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I Momma, I brought an exorcist home. I spent a day in my living room, concluded the devil has to be involved. Momma, my exorcist, they say he’s really good. They say he has tips and tricks, he rains fire with wrath and roar, carries a cross, a sword. Momma, the devil don’t stand a chance, he won’t win against the Lord. Momma, I brought an exorcist home. His holy water flowed from a hose. He spoke his chants, he sang his hymns and songs. He prayed a little, then prayed some more, Memories danced across the floor. Holy fire rained in, I saw visions play, I saw you in the room we played in. For a second, the house felt whole, a warmth returned, a touch of soul. But when he cast the devil out, and broke the curses wall to wall, something else began to fall. Momma, as the room began to heal, I saw myself walk out the door. II Maybe I’ll run into you at a bus station someday. Perhaps we will get off at the same stop and walk for a while, Hoping that one of us finally finds a turn and says goodbye. Maybe I’ll say goodbye a little early and find out we were going in the same direction. Maybe we will share that awkward moment, I know I’d give an arm to be awkward with you. Maybe I’ll find you in a supermarket, Out of cash for your groceries, and I offer to pay the difference. Will that make a difference? Would that strike a conversation? Would you take my presence as a present? Did you forget my story on a shelf somewhere? Did you get busy focusing on your career? Am I the poems I forgot to finish? The storylines I scrapped? Your silence Enhances life, In all the worst ways. Your silence Is a traffic jam, Where I study the car interior, discovering new corners and the crux of all the dirt that’s gotten out of hand. It’s the loading screen that makes me look at my own reflection. It’s progress, When I so desperately long for a conclusion. Maybe one day, At the register or a bus station, I’ll see you again. Until then, My violence will remain trapped in vacant verve and volition. My scream strives for a soft speech. My poetry palpates pain that perseveres. And perhaps your presence won’t push for pleasure, But my self-love stems from self-sacrifice. So I’ll wander, in woe or worry, and wait for wilt to come, At a bus station, Or at the grocery store. Somewhere certain where I can feel it. For life drags on for decades, Death needs but a minute. -Momma, I brought an exorcist home. // Death needs but a minute. @MenAce7

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"ወዶ የገባ ሰው ፣ ከባህር ከውሃው ዋኝቶ ይውጣው እንጂ ሌላ ማን ሊረዳው?" I hope the bystanders are better than this. Even if they witness my act of willingness and my participation in all of these, I hope my lack of knowledge factors. I hope they know I didn't know. For if I did, I wouldn't have followed. Return your smile that would lead me to my doom, reply to a conversation with a conversation a hand with a hand, I wouldn't have. Would I? If I had known I would have spent days with a heavy heart, and nights in agony I wouldn't have fallen. And I hope the bystanders are better than the cruelty of not lending me a hand. I hope someone has seen despite my skipping legs and my jumping heart I didn't know anything else. I didn't know not to love you. My ears weren't trained enough to pick a lie from your two truths, to rethink maybe you didn't mean it. If I had known the stomach that had felt butterflies would be the first victim, and I would feel you not loving me deep in my gut, perhaps I wouldn't have followed. Deep in the sea, in this love of yours had I known, I wouldn't have dipped in. If I had known, ultimately I would have to rely on the act of kindness of a bystander perhaps I wouldn't have loved you. I hope someone realizes the only thing I did to be in this predicament was trusting you. "እሷን እሷን ሁለት እጇን ይዛችሁ ጠይቋት፣ ዋናተኛ ጠላቂ ሰው ከሆንሽ አውጪው በሏት..." But I have a feeling the universe played a sick joke on me, and you will not save me, even if you know how to swim. I hear your voice, shocked and amused, voicing aloud why on earth I had thought you loved me. You don't let anyone know it's because you told me. And I have a lung full of water to say my truth. Why didn't you love me? Why have I gotten punished for loving you with my full heart, returning the kindness I thought you had given me? Why did I get punished for my naivety? I hope someone has seen. Though I followed you willingly, I hope strangers are better than they seem. I hope their hands catch me. And I hope - I hope I make it. #RANDOM_THOUGHTS
