Benjamin Zulu Global

Ladies please, stop being too handsy and touchy-feely with your sons once they reach the stage of being conscious of their masculinity. Particularly from age ten or at the onset of teenage. A boy's first sexual fantasies can be directed to his mother, so when you continue touching him when the hormones have arrived, what are you inducing? In the recent past I've noticed some of you walking around with your hands on the boys and his discomfort is written all over his body language. He wonders how he's being seen by other people especially his peers, in public. When you hold him, let it be a simple holding of his hand to guide him across the road or something of that sort. Do not interfere with his autonomy and his growing sense of independence by continuing to handle him like the child he once was. To keep your hands on his shoulder, adjusting his jacket here, rubbing something off his face there, these are very emasculating things. But since he doesn't want to offend you he may not object. The thing with raising a child is that you must grow with them. When they cross stages you vary how you relate with them to avoid awkwardness and friction. But how many parents are actively trying to acquire knowledge and to inform themselves on how to parent better? Also, avoid calling boys romantic pet names. It's confusing. Take that energy to your girls and your lovers. Call him 'son' or just a variation of his real names. That's enough. These other shenanigans of sweetheart, baby, prince, my king, my angel, my world... you know who you're supposed to take that energy to. Stop having emotional incest with an innocent boy. Also, stop telling tiny boys that they're 'your world.' Where was your world before he was born? Get a life Karen. This is only a child. Do not burden them with your emotional needs. Go get emotional support from your friends and your circles, or therapy. Avoid that toxic transference. Relate with your son like a son, not a pseudo lover or a tool for scratching your itch for love. Do not send him to your bedroom after his voice has broken or the male hormones have kicked in. He shouldn't see your innerwear or your nakedness or he'll lose respect for you. And don't walk around the house with 99% of your boobs out. He's no longer breastfeeding for heaven's sake! And that's how seeds of incest are sown. Hug him decently from that point on. Reduce these damn kisses. Who said he needs them anyway? Also, when you visit or pick him at school in the sight of his friends treat him like a young man, not your pet. When teenagers are together self consciousness is very high. Get to know his friends if he comes along with them. He has a world of his own now and it's very meaningful for him when you acknowledge it. And please note, this problem is NOT peculiar to single mothers. It's a risk for all mothers of sons because they often form a very strong bond from birth and breastfeeding, which is the right thing at that time. But she may not know how to let their bond evolve and progressively allow the boy to individuate and occupy his own space while still having a very healthy friendship with him.

There are people who when they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it. Because they cannot deal with who you've become they try to bring up who you used to be. 'Isn't this the son of Joseph and Mary?' They will revert to blood relations or a past relationship because that's the only time they had access to you. They have a dilemma in that they want to use what you have become now, but they don't want to acknowledge it lest they be required to pay the right price for it. They need your resourcefulness but they don't want to acknowledge it. It's a subtle con game. Your solution is to understand that some people cannot relate with who you're becoming, even if they were once important to you in the past. And since many can never be happy about that your work is to carefully and tactfully edge past them and carry on with your journey.

