Dires

Couple Deal With Cracks in Their Relationship DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. We don't live together but we see each other every other day. Recently we had an argument about him following girls who show their butts on Instagram. This is not the first time I have asked him to delete the pictures; it's the third, actually. Every time I call him on it, he claims he just scrolls through them, but he gets mad at the same time or insists he doesn't pay any attention to them. He promises to unfollow them but never does. I also feel really insecure because when we first started seeing each other, he made a comment about wanting to pay to get my butt enhanced. What should I do? -- BOTHERED BY BUTTS DEAR BOTHERED: Perhaps you should spend less time looking at his cellphone. If your boyfriend is caring, faithful and treats you well, you may have to learn to deal with your insecurity. Many men look at pictures on the internet and it's not a threat to their relationships. That said, however, if your boyfriend's ideal woman is one with a prominent posterior, you may not be The One for him. And regarding his comment about having yours enlarged -- of course, that would be your choice, not his, so don't be coerced. And, please, be aware that unless cosmetic surgery is done by a board-certified physician, the results can be unfortunate. It's also very expensive and the procedure is not "minor" surgery -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Wife's Outdoor Activities Exclude Disabled Husband- December 14, 2021 - DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his 40s and permanently disabled from injuries received in a recent automobile accident. He is in pain, on pain medicine 24 hours a day and basically sleeps his days away. His pain and immobility make intimacy impossible. He doesn't object when I go out with friends or participate in activities he is unable to do, like hiking, biking or kayaking, yet I feel guilty for leaving him home alone five days a week, and sometimes the entire weekend. His mother thinks I'm a terrible person for doing this, but I can't just sit home with him after I get home from work because he falls asleep watching TV. We both know this will be the situation for the rest of our lives. This self-care is very important to my physical and mental well-being, as the financial stress is also overwhelming. How do I continue to live an active life and still be the wife he needs? -- SAD FATE IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR SAD FATE: If the situation were reversed, is this the way you would like your husband to treat you? This is an honest discussion you should be having with him. I will be frank. Leaving a disabled spouse five days (nights?) a week or for an entire weekend on a regular basis seems excessive. You promised to love, honor and cherish this man in sickness and in health. Would it be possible to include him on an occasional outing -- if he can handle it -- so he can have some fresh air and a change of scenery? If you must go out to preserve your sanity, it would be compassionate to arrange for someone to stay with him so he's not alone in case there is some kind of emergency. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Couple Embrace Age Gap With Practical Approach DEAR : I've read many letters over the years about relationships in which there is a significant age gap, and thought I would like to share a success story. My boyfriend and I have a 22-year age difference, and we couldn't be happier. We are both divorced with children (his is grown and lives independently; mine are 14 and 11). We found each other about a year before the pandemic. He was above the age range I'd specified on online dating apps, but we met at a mutual friend's art opening. There were immediate sparks, and we didn't realize our age difference until about a week later. By then the seeds of a mature, non-codependent relationship were sprouting. He's 60 now, and I am 38. We live separately, but go back and forth between the houses most nights. He's actively engaged in my kids' lives, and we're talking about marriage. Because of our age difference, this includes discussing wills, estate planning and the hurdles that come with retirement and raising high schoolers, but we do it with great respect for where the other is in their own journey. This is the best relationship either of us has ever been in. I'm so glad we didn't let our age difference prevent us from enjoying this life together. — LUCKIEST GIRL IN TEXAS DEAR LUCKIEST GIRL: When both parties are adults with experience in the world, age is only a number. While there can be challenges in May-December unions, you and your boyfriend appear to be looking at the future with eyes wide open. Thank you for your upper of a letter. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Romance With Prison Inmate Evolves Into Love Triangle DEAR : I am a 42-year-old mother of three who has been in a relationship with a man for almost six years. He is incarcerated. We started out as friends. Things were great until this year, when he reconnected with an old girlfriend. I had a conversation with her over Facebook, and she wanted to invite me out for coffee one day. I ended up messaging her later on that night, and she told my boyfriend I had "made her uncomfortable." She ended up blocking me on Facebook. Abby, he's now saying he's in love with both of us! I'm not allowed to talk about her, and anything they talk about is "none of my business." I do not get as many phone calls from him as I used to, and I think it's because of her. I'm not sure what her plans are, but I get the feeling she's trying to get me out of the picture. Please tell me what to do. — CROWDED IN ALASKA DEAR CROWDED: Forgive me for seeming negative, but from what you have written, I don't think this man is in love with either one of you. What you should "do" is reassess your relationship with this two-timing felon. His ex-girlfriend may indeed be maneuvering to get you out of the picture, and my advice to you, which I sincerely hope you will follow, is to let her do it. You may have started out as "friends" with this man, but friends do not treat friends the way he has been treating you. —---------— @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Widowed Spouses