Dires

Woman Refuses To Embrace Ex-Husband's Reappearance- February 23, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I was married for 10 years before I found out my ex was living a double life -- other women, children, etc. We divorced, and afterward, I provided the best possible life for our three children. My ex was the typical deadbeat dad -- never there for his children. Twelve years later, my children are adults, and he has decided to show up and start a relationship with them. Anytime they have milestones with church, college, jobs, weddings, etc., he is there. I have stepped back and let them decide what kind of relationship they want with him. Even worse, my ex has also rekindled his relationship with my parents and siblings. He's turning my family against me, although we have both remarried. When I try to talk to them about it, they say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," "He's changed," "Why can't you forgive him?" Abby, my ex stole his business partner's money to live his double life. If he has "changed," why is he once again trying to turn my family against me? What do I do? Must I divorce myself from my parents and siblings? -- NEVER RID OF HIM DEAR NEVER RID: A man who lives a double life, neglects his responsibilities as a parent and steals from his business partner without trying to make amends to all of them doesn't appear to have "changed." Your children, parents and siblings have "chosen" to forgive and welcome him back into the fold regardless of how it affects you. (He must be one heck of a salesman.) It's time to look into your heart and decide how much of this togetherness (!) you can tolerate. Some discussions with a licensed mental health professional could be helpful in this regard. If, after that, you conclude that less contact with your parents and siblings under these circumstances would be healthier for you, then do what is best for yourself. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Remark at Restaurant Heard Loud and Clear- February 24, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a restaurant with a friend who is deaf. (I can hear.) We were using American Sign Language to communicate. A group walked past us, saw we were using sign language and assumed neither of us could hear. One of them told her friends we were deaf and dumb. When the server came to my table to take our order and they realized I could hear, they were visibly surprised. The speaker did not appear to be embarrassed by what she had said. The woman's back was turned to my friend, so my friend was unaware of it. (Thank heavens, because my friend can read lips.) I didn't say anything at the time and let it go. Should I have? I didn't because their table was near ours, and I was afraid the woman would have gotten ruder and made the whole dining experience bad. Should I have said something to the manager or server and sat at another table? If the manager had said something to her, I doubt she would have admitted what she said. -- NOT RIGHT IN OHIO DEAR NOT RIGHT: You were right not to challenge the woman who said that. If she wasn't embarrassed when it turned out you could hear clearly, little you could say would have shamed her. There was nothing the restaurant manager could do about this woman's breach of etiquette. You, however, could have asked to change your table if you were no longer comfortable seated next to that party -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Late Brother's Dying Wish Becomes One-Sided Effort- February 24, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I am one of six adult siblings. Our youngest brother, "Clark," died of cancer five years ago. He was my best friend. As kids, we did everything together, and we remained close as we got older. As he was dying, Clark asked me to keep his wife, "Liz," and his children in the family. I have tried my best. Every year, I have a large family Christmas party. Liz and her children attend and seem to have a good time. I call or text her monthly, but I rarely receive a reply. She did text me happy birthday. I was OK with this until I heard from my nephew (Clark's son) that there was a memorial service for him. When I asked him who was there, he said everybody. It really hurt because I wasn't informed, nor were any of my siblings. I want to respect Clark's wishes, but even before this, Liz didn't seem to respect my nuclear family. I don't know what to do going forward because I have such sad and angry feelings over not being invited to his memorial. -- CONFLICTED SIS IN THE EAST DEAR SIS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your brother. What you should do is call your former sister-in-law and ask her why you and your siblings were excluded from the memorial, which is a shocking oversight. Then, if her apology is not satisfactory, consider yourself relieved of that deathbed promise, which clearly hasn't been appreciated -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Mother, Daughter Spar Amid Loss of Loved Ones- February 26, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have never had the best relationship. It has only gotten worse since my dad passed in 2020, followed by my brother, who passed in 2021. My uncle, Mom's younger brother, also passed in 2021. My problem is that Mom acts like I have no right to grieve. This is all HER grief and HER pain -- she has actually told me as much. She has said, more than once, that she doesn't know why I bother to get so upset. I'm seeing a counselor, but I'm having a hard time forgiving her behavior. I lost my father and my brother! Worse, she tells her friends I don't care about these losses. Please advise. -- GRIEVING AND HEARTBROKEN DEAR GRIEVING: Continue talking with your counselor not only about your deep sense of grief over the loss of your dad and your brother, but also about your relationship with your mother. Not knowing her, I cannot decide whether she is deep into her own grief or simply so deep into herself that she can't relate to you. I am sorry