Dires

Son's Career in 'Family Business' Comes at a Cost DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have been divorced 24 years and, now that our children are grown, we have minimal contact. We see and speak to each other only when there's a wedding or a birthday party for our grandson. Three years ago, our 34-year-old son went to work for his father with the promise that "someday the business would be his." Our son left a well-paying job to work for his father, but from past experience I know my ex isn't trustworthy. He often lies to get what he wants, and his promises rarely come to fruition. Now I'm hearing from former in-laws I've remained close to, as well as our other children, that my ex does nothing but complain and belittle our son. He shares every mistake our son has made over the last three years and even personal information about our son's finances. Naturally, it upsets me to hear these things. What do I do? Should I tell my son what his father is saying about him? Do I confront my ex, even though I'm sure he will deny saying these things? Or should I just butt out, because, after all, my son is an adult? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE DEAR CAUGHT: Talk to your son. Tell him what these relatives are repeating to you. It's better than remaining silent and letting him stay in the dark. How he chooses to deal with his father after that is up to him -- including telling dear old Dad he needs something in writing to guarantee he gets the business in the event of Dad's demise. (No one lives forever, as the saying goes.) If Dad refuses, your son will be better off looking for another job rather than waste any more of his time. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Grandson Plays for a Losing Team DEAR : My teenage grandson plays on his middle school's football team. He is a great player, but the team never wins. It's hard to watch him play his heart out when the team loses in the 38-0 range. I'm proud of his efforts, and I want to encourage him to continue to do his best no matter what the final score is. Do you have any suggestions on the healthiest way to sympathize with him about the loss without discouraging him? — PROUD OF HIM IN THE WEST DEAR PROUD OF HIM: I think what you are already doing is the right approach. By attending these events, you are telling your grandson how proud you are of the fact that he gives his all when he competes and that you respect him for it. Then take him out for a postgame dinner and a treat. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Grandson Plays for a Losing Team DEAR : My teenage grandson plays on his middle school's football team. He is a great player, but the team never wins. It's hard to watch him play his heart out when the team loses in the 38-0 range. I'm proud of his efforts, and I want to encourage him to continue to do his best no matter what the final score is. Do you have any suggestions on the healthiest way to sympathize with him about the loss without discouraging him? — PROUD OF HIM IN THE WEST DEAR PROUD OF HIM: I think what you are already doing is the right approach. By attending these events, you are telling your grandson how proud you are of the fact that he gives his all when he competes and that you respect him for it. Then take him out for a postgame dinner and a treat. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Future Uncertain for Soon-To-Be Senior DEAR : I am medically healthy and in my mid-60s. I have two adult children, and my grandchildren range in age from 14 to 20. I have a loving relationship with everyone. However, my family members are self-involved and have indirectly expressed that they do not want me to live with them when I am no longer able to live by myself. I have raised the subject and seen eyerolls and facial gestures between them. My daughter lives several states away and has said I'm welcome in her home — but as a "snowbird" only. Abby, I don't want to be placed in a nursing home, only to be abandoned and alone. What do you advise? — UNWANTED IN NEW JERSEY DEAR UNWANTED: Because your children are averse to you eventually living permanently with them, start now to prepare for the time when you may no longer be able to live by yourself. Begin by talking to friends — of both genders — and find out if they may have a similar problem. If they do, consider banding together and buying a house or a condo together so you can help each other. This has worked for other seniors and it may be the solution to your problem. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Cheating Husband Obsesses Over Cheating Wife's Lover DEAR: My wife and I have been married for 21 (mostly) happy years. However, last year I had an affair that lasted for several months. I confessed to my wife, and we separated for about a month while I tried to evaluate what I should do. In the end, I returned home and asked for forgiveness and reconciliation. Obviously, my wife has struggled with my infidelity, but, to her credit, she's trying hard to make things work. During our separation, we had little contact, and she told me that for revenge she had slept with someone else. I know that what's good for the goose is good for the gander, but the guy is less than half our age, and I'm struggling with the mental image and thoughts of trying to match his level of stamina and energy (if you know what I mean). I know I messed up, but I love my wife with my whole heart and I'm