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-BarbedWireAtTheGates.xlsx @MenAce7
-BarbedWireAtTheGates.xlsx @MenAce7
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A dream: You have burning eyes that tears can’t extinguish. I yell at my sister for taking too long with her baths. Water is seldom, fire is forever. Forever lasts forever, and forever has your eyes dazed. Then you look at me. You smile. They take you away. You smile. You say it’ll be okay. You smile. I bleed out in the living room we used to play in. A dream: In the living room we used to play in grows a small flower. I teach her cuss words when her mother isn’t looking, hoping one day she yells it out when things get rough at school. My broken bones teach her dance moves, Folk songs blare from the TV, deafening, but she features with a giggle, and I seem to find heaven’s notes. It all leads to the living room, to the couches we used to jump on. Then she looks at me, a single tear on her left eye, dazed as yours looked, contemplating forever, and forever lasts forever. She pleads. They take her away. She kicks and screams. They take her away. I stand frozen, watching the songs loop. Then I fall, hoping my blood makes its way through the carpets this time, to water little flower. A dream: The earth splits in two. Furniture sinks to the core, utensils burn to liquid. The ceiling cracks; pipes explode in the corner. electric in the air, as wires duel like cobras in the desert. The TV explodes. Pictures on the wall fall slow. Time moves slowly through photographs: hairstyles, missing teeth, pimples, “I’m too cool for a family picture” pictures. The chandelier finally falls on the dinner table. Wasps fly out of the bulb. Thunder clears its throat in the distance. The house falls apart as I try to hold it all together. It all comes back to this, the living room we grew up in, descending to hell. And I sit, in the middle of it all, this time alive and well, waiting for forever. Forever takes forever. But I bide my time, comfortable on the couch, sipping on the devil’s wine. - The cousin of death.
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You smile - a smile I have convinced myself - is magic you laugh - an obnoxious laugh - I have often counted and I grinned proudly on the rare times you laughed your heart out with tears in your eyes and I'm responsible for it. Perhaps I grew myself into your sense of humor joked now and then - even when I didn't have a funny bone in me just to make you laugh. I am not a funny human but a quick student and your laughter? I thought the world of it. Or perhaps you took pity on me, watched as I tried and you graciously offered it. Your laughter. I wonder, all the things you have let me be even when I didn't have a knack for it. Did you perhaps think a fireman would make a perfect fit? Did you know I'd run back to a burning house to save the things I have loved? That I did. Is that why you started it? Or did you think it would put itself out and I wouldn't notice? Were you in the house I ran towards or were you wise enough leave first? Did you watch? Did you watch as the smoke took me? My eyes. My breath. As I ran room to room frantically to salvage what is left of it did you simply watch? Did you have water to spare my way you chose to drink? (Maybe you needed it.) Did you see me? Did you see the flames cook my flesh? Could you tell my bones were starting to be visible? Did you see the smoke fill my lungs? Did you know? Did you know I saw you ignite the matches? In that burning house, you were the only thing I wanted to find, did you know? Did you hear my coughs? My desperate calls? Did you believe me when I told you my scars run deep? Or does that not count cause vaseline did the trick and I healed? Did you laugh because I was funny? Did you stand and watch as the arson you started took the life out of me? Did you count it as my final act of love? That I decided to stay as the house collapsed? Did you take pity on me when I became a shell of who I once was? Or did you claim second hand smoke inhalers had it worse? That you had it worse. That you had suffered, just as much, if not more did you tell me? As I was pleading for you to please save me. Did you watch? As I learn to get back up. As I let it burn down to the ground, did you judge how my love couldn't withstand that? Did you? Watch me? As I realized loving a dishonorable man with honors, did no good for me.  【Love lost, I won. (0-2)】          #RANDOM_THOUGHTS
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