If you have a history of unhealthy relationships where you always find yourself heavily invested in the relationship but then the partner pulls away, may be it's not your fault. Perhaps your relationships pattern was set early in your childhood. If your parents conceived you when they didn't want another child, for instance, or when they were too young to settle and parent, that's the genesis. Your mother must have felt anxious about the financial and emotional burden of raising you and it may have taken a decision to 'keep the pregnancy.' Isn't it appalling how escapism and killing innocent babies have been normalised until not killing the child is now counting for virtue? Abstinence and preventing conception are the only rational ways to keep off pregnancy, not murdering of the foetus. Rest assured that the Defender of the defenseless slumbers not. (Psalm 140:12) Anyway, back to your story. So from the womb you identify with your mom's feelings of being overwhelmed and inconvenienced. Yes, babies can identify with mother's feelings even before they're born. After you were born they sought a way to get you off their hands as soon as possible so they can pursue their careers. So before you were even a year you were being left at daycare or with grandparents. Your needs for your mother's attention and love went unmet. At some point you're forced to 'adjust and survive,' so you split up your needs for validation and instead you learn to 'play cool' and earn approval by performance. You couldn't afford to be too demanding to your handlers. So you relegated your needs to mean you're 'bothering people.' So this pattern becomes your programming, although totally subconscious. You downplay your needs so as not to be a burden. You want commitment as soon as you meet a new person because you're very anxious about being left. You invest too much too soon to 'earn' the person's trust, to prove why you're valuable to them. But there's a law of human psychology and relationships that's working against you. It says that the more you love yourself the more you're charismatic and attractive to others because you're not needy or clingy. On the contrary, you beam with happiness and ease, which makes your company very pleasant. And the opposite is true. The less you're aware of your own worth the less attractive and more needy you are. This makes people want to run from you because they fear your neediness imprisoning them. Solution? Pause and recover your worth. Forgive and process the unfortunate circumstances of your brith. Reconcile with the fact that you're still here and you can align your life differently.

There's no point asking what you should do because your partner has been cheating on you for many years or since you got married and you knew it all along. Don't even start describing the sick details of the kind of men or women they have been sleeping with. The fact that you've sat with the cheating for that long says more about you than about them. You lack self respect and you're too cowardly to stand up for yourself. And many of you ask such nonsense when you're still bearing children with the person and you pretend that you don't know what you should do. Keep waiting. Diseases and depression will arrive soon to help you make up your mind. NB: this situation is most common with women who marry when they're too young and before they have developed themselves to any degree. They're totally dependent on the man so they cannot confront him lest he cuts the support and neither can they walk out because they have to return to square one on self development. Perhaps she had not completed her studies or she left her family on bad terms. This is a death trap but girls keep walking into it like sheep going into slaughter. Be warned young people, looking for shortcut will get you cut short. And if a man with money means everything to you, you'll end up losing everything because of him. The hard way is the only way. Submit to self development and never get into relationships before you attain financial self reliance. Never.

There may be millions of stars in the sky but you must not forget to light yours. There may be many people in the world but still there's something in you that the world needs. If you don't light your shine the world will suffer for the lack of it. How to turn on your shine? Like they always do with the bulbs, plug to the source and flip the switch. Connect with your commissioner and flip your position. Stop subordinating yourself to people's control and instead submit to your mission. Only after you're done will they say 'There never was someone else like that.' The world will acknowledge your uniqueness in retrospect. You're the one who must acknowledge it in advance so that you can unleash it.

Stop repeating what you don't want just because parts of it feel good. If something leaves you feeling down and deflated it doesn't matter the momentary thrill it gives you. Be honest to yourself and acknowledge that it draws you back and stop giving it your energy. There are a lot of people waiting for someone or something out there to pull them out of things they know they should have gotten out of. Yet the climb will be personal and the initiative must be internal. Only you who knows how it makes you feel down and it's only you who can stop flirting with it.

Sometimes it's not the breakup that hurts most but the sense of emptiness that follows right after it. It's waking up to check the message that isn't there anymore. It's lifting your phone to call when you have good news and realising you can no longer call them. It's coming to the end of the day with a lot to share but having no one to share it with. It's having to answer the same question 'how is so and so?' over and over to people who knew both of you. Your only consolation is that it's only a passage, a phase. If you trudge on and you don't turn back it passes soon enough as you meet new people and your life will pick momentum again.

A man's money only impresses cheap women. When a woman makes her own money or when she's confident that with time she'll make her own, she no longer sees a monied man as an upgrade or a ladder to the good life. Of course it doesn't mean she will disregard the man's financial mindset and discipline. She wants a big thinker like herself of course. But a man's money now becomes only a bonus, not the main thing. Any man who thinks he can win a good woman with money only is deluded and he will end up with the worst kind of money-minded women prowling the dating market. If you want a solid woman, you must impress her with a solid character as well. Do not front your assets, but rather seek a genuine connection with her, using your substance only to add to the flavour.