Find Comfort and Potential in Each Other DEAR ABBY: A lady friend of mine I've known for more than 20 years and I recently lost our spouses to COVID in the same hospital, four rooms apart from each other. During the 2 1/2 weeks that our spouses were in the hospital, we visited, prayed for and offered comfort to each other, as well as after their passing. Throughout the years, we had always had a slight attraction to each other, and we realize that it's still there. We know each other's flaws as well as good points. Keep in mind we were very much in love with our spouses, and we're able to openly talk about them as well as grieve for them. We also find a great sense of comfort in each other's company but, over time, our physical attraction has grown. I'm 64 and she's 57, and we're both experienced in the game of life. My question is, it's been only two months since our spouses died, so would it be wrong for us to start seeing each other on a romantic basis or is this too soon? Also, there's the question of being judged by others. -- NEW WIDOWER IN FLORIDA DEAR NEW WIDOWER: Please allow me to offer my sympathy for your loss. You and this lady are not strangers. You are adults who have known each other for a long time. If the two of you have feelings for each other, there is nothing stopping you from exploring your relationship to see where it leads. Understand that this is a process that will take more time and should not be rushed. Please don't allow your lives or your decisions to be ruled by what "others" might think. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Accumulated Books Need a New Home DEAR : My mother belongs to a book club and passes most of these hardback bestsellers on to me. Before the pandemic, I donated them to the library to be sold. However, since the pandemic, the library is no longer accepting donations, and the books are piling up. I'd like to see them go to people who are interested and will enjoy them. My dilemma is what to do now. Have you any suggestions for me on where to donate these books? — AVID READER IN TEXAS DEAR READER: Contact a charity thrift store and ask if they will accept the books. You could also post an ad on one of the neighborhood sites and offer them there. Also, check if your community has a "Little Free Library" — a small, locally run book exchange that pops up on sidewalks in some neighborhoods. Or hang onto them a while longer, keeping in mind the library may start accepting them again post-pandemic. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Hosts' Invitation Doesn't Include Dogs DEAR : Do you have any recommendations for how to deal with guests who show up with their pets? My husband's sister and her husband have two Belgian Malinois shepherd dogs. The last time we invited them to dinner six years ago (a two-hour drive), they brought along an aging greyhound "because he was an old dog." The dog stayed in their van (the weather was mild), and her husband took it for a walk a couple times. Our yard is not fenced, and I do not want dogs in my house. My sister-in-law, who is oblivious to other people's wishes, "wonders" why she hasn't been invited to visit again. We would invite them to dinner again, but I don't want to deal with the dogs. Advice? — DOGGED IN DELAWARE DEAR DOGGED: If she raises the subject, be honest with her. Tell her the invitation is open any time they wish, providing they leave their dogs at home. If she wants to know why, that's the time to explain that you do not want animals in your house, your yard isn't fenced and you think it is cruel to leave them sitting in a car for an extended period of time, which would make their visit less enjoyable for you. It's the truth. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Son Has Walked Away From Entire Family DEAR: Our son married a psychotherapist who is very controlling. From the beginning, she did not like me, which was obvious from her words and actions. She has convinced our son that I was a bad mother, and he hasn't spoken to me in more than four years. He also shuns every other member of our family. We are heartbroken. We were a close family until she came into the picture, but my son allowed her to ruin it. I have tried to keep in touch with him, but he never replies. I have also talked to a therapist with no success. They and her family have blocked me from contacting them. I'm unable to accept this situation because my family and I love my son so much. Please help me. — DISTRAUGHT MOTHER IN WEST VIRGINIA DEAR MOTHER: I will try, but it won't be easy. I know you are heartbroken, but you are going to have to find a way to accept and grieve the loss of your son. This may take the help of another licensed psychotherapist or your spiritual counselor to help you come to terms with a painful situation that cannot be repaired. Please accept my sympathy for your loss. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Boyfriend's Friend May Be a Better Match DEAR : Two months ago, I started dating a man I'll call "Hugh" after a mutual friend of a friend introduced us. He is retired, and I still work. Hugh is very sociable and friendly, and drinks much more than I do. His friends are great. One particular single friend, "Terry," is my age, and we have similar interests. I haven't been intimate with Hugh because I'm not particularly attracted to him. I also don't think Hugh is all that interested because we don't get together too often, although he calls daily for a minute or two to check in. He wants a relationship, but I don't feel it. I'm starting to think Hugh is looking more for a friend with benefits. I would prefer to remain just friends. I also want to be able to further a relationship with Terry, who has a lot more in common with me. How do I do it tactfully? Hugh has been nice to me, but, like I said, I feel no romantic connection. I also don't want to string him along. — KEEPING OPTIONS OPEN DEAR KEEPING: Tell Hugh you like him and hope you will always be friends — but just friends. Let him know you see others and hope that he does, too. Throw a party and invite a group of friends, including Terry. If Terry shows any interest in you, respond accordingly. Then cross your fingers. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

-------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council