because you don't know how long they will take and you have your own timelines to keep up with. (©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

Stop giving do-overs to people who keep treating you like leftovers. If you continue making someone your first option when they're keeping you as their last option, you're facilitating your own disappointment. It's okay to fight for your love, but it's wrong to fight for someone. Fighting for your love means being together with your partner against the challenges of life. Things like financial challenges, envious onlookers, and betrayal from friends. But lowering yourself to pour into someone who is not sure about you is not fighting for love but rather fighting for another riveting heartbreak. Whenever you find yourself falling deeper for people who are lukewarm and staccato towards you, it's a sign that you're loving from a wounded place. You have been conditioned to earn love from indifferent caregivers by over-giving and over-investing. You're disconnected from yourself because no one built yourself self-esteem and the capacity to love yourself. You should stop trying to earn love because you'll continue to attract predators and instead start going after your wholeness. When you heal and reconnect with your core, you will love from a healthy place where only reciprocal love moves you. It will be liberating to finally connect with those who stay and invest, not those who string along only to exploit.

Again brothers, if a lady has a smelly mouth that's probably not the only part that smells. Her hygiene levels are poor overall. Stop marrying ladies just because she looks beautiful and she feels good in bed. Remember matters of cleanliness are a kind of consciousness and awareness and it's something she must have developed on her own. You cannot instil it. This is not one of those things you can teach each other in marriage. You can only help each other in perfecting it, when you already have an appreciation of the importance already. Otherwise any attempt at correcting her will be taken badly and retaliation will follow. And then other things that are simple and routine to other couples will become a hell for you. Things like kissing or whispering to each other's ear. Imagine someone whispering to you and you have to hold your breath or sneeze. And we're not saying men themselves don't have required standards of hygiene for a union to work. The clean woman you're looking for will also require similar standards in return. And even if you're not there yet, you should be very aware of the necessity and eagerly open for uncomfortable but necessary feedback. Those of us who do video shows know that you can't be defensive and egotistical to feedback because a small blemish can ruin a whole show. If you've been talking without sipping water and your lips are cracked or they form whitish stains at the corners, you must pause and clean up. That said, remember ladies' most sensitive area to their ego and self esteem is desirability, the equivalent of men's sexual prowess. So only the most matured woman can withstand any criticism around those areas touching on her attractiveness. Solution? Date only mature women who have come full circle to handle their personal hygiene with the required degree of care. Stop getting blinded by outward looks and sexual energy. Pay more attention or else you'll end up with a beautiful but impossible woman. Possible objections: what if it's a medical condition? There are ways to manage even that when one has taken control of the situation consciously. Remember a bad smell is bad whatever the root cause is. Most people who have this problem don't even realize they have it. They're just neglectful and careless.

Continue Kuchovya-Chovya Hey Benjamin What can I do to leave a guy who I have been dating for the last 3 years he is 27 and I am 35 I know this is kinda madness but the problem is I love his *** too much. And amekwama na Mimi kabisa. We argue alot, misunderstanding is the order of the day.. I am with him reason being that I feel like am not lucky when it comes to love. I feel lonely and I would like to date my age mates hua sipatani nao napatana tu na watoto. am I cursed? It has reached a point nimechoka kabisa and coz nilikua nimempenda thats why nashindwa kumtoka lakini nataka Sana kumuacha.. Please give me a sober advice. This is not a relationship but an addiction, and a powerful one. To get out you'll need a strong resolve and the help of a therapist. You may need to change your lifestyle and create another life which this man is not a part of. You may have to move houses, change phone number or take a break from social media, and generally disappear from his radar. At the same time you'll be undertaking personal work to manage the cravings and withdrawal symptoms. It'll be a fight just like getting out of any other addiction and you may even be put under medication at some point from psychosomatic or stress related ailments. Addiction to sex can be as powerful - and as dangerous - as addiction to crack coccaine. A warning to those who like 'tasting- tasting' men allegedly 'to see if they can satisfy you.' One day you'll bump upon a wrong number called the Dandies. These are men who live for pleasure and are sex maniacs. They perfect the art of pleasuring women in bed and to live off her monies in exchange. They're generally irresponsible and lazy, but they're unbeatable in bed. They can literally take you to cloud nine. The problem is that they're not faithful and they don't try to settle with you. From the first time you get in bed with them they give you an unforgettable experience and you're hooked. The relationship between you will be stormy and chaotic because of infidelity and their carefree lifestyle but every time you try to leave the cravings strike again. Because you mistake the addiction for love you may never seek help and that's how you waste your life in a cycle of addiction. Many people baptise it as on-and-off relationship to kind of sanitise it. And just like an alcoholic or meth addict, you're also faced with diseases and depression. And a person who was otherwise well to do os drained and wasted by something never gave them the name for.

There are people who date for 'experience,' or to 'see what's out there.' So they get into exclusive and often sexually active relationships for 'exploration' purposes, ostensibly to 'learn.' But they won't warn you that they're only looking for a fling, so you may invest all of you into the relationship. And there's no worse heartbreak than a one-sided commitment. There are honest people who tell you earlier on that they're not looking for anything serious, or they're in a toxic phase of their life and they cannot date now. But after learning you more they fall in love with your wonderful personality and they try to change their narrative with things like 'You made me change my mind. For you I'm willing to give it a trial. You're just a different person from everyone else I ever met.' This is a trap, for two reasons: it puts the weight of the relationship on you alone because for them they're already reluctant, or broken. And secondly, you must be perfect and live up to that extraordinary image they have painted of you. If you become human and falter, they will be disappointed in you and return back to their 'break from love.' Solution? Never date an explorer. If you're a keeper, date only a keeper. A seeker who is both prepared and on the lookout. Someone who is prepared for the long journey and they're looking for another prepared traveller they go all the way together. Pay attention to confessions and never allow anyone to change from their position because of you. It's always a superficial change, a trap.

Be careful with people who, from the onset of encountering them, they start complimenting you in a backhanded way. Something like 'You have a beautiful smile but I think you have a food particle in your teeth.' You're likely to jump into action to correct the fault and seek their approval. The point is usually to make you feel insecure, less confident and therefore dependent on their validation. If it's only a food particle or a stain on your lips- which a perfect narcissist can totally make up - it's easy to recover your composure. But it's more complicated when they say things like 'That suit fits you well but I think you've added a little bit too much weight.' Or 'That hair cut is so nice but I think it makes you look like a cowboy.' So is cowboy a good thing or a bad thing in this context? That nagging doubt is exactly the point. But they will quickly move on to other subjects. Another technique is to start a complaint on something you posted but they stop midway. 'But why would you share something like this? Anyway, forget it. It's okay.' Narcissists are jealous of anything that looks good on you but they can't admit their jealousy, so they misconstrue the meaning indirectly. They're also known to give these ambiguous comments that you can't tell if they're positive or negative. 'But why are you eyes so white? Anyway, I have to go.' Shouldn't white eyes be beautiful? Is that an admiration or a point of concern?' 'Your car is so new, it must have costed you a fortune.' The point here is this: some people will start trying to break your down from day one. You can tell because their comments leave you confused and wanting to explain or correct something to please them. Always disengage at once. It's a classic narcissistic mind control tool.