Husband or wife material doesn't repeatedly leave you feeling confused, insecure, alone and unloved. You don't need to be an expert of relationships to know that whoever is destroying your soul cannot be your soulmate. People that are meant for you care about how they make you feel and when you're hurting it hurts them too. If they appear unconcerned and uncaring when you express your hurt, you're misplaced.

If it doesn't affect your pay, don't let it affect your day. Stop allowing people and things that contribute so little to you take so much space in your mind. In life you need clarity the same way you need clean air. And you shall resist polluted energy the same way you resist polluted air. Failures in life cannot distinguish important things from distractions, but achievers have their eyes trained on their goals and they boldly say no to being sidetracked. The ability to ask 'why' and to say 'no' is the magic perimeter wall that keeps your emotional compound quiet and conducive for work. Clarity comes from decluttering your life and refusing other people's clutter. Whether that's emotional or financial, you must put the same restrictions on others as you have put on yourself. If you don't, you'll be saving but you don't grow because people keep borrowing from your savings. You'll be hard working but you never advance because people keep hiring you to assist on their projects.

One way narcissists manipulate you is by rushing you into making decisions before you have had the time to think them through. In their mind you're their object and how dare you make them wait as you think about what they have already decided they want? It may be a decision about your own resources or one that can potentially harm you but they accuse you of not trusting them or hesitating at 'moving things forward.' Picture it this way: they become aware that you have some savings you're trying to invest in an asset but suddenly they decide that you should give them the money to revive their dying business instead, and that 'you will benefit together' after all. Before you even have time to wrap your head around their outrageous suggestion they start pressuring for the money and they shout you down until you literally have a panic attack! So to ease the tension you cave in and give them the money, or apply for the huge loan, or agree to move in with them, or agree to adopt their child whom they just recently revealed about, or resign from your job. In your mind you're naive in that you're trying to make peace with a deranged animal. You probably have never heard of the term narcissist and you can't imagine that they can do all that to hurt you, when in fact they don't care whether you live or die. It's all about what they want. Even if you've never taught yourself about personality disorders, you shouldn't tolerate someone who is impatient and unreasonable. What kind of life can you possibly build with a person? Day by day the narcissist sinks you so far deep into loans and setbacks and scars you so badly that your chances of recovery depend on how quickly you escape their grip. If you're the kind of person who swears by marriage and avoiding breakups by all means rather than by your wellbeing, they will kill you. They will chew you and squeeze the life out of you. After them you may never know peace, if at all they leave you breathing. In short, always put your happiness and peace above any silly status that society worships. The moment you see the viper's true colors as they scold you and pressure you to make decisions in their favor before you have come around to it, run. And never let anyone take you back there. Don't even bother waiting until you gather evidence of screenshots or voice recordings to show people. You may have been too damaged by then. Trust your own judgment and save your life. (©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

Most people tend to be aware of their standards in relationships but only until they meet someone they really like. And then all hell breaks loose. Their convictions soften and they stoop down to make it work with the person even while blatantly crossing lines they had vowed never to cross. And then what happens next? The same person loses interest and leaves. So you're doubly crushed because 'I did all that for them and bent backwards to just accommodate them only for them to slap me in the face?' In truth this is what happened: the person was attracted to you because of your high standards to begin with. But because they didn't put it in plain words like that you didn't think about it that way. They knew around you they would be forced to up their game and be their best. This is something very rare and many people are secretly looking for it. But then your feelings got the better of you. You lost your cool and started acting out of character. You allowed everything and soon the charm disappeared. You're as common as all other people, after all. Solution? Watch your feelings when you like someone very much. They can make you get ahead of yourself and destroy something that had great potential. (©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

You need to shut out people who tear you down, who criticise and hurt you, who magnify your faults and treat you badly. Whoever they are you must expel them from your inner circle without any exemptions whether they're your parents or a parent to your children. Slam the door and bolt it behind them. You deserve peace and nobody on earth should have so much power to inject chaos into your system. Then move towards those people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. Energies have weight and power to either raise you up or weigh you down. You must consciously stay with the people whose energy lifts you up.