working hard to demonstrate it. How do I purge my thoughts of the image of my wife with another man? — REMORSEFUL IN CALIFORNIA DEAR REMORSEFUL: It may not be easy. (Don't you think your wife has had similar mental images of you and the woman you cheated with?) Infidelity hurts everyone involved. You and your wife are working to remain reunited. Concentrate on that rather than preoccupy yourself with your insecurities, and you'll both be better off. —------------ @Dires @Dires @Dires —--------------------------------- ⭕️⭕️ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Good Deed Turns Into a Costly Routine DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, I noticed a lady walking down the street. She was older, and I could tell by her posture she was struggling. I offered to drive her so she didn't have to walk. It turned out she was walking from a bus stop to a transit bus to catch it for work. She works in a different county than she lives in, so the first bus doesn't take her all the way. Long story short, I have been driving this lady to work from the bus stop every morning, picking her up from work and taking her home, picking her up on the weekend days she works, and then transporting her to and from work. (I don't work on the weekends.) She lives about 10 miles from me. She has not once offered to pay for gas, which doesn't bother me, but she has recently started asking me for money. I've purchased coffees for her on several occasions and driven her to stores only to find out I'm paying for the purchases. I have picked her up, and without any warning she says she needs to go to other places, too. She doesn't have a car, doesn't earn a lot of money, etc. I think I need to stop driving her, but I know I'll feel guilty because she has no one to help her. How do I end this one-sided relationship? -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN DEAR MIFFED: The woman you have so generously befriended appears to be a bottomless pit. You were kind to her, and she is taking advantage of your generosity. It appears you have work to do on creating boundaries. Tell her you will no longer be driving her and be clear about the reasons. If you don't, there is no end to what she will ask you for. Trust me, once you draw the line, this woman will manage just as she managed before. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Family Meals Repeatedly Cause Digestion Issues- October 05, 2021 - DEAR ABBY: My husband was instructed by his doctor to avoid dairy due to a chronic condition that negatively impacts his daily life. Around the same time, his father and his girlfriend began implementing the keto diet into their lifestyle. We are often invited to their home for game night. She takes pride in preparing a home-cooked meal for everyone. We've been open about my husband's dietary restrictions, but dairy remains a heavily used ingredient in these dishes, and it is often hidden or disguised by a different name depending on its preparation. She seems to think that because my husband isn't "allergic" to dairy, it's OK for him to consume it. However, because we've both changed our diets to exclude dairy, these visits often end in stomach pains and, for him, other discomforts that may last for days. We enjoy the game nights, but fear a more direct approach will hurt our newfound relationship with his father's soon-to-be bride. What would you suggest? -- RESTRICTED IN ARIZONA DEAR RESTRICTED: I suggest you be VERY direct (and descriptive) with your father-in-law and his soon-to-be fiancee about the effect that dairy products have on your husband! Pain for days? That's terrible. And if your husband's dietary restrictions can't be accommodated, either eat beforehand or bring your own food to the gathering. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Middle-Age Romance Loses Its Luster DEAR ABBY: I am 55 and have waited for the right man. The only regret I have is that I didn't find him earlier because I went into early menopause at 33. I wish my values weren't so strict, but I have met someone who seems to respect my desire to wait until marriage. The problem is our relationship has many negatives. We live two hours apart. He loves to gamble. I am educated, and he has a learning disability. Most of the time, I feel like I am in fourth place in his life behind his family, his friends and his gambling. I don't feel he really wants to be with me. I sometimes wonder if it's because of the s.e.x thing. However, I don't want a relationship based on s.e.x. I want him to want to spend his time with me, and I want us to become one and I don't see it happening. I also don't believe he can budget for anything more than paying his bills and gambling the rest of his money. It doesn't seem like he would choose to be with me rather than with his friends and family. Am I wanting too much? I'm afraid what he is after is security, not a loving relationship where you become one in life. -- WAITING FOR MR. RIGHT DEAR WAITING: I don't think you want too much. What you are searching for is what most people want -- a life partner who is considerate, loving and whose values are close to their own. Because you suspect this person is after financial security, please listen to your gut. If you really believe you are four notches down on his list of priorities, do not settle. End this "romance" now. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

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