Benjamin Zulu Global

Some of these women claiming to be happy to be married as second wife it's because they have zero value as a woman. She knows no man would ever marry her anyway so she settles for just anything. She has nothing to offer a man except her body which she has subjected to drugs or debauchery. Yes, she will be happy to to be wife number anything because she's already done and dusted. She wasted her youth with a reckless abandon. Having no character to attract a self respecting man to marry her as his only wife, no honesty to attract his trust, no patience to build a home, no ideas to build a meaningful life and no patience for the long and arduous process, what hopes would she have? Of course to find a decent man who gives her any attention is more than she could ever hope for and so she jumps at the opportunity, trapping him with pregnancy and witchcraft and outright deception. Some of these men wake up too late in the day when she has already poisoned his life beyond repair, draining all his wealth and separating him from everyone who truly cared. These are the men who stagger back to the first family carrying their cloths in a paper bag, begging to be nursed and fed.

I hope you've noticed that when you become too understanding you end up looking over disrespect. You avoid bringing up uncomfortable conversations when you feel violated because you fear they'll spiral out of control or that you'll 'ruin the mood.' You think you're keeping the peace, but where does this leave you? You suppress it and only start a war within. You have exaggerated the risks of speaking up and downplayed the consequences of not speaking up. Always remember that any relationship that can be ruined by you expressing your honest feelings wasn't worthy keeping in the first place.

Some of us hustle so hard because we hate asking people for stuff and the discomfort of relying on others for basics, or for people to help us only to hear them say later 'If it were not for me.' Again, we're not looking for money so that we can have gold-plated toilet seats or private luxury jets, although we don't mind those things and neither do we condemn those who have them. But the first reason we look for money is to have our freedom; to have the power to move here or there, to attend a friend's graduation or to mourn with another who loses their loved one; to attend to different needs of our lives without having to bow and scrape for permissions or financing. Some people want to be rich and famous and flamboyant; but some of us just want to be self reliant and contented. All we want is a rather private, peaceful existence.

Sometimes you need to proclaim things to yourself so you can order your mind and channel your thoughts in the direction you desire. So let us affirm as follows: 'I will endeavour to remain calm and centered through everything. I will not allow things I cannot control and the noise of bystanders to churn inside of me or drain me of energy. When people say mean things to me I will remind myself that they're talking bitter because they're feeling bitter within themselves, and I don't have to take it in. I will deflect what I don't want to feel. While I will not shut my ears to correction or criticism, I will not let people's anger and hatred disturb me. I will ride above it and find solace within myself and my fellow compatriots in the journey to self mastery. To this path I solemnly commit.'

There's another reason why you should keep your inner or personal life away from public view: so that you can take your losses in private. Life is just too unpredictable and occasional mishaps are inevitable. You need the ability to nurse your injuries in peace, to recuperate when you've suffered a loss, and to finally charge back to the trenches incognito. There are times in life when you're injured and vulnerable and the only weapon you have remaining is being invisible. Never surrender your ability to retreat out of sight. It's essential for survival. Even if you build a mansion don't write your name at the gate; when you buy a good car don't write your name on the number plate. Do not raise signals showing your enemies where you are. When you're on stage or in the limelight perform to your best, but when you descend from the stage blend among the masses, crawl back to your cage and rest. Then come out tomorrow and return to the public arena to do your work again. This is the rhythm that will keep you going for many years. Some people try to be flashy and to put up a show even with their private life and so they leave themselves nowhere to rest and rejuvenate. Consequently they burn out within a few years. Treat life as a marathon that needs stability more than speed. This way your career will be long and fruitful.

Stop praying to be made different if you can't stand being left out. To be exceptional you must also be emotionally stable enough to enjoy small company and solitude. Those who run in packs never climb this high. The openings that lead the way up are too small for a group. Once you shift your prayers and start asking to be among the stars, pray also for a thick skin to keep warm on your own because that path is never crowded.

Sometimes your healing only begins when you realize who you need to distance yourself from. You might have wrestled migraines, indigestion, frequent colds and clogging in your lungs for a long time, all because your relationship is tumultuous. Prolonged stress wreaks havoc on our health. The reason you haven't made the connection yet? Either you're genuinely unaware of the possibility or that reality is just too ugly to consider and so you prefer to disbelieve and look away. Some have disbelieved all the way to an early grave or a barren life. When the cost of staying becomes higher than the cost of leaving, only a bad trader would continue to trade at a loss.