The more I grow the more I'm attracted to simpler things of life like laughter. Someone who smiles often and sees things positively. I admire people who can push aside their pessimistic and cynical thoughts and push through every situation with a sense of humour. I love people who are always putting others at ease. I find it refreshing when someone tries to uplift others with good vibes even when they have reasons to feel down themselves. I used to think such people are usually happy because good things happen to them but I discovered that good things happen to them because they're happy. This is because when you bring light to others it shines on you as well.

'ow do I know whether a person is the right one for me? What do I look for?' If you're so blank about what you're searching for you're not prepared for dating and you'll make costly mistakes. You need to return home and go introspect. Don't go with the flow just because you've met a person you seem to connect with. That's how most complicated relationships start. Two questions you always ask yourself about everyone you evaluate. One, are they a good person? And two, are they a good fit for me? The first question is about their values and their character. It touches on honesty, generosity, consistency, spirituality, on and on. You need to have decided what character traits are mandatory for you. You cannot decide such issues when there's someone in view already. You'll get confused. The second question, whether they're a good fit for you, is about their lifestyle and how compatible it is with yours. Their goals and level of drive. Again, these matters are established in privacy prior to attempting to date. One day I stopped by a hardware to purchase and ship home some construction materials the contractor on site had asked for. But the seller recommended I add some roofing materials which, in his expert opinion, would go excellently with the walling materials I had acquired. But when the consignment arrived home the contractor said that the kind of roofing we were doing couldn't go with those materials and I had to dispose them at throw away prices. Such are the consequences for unplanned acquisitions: they might not fit your overall plan. Do not commit such unplanned acquisitions with your dating.

Whatever you don't manage, you lose. If you mismanage your body and your strength, you lose it. If you mismanage your time, you lose it. If you mismanage your seasons and your opportunities, you lose them. (Dr Myles Munroe) What about your relationships? Many people once they know that you love them and you'll be there for them, they never think about you again. They settle for an autopilot kind of relationship. They will only jolt back to action when they realize you got tired of being assumed and ignored. They mismanage the very relationship they sought after so earnestly. All crisis of relationships come from mismanagement. A lot of people who claim to be unlucky in relationships are merely just mismanagers of their relationships. They get comfortable and they get distracted. As for you, understand that finding the right person is just the beginning. Once you get the car of your dreams, what would be your next step? To learn how to manage and maintain it. And you must do the same with your relationships. Intentionally invest in learning how to manage it. Spend time with your partner and understand their thoughts. Find ways to do things together and remove all physical distance between you.

Remember to take care of what takes care of you. Feed those who feed you, stand with those who stand with you. Distribute your energy consciously to those who nourish you. Betraying those who care about you because of sensory temptations will cut off your feeders and eventually you will whither. Stop fanning infatuations to flame. Stop watering disloyalty. Stop having 'little secrets' behind the back of the very people sent to journey with you. Stop hiding your communications with the outside world and behaving suspicious with your gadgets. People are not fools and your partner knows you're not hiding for nothing. You may not be cheating but you're entertaining people and it's only a matter of time before what you're sowing matures. Not to lower your self esteem, but let me remind you that you're not that likeable to everyone. Many people admire you outwardly and you may be confusing that with the true love you have at home, but it's a mirage. Nobody else can handle the reality of taking care of you on a day to day basis. Nature never assigned us many people of that kind. If you found someone who loves you in earnest you must order your ways and be loyal to them. Any disloyalty will be a boomerang that will swing back and hit you badly in the end. Tame your wandering lust and go home to your twin flame.