you didn't mention your age or whether you live with her, but it's important that you work on becoming, at the very least, emotionally independent from her -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Mom-Friends Take Different Paths in Providing for Kids- February 26, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I met my friend "Ashley" and her daughter three years ago. Our daughters are 9 years old. Ashley makes good money and is married. I'm a single mom. I do well as a registered nurse, but I'm not on her level when it comes to money. We all get along great and have a lot in common. However, Ashley buys her daughter, "Mimi," a lot. Every time we go out, she buys Mimi something. If I buy a gift for my daughter for her birthday, Christmas, etc., Ashley buys the same thing for Mimi. I got my daughter into ice skating three years ago. Ashley then proceeded to buy her daughter professional ice skates, accessories, skating costumes, private lessons and entered her in skate club, shows and competitions. Needless to say, my daughter is sometimes jealous of all the things Mimi gets. For me, it's not about the money. It's the principle that I'm not going to spoil my daughter like that. I remind my daughter she's still more fortunate than a lot of other children and she should appreciate what she has. Should I cut ties with Ashley? Should I mention my concerns to her? Or are my daughter and I overreacting? -- DOING WELL ENOUGH DEAR DOING WELL: I don't think you or your daughter are overreacting. In life, you -- and she -- will always encounter people who have more material things than you. (The reverse may also be true.) Because this is happening regularly, I can see why your daughter feels as she does. If it happened occasionally, I might respond differently, but you wrote that this is a frequent occurrence. A conversation with Ashley is in order. If your relationship survives the conversation, consider socializing with her but doing your gift-buying privately. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Neighbor Tired of Being a No-Charge Superstore- February 27, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: What do you do to stop a neighbor from borrowing tools, cooking ingredients, sewing needles and thread, eggs, etc., but never replaces them? I feel it is time to say, "No, I don't have the item you are asking for." -- FED UP IN THE SOUTH DEAR FED UP: I agree with you that it is time to say something. But when you give this neighbor your refusal, be honest and tell the person exactly why. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Divorced Man Left Out of Friends' Plans- February 27, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old male who is educated, successful, healthy and in good physical condition. I have been divorced a long time, and although I have a normal dating life, I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years. I have been blessed with wonderful friends. The issue is, they are all married, and I find I am no longer invited to events, outings and get-togethers like I was when I had a partner. I know my friends enjoy my company, but when they make plans, they think only about inviting other couples. It hurts when I hear my friend say he and his wife went to the ballgame with So-and-So and his wife, to a flea market -- or anywhere. It's making my life lonely. I have dropped hints, to no avail. Do I need to find another partner to be invited out with my friends? -- EXCLUDED IN CALIFORNIA DEAR EXCLUDED: Do not sit around silently nursing hurt feelings. Ask your friends' wives, because wives are most often the ones who plan the social calendar. Unattached males are usually welcome because they're a hot commodity who can be fixed up with unattached women for an outing in the hope they will "couple up." Consider inviting these couples to an activity instead of waiting to be invited, and your luck may change -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

MIL's Demands for Secrecy Upset Other Family Members- February 27, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years and have two children. Is it OK for my mother-in-law to tell my husband something and demand that he not tell me? The "secret" is: His sister, who has two children, is getting divorced. We don't see either of them often, and there has never been a time when we were on bad terms or gossiped about his family. His mom is just very secretive. I have nobody to share that news with and, honestly, I don't judge the situation. My husband told me the news immediately, and was upset his mom asked him not to tell me. We don't think it was right. We are a team. Do you agree? -- HATES SECRETS DEAR HATES SECRETS: Do not blame your "secretive" mother-in-law for this. The minute she said to your "teammate" that she had something to tell him but he shouldn't share it with you, his response should have been, "Then keep it to yourself, Mom, because my wife and I don't keep secrets from each other; we're a team." Please share this with your husband so he can keep it in his repertoire for the next time it happens, because I'm positive there will be a next time. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Man Wears Same Dirty Hat To Hide Bald Spot- March 01, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is in his 60s, wears a baseball cap all day, every day, to hide a bald spot on the back of his head. He has worn that same dirty cap for two years and even wears it to work. He wears it in the house and only removes it when he is sleeping. I have suggested he wash it or replace it, but he refuses and he makes a tsk-tsk noise when I tell him I don't think it's healthy to wear something filthy on your head for two years. -- DISGUSTED IN FLORIDA DEAR DISGUSTED: You are correct; it isn't healthy. According to the Cleveland Clinic, moderate exposure to sunlight increases vitamin D levels in the body, which is not only beneficial to good health, but it also encourages hair growth. Your husband is doing himself no favors by constantlyI wearing that (dirty) baseball cap, especially indoors. If he does it because he's self-conscious about his bald spot, there are products that can minimize it, and effective surgical options if he would be willing to spend the money. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Costs Quickly Adding Up for Wedding Participant- March 01, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I couldn't be happier for my friends who are embarking on the next chapter of their lives with their partners, but I'm becoming increasingly anxious about their bachelorette parties. When did the bachelorette party become such a big production? While I have attended my fair share, I think they are getting increasingly extravagant and pricey. I'm trying to prioritize my own next step in life, which is buying a home, and it feels like I'm being "invited" to spend a significant chunk of my savings over the course of a few months. (The weddings themselves will require significant travel.) The bachelorette party I'm most concerned about is for a wedding in which I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. For this reason, I feel obligated to attend. The cost associated with the weekend is $2,500 per person and will total $20,000 for three days. This equals three months of rent for me, and I'm finding it hard to justify this kind of expense. I get anxious thinking about the other expenses -- flights, accommodations, gifts -- and time-off requests from work. My first instinct is to say "No," but it's hard to refuse a bride who is so important to me. I want to be supportive and involved during this exciting time for her. How much is too much? What is the proper etiquette for being in the wedding party and attending the bachelorette party? Should I have asked about this before accepting to be in the bridal party? -- ANXIOUS ATTENDANT DEAR ANXIOUS ATTENDANT: Yes, you should have asked the bride before accepting her invitation to join the wedding party. And it is not too late to speak up. Contrary to popular belief, bachelorette parties and weddings do NOT "go together like a horse and carriage." Talk with your friend. Explain that all of the costs (travel, outfit and wedding gift) are more than you can afford. If you do, she may tell you it's enough that you travel to and participate in the wedding. However, if she doesn't, back out so she can replace you. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Co-Workers Pool Money After Peer's Mom Passes - February 25, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: Please clear this up for me. My mother recently passed away. My family and I miss her every day. Her funeral was prepaid, so there were no additional expenses for my family. In the funeral notice, we asked that people give memorials of money to the charity listed, or a charity of the donor's choice. My co-workers collected money and gave it to me. Was the money intended to be a charitable donation from them in my mother's honor, or was it meant for me personally? I'm confused. -- CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA DEAR CONFUSED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Because your co-workers didn't specify otherwise, assume they followed the guidelines in the obituary and the money is for charity. Thank them for their generosity and leave it at that. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Woman Still Haunted by Long-Held, Secret Guilt - February 25, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I committed a sin with my husband's brother many years ago that I have regretted ever since. I have confessed to God, but I need to tell someone. (I know you cannot absolve my mistake.) My husband was not very affectionate, but we went on to have a family and many good years together. I guess I don't feel I deserved all those blessings. How can I get rid of this feeling of guilt for what I did? -- EVIL LADY IN THE SOUTH DEAR LADY: Because you won't allow me to absolve you from the "one sin you committed many years ago," please discuss it with a religious adviser. If you are afraid to do that with your own priest, pastor, rabbi, etc., make an appointment to talk with one in a different community. While you may be racked with guilt, believe me, nothing you confess is something they haven't heard before. I hope it helps you to stop flogging yourself. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

Teen Feels Overwhelmed as Challenges Pile Up- February 25, 2022 - DEAR ABBY: I'm a teen girl having some trouble right now. I was in an abusive family. Most of my life, I was bullied because I separated from them because they were doing drugs. I have serious depression, and my foster family hasn't noticed. I have given them plenty of signs (I have trouble talking about my feelings), but they ignore them. I had a best friend who helped me through the pain, but she started showing her true colors and turned out to be a jerk. I am also having trouble finding someone who will love me, because I want to be in love. Everyone treats me like a little kid, even though I'm the oldest. Sorry for dumping all my problems on you, but I really need help. It's not fun crying myself to sleep every night. -- DEPRESSED GIRL IN IOWA DEAR DEPRESSED GIRL: I am sure it's not fun. You have had some hurdles to climb, but you are in your teens and not a "little kid." You should not be keeping your sadness bottled up inside. That's why it's important you find a trusted adult you can talk with about your feelings. If you are in school, a counselor or teacher you trust may be able to provide the support and understanding you are looking for. While most people want to find someone to love who will love them back, I think you would be wise to put that on the back burner until you are stronger emotionally. If you can do that, you will make better choices in the future. -------------- @Dires @Dires @Dires ----------------------------------- ⭕⭕ ⭕️⭕️ @IELTS_Council

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