There are people who can love you insanely with their emotions and still not know how to love you right with their actions. Many people like the idea of being in a relationship with a good person like you, but few possess the emotional capacity to be available emotionally. Some are wounded, some have esteem and identity issues, and others are battling demons of rejection and self hate. Learn to look beyond people's confession of love for you and to decipher their psychological make up to see if they can handle love.

It's one thing to be broken, and it's another to still be in love with the one who broke you. And when does this happen? It happens when you love other people more than you love yourself, when you're addicted to the relationship as if to a drug. This makes you not get angry when they violate your trust and use you for their selfish gain. To continue having a soft spot for people who don't care one bit about you is not a sign that you're loving but a sign that you have abandoned your own wellbeing and so you're at their mercies. Granted, sometimes you can still miss the good moments and the future you had seen with the person, but when you remember the disrespect and the inconsistency you remind yourself that you deserve better. You don't act on the feelings and go back to the person, you force yourself to acknowledge the reality and with time your feelings for them fade out.

You shall respect habits and patterns, not apologies and explanations. People who want to keep you in their life while doing things that hurt you for their selfish gain are often experts at acting sorry and giving you hopes so that you never take action. Understand that how poeple treat you is how they feel about you. Words are dime a dozen and anyone can say anything to cloak their roguish behaviour; but actions are concrete and self explanatory. If you discover that someone is still in contact with an ex or still going behind your back and violating your trust, if you had forgiven the behaviour to give them a chance to change but they still returned to it, that's a pattern or habit, the life they have chosen to live. If you downplay the message of their behaviour and instead listen to the version they create with their words, you'll get confused for many days.

There's no true love in polygamy and there can never be, for the simple reason that love is only possible between two people, never three. Love is jealous and territorial in nature and when we truly love a person we want them for ourselves only. This is human nature and those who advocate multiple wives are those benefitting from it for their selfish reasons: the man and the second wife. Yes there are African cultures and other cultures where polygamy is allowed, but in those marriages the man is a master to the woman, not a partner or a lover. Those cultures are male dominated and the position of the woman is suppressed. No wonder they allow only polygamy, not bigamy or the woman having multiple husbands. Are there women who are happy with these kind of marriages? Of course there are, and they will never complain about the other wives because she came prepared for it. But we all know most men taking other wives had married under monogamous rules and had promised the woman to be with them alone for life. It's a total betrayal. Some women have tried to stay and make it work after the man has acquired another woman only to realize that it's not the same any more. The exclusivity they had is no longer there. She is no longer the queen of his heart, she is no longer enough for him, she is no longer special. No woman who had married because of love will stay under such conditions. Those who stay it's because they're totally depended on the man financially or they're so addicted to the image of being married that they're willing to sacrifice their mental health to maintain it.

A warning ladies: sometimes you can get caught up in a baby fever because your colleagues are having babies or because you've hit the age at which you always dreamt of becoming a mother. Or, more frequently, you simply had careless sex and got pregnant. It's unfortunate that the full implications of having a child outside marriage or before you're ready to raise one are rarely discussed. All you hear is babies being called blessings and bundles of joy, and while the baby is actually a blessing, the fact is even a blessing requires the right timing. A good thing at the wrong time can mess up your life and the bundle of joy can become a bundle of bills or stressors. Ask anyone who had to raise a kid while a student and they'll tell you the experience can be a hell. Meeting the demands of the baby, the demands of her studies and the financial strain can be traumatising. Be warned young women. Also, if you plan on dating and getting married I strongly recommend you start with the marriage for the simple reason that most men would rather marry a lady who has no child they start together. Not all men of course, but most. And if you happen to get a boy in particular, you'll find it harder because some men feel like there will be 'two men' in the home and he doesn't know if they'll get along. Most of us know a lady who got married with a boy and the strained relationship between the boy and the man brought constant tension in the home. Statistics from rescue centers and rehabilitation centers show that difficult step father relationships are the leading reasons boys end up in streets, crime or juvenile correctional facilities. So think long term before you get a child. But if you find yourself having become pregnant already, brace and build your life with your kid. It's a major responsibility but women have done it and not only succeeded but emerged better people through the experience.