If someone starts knowing you and suddenly they're pressuring to get to your body, it's because they don't see your real worth. You're more than your body but they're not interested in finding out that. If you entertain that energy you'll only realize later that you short-circuted yourself. Once you say that you're keeping yourself for marriage a person who wants you for marriage should get excited to find someone who was preserving themselves for them. But a thief will pressure and manipulate you for the sole purpose of quenching their thirst at your expense and to confuse you. Even if you do marry them later - in case they were sincere but impatient and disregarding of your principles- once inside marriage you'll learn painfully that premarital sex is lust-driven while marital one is love driven. The energy will shift and mistrust will linger because you both know you can compromise. You will have gotten into marriage but through the wrong path and the feeling will be different. You will think and wonder why you compromised and resentment may build in you as you wonder why someone who wanted you started by dragging you down instead of holding you up. Solution? Do not pay too high a price to keep people. Do not change from who you are to please someone, when they had fallen in love with your principled personality to begin with. They may not like you the same after you break your principles, and this is one reason they often leave afterwards. You're no longer the same uncompromising person. You've compromised with them and now they're not sure about you anymore, even if they caused you to do it. They didn't know these dynamics will come and you must know better yourself because you're the one standing on the higher ground. Lastly remember to only marry people who value purity and celibacy in their lives independently, not one who is 'willing to wait for you.' It should be their way of life even before you came into the picture, otherwise it's just a temporary act 'in honor of you.' What people pause they will soon pick up again.

One of the saddest experiences in life is meeting the right person at the wrong time. Especially when you know the wrong time was occasioned by your wasting time in other meaningless entanglements before. Here is a person who is ready to love you and spend their life with you, but you're still bleeding from the injuries of involving yourself with jackals. Destiny has brought the perfect person before you but you're unable to believe that you can be loved for who you are. You're fearful and avoidant. Mentally you know this is your opportunity but emotionally you're unable to rest in love. Once upon a time you decided to take your life into your own hands and get into a relationship with someone just because 'you were flowing.' And although it was clear you were not in the season for finding a lover but rather of founding a life, you justified it and stayed on. The ensuing friction and confinement over the years held you back from growing. That's how you're here at the right opportunity but inripe and dislocated yourself. And you know it. Your self esteem is low and the trauma of betrayal and mistrust is still so raw in you. You just can't function until after years of self work, which the other person cannot afford to wait. And so you just have to watch them go. They also struggle to accept it because they know you were meant to be together. So they keep looking back as they walk away, with tears in their eyes. Solution? Someone said that those whom the devil cannot disqualify he dislocates. The worst thing about the wrong relationship is that it keeps you from preparing for the right one. Even so, nature is full of second chances. Put in the work and the time to become the version of you that can perform in love and you will be ushered into another opportunity in due time.

If you're a giver find another giver to love. Your biggest problem is that you're more accustomed to giving than receiving, and as a result you may fail to notice when someone is not matching your degree of generosity. You don't see it a big deal because, after all, you're self reliant. And you're not used to receiving or even 'burdening people.' But while you have overlooked this quality in friendships and among your relatives, marriage is a different affor altogether. Marriage is for the long haul and what seems like a small weakness will wear you down over time. Much like a pebble in a shoe gradually becomes a sore. The problem with takers is that they deplete you slowly, like a slow puncture. It's not like a tire burst in a loud way. So you must detect the leak early on and stay away. After ten years of marriage, say, they'll have so worn you out that you can't stand it. But you saw the trait of entitlement and stinginess early on and you overlooked it thinking you could 'manage it' or even train them. Solution: Once you sense entitlement or lack of gratitude, pass over that person without a second thought. It's not enough to be liberal and generous if you don't develop a sharp antenna to make sure you only team up with one like yourself.