Avoid all kinds of relationships that require you to tread carefully, pick your words carefully and avoid triggering people with over sensitive egos. Occasional encounters with people like these are unavoidable but you must not settle in such an environment be it work or relationships. You're being conditioned to tamp down your personality and suppress your nature. If you stay there long enough you'll even forget who you used to be. We all have an experience of meeting a person who returned from prison or an abusive relationship and they had changed for the worse overall. An abusive relationship is sometimes worse than prison in fact, because unlike the prisoner, the victim of abuse did nothing wrong and their sentence was indefinite. The person who comes out of years of playing a timid person has acquired the timidity as a trait and those who know their previous personality can only grieve as if grieving a person who died, because a part of them actually died. While recovery is always possible, most times it never quite happens. Better to flee these oppressive environments before they alter you too deeply.

It's possible to be both happy and healing at the same time. You don't wait until you're whole or fully recovered to start laughing and playing again. You do it simultaneously. The moon shines in whatever phase it's in. People may call it names like crescent or half moon, but that only describes the part that they can see, the part that can benefit them. The moon is always full, but only some sides of it can show up at times. Similarly, people will label you according to how much you can benefit them. Be like the moon and stick to your schedule until you're in a position to shine in full. Do you need to invest money in your own comfort or consolation after a painful season or to purchase items of convenience that other people are disapproving of? Go ahead and do it. Do you need to distance yourself from some community because of the energy or memories they bring? It's perfectly in order. What if you suffer ostracism for your non conformity? That's a small price to pay for your own wellbeing.

Sometimes you'll find yourself dating a person you knew many years back, or who you've been acquainted with from home, or church or secondary school. The reconnection is wonderful and you feel so excited at the prospect of possibly settling with a person who is not a stranger after all. Perhaps you had already liked each other from back then or you had even attempted a relationship. In any case, avoid the terrible mistake of 'picking up from where you left.' This is a different human being than who you knew that time, and so are you. The early years of development transform people completely and you must now learn them afresh as if you never knew them. People blunder by rushing forward because they think they know the person. Remind yourself that as teenagers or young adults you neither had set values nor developed personalities and you were yet to pick a path in life. Your behaviours were largely determined by your families, church and school. You need to know who they are as an adult now

Some people will keep walking past you and keeping you as an option. They won't commit to you and they won't let you go either. They want to keep a tab on you as they look around. All they give you is ambiguity and mixed signals, and perhaps ulcers. They love you but they still want to look around perhaps there's someone better. Never fall for someone who is still walking. You don't even need to chase them away either. Only keep it where they want to keep it: tentative. This attitude will both safeguard your freedom to keep searching as they're doing and also garner you respect from them because they see you're also proficient at the game and you're not available to be packed on wait-and-see terms.

If you're beginning to feel like you deserve better and you can do more, you're experiencing an awakening to your own calling. If you're getting a sensation that you belong to a place better than this, a standard higher than this in life, that's your potential beckoning you. You must not subject this urge to anyone's approval; not your parent or your partner or your boss. Discuss it only with supportive people who can add insight to it, and who are supportive. A lot of precious dreams have become still births because the carries placed it in the hands of the wrong midwives. You already know everyone in your inner circle and how they would respond to an idea like this. Learn to shut your mouth and incubate your moves until they take shape.

Some of you have the gift of encouraging people but you've not yet learned how to identify the right people to work with. There's nothing as unfulfilling as trying to motivate reluctant people to climb to a top spot in their field. We all know how people react badly when you wake them from sleep and surely nobody wants that to be their job description. Your job is to help those people who are already eager to go and all they want is a road map and a few pointers about the best route. Never waste your precious time trying to arouse or awaken a person who is not committed to their own growth. If someone shows you that they don't see the point in growing, believe them 100% and respect their choice. You're not called to convert losers into winners, but to help winners win more, win better, win sooner.

I hope you understand now that you're not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a deeply disordered world. If they ask why you cry so often tell them it's for the same reason you laugh so often: because you're paying attention, because you're connected to life around you. Only you must let go expectimg others to be like you: you're a deep soul and most people are shallow. Detach yourself from wanting to be understood and flow in your unique nature. As to who will stay in your life or what your life will turn into, you'll understand it all by and by.

Take a stand and speak your truth. Your fear of being left is way out of proportion and is making people stay around you only to harm you. It's upon you to protect your spirit. The reason you must have high standards is to protect yourself from low grade experiences. When you hold yourself to royal standards in manner and talk, you will find it impossible to put up with someone who wants to treat you like a peasant. Become impossible to disrespect.