/r/Jokes
الذهاب إلى القناة على Telegram
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
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المشتركون
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| التاريخ | نمو المشتركين | الإشارات | القنوات | |
| 05 سبتمبر | 0 | |||
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| 03 سبتمبر | 0 | |||
| 02 سبتمبر | 0 | |||
| 01 سبتمبر | 0 |
منشورات القناة
Did you know that garbage men don’t get any formal training?
They just pick it up as they go along!
https://redd.it/1w8fi2h
@r_jokes
| 2 | A guy walks into a bar with a Doberman dressed in a suit and tie. The guy asks “Do you serve lawyers here (pointing to the dog)?
The bartender says Yes.
The guy says, “I’ll have a Guinness draft, and my doggy will have a lawyer”.
https://redd.it/1w8bwwh
@r_jokes | 21 |
| 3 | Claude has been out of work for a while. When he sees a job offering for a Lion Tamer saying "No Experience Required" he jumps at it.
He arrives at the small office and he quickly realizes he's the only applicant.
Claude questions, "How am I gonna be a lion tamer? I'm afraid of cats!"
The Ringmaster said, "Listen, it's mostly theater, you just have to learn the moves. In case anything happens you have the whip and the chair. If they start to get aggressive, you can use the whip and the chair to remind them who's boss."
"What if that doesn't work?"
The Ringmaster came back with, "In the rare event that happens, reach into your pants, pull out some of poop that's in there, and rub it in his eyes."
There was a long pause and as Claude asked, "How can you be sure it'll be in there?"
"Trust me, it'll be there"
https://redd.it/1w8blf2
@r_jokes | 25 |
| 4 | The director of a mental asylum is showing an inspector around. They come to a room with a single patient sitting on a bed and laughing.
"Why is he laughing?" asks the inspector.
"Oh, that's Carl," says the director. "He tells jokes to himself."
"Hmmm," says the inspector. "He just stopped laughing. Why is that?"
And the director says, "That's because he's already heard that one."
https://redd.it/1w86rbc
@r_jokes | 32 |
| 5 | Is it OK to have oral sex with a 95yr old woman?
I wasn't sure, and my friends said it was a bit of a grey area.
https://redd.it/1w83rzx
@r_jokes | 40 |
| 6 | One day, Peter the Pig found a piece of bacon on the ground and decided to taste it. He was shocked at how delicious it was and he began to actively seek out and eat bacon every chance he could.
Naturally, the other pigs found this deeply disturbing and they went to see Farmer Brown to talk about Peter's strange behavior. He told them, "Bring Peter to me and I'll give him some intense counseling sessions."
So Peter went off with Farmer Brown.
A week later the pigs went up to the farmhouse to ask how Peter's treatment was going. Farmer Brown opened the door and, munching on a piece of bacon, told them
“Don’t worry about Peter. I’ve cured him.”
https://redd.it/1w80x1u
@r_jokes | 40 |
| 7 | Somebody once tried paying me with counterfeit Brazilian money
I knew it wasn't real
https://redd.it/1w7vuxk
@r_jokes | 49 |
| 8 | Did you know that Germans eat more bananas than monkeys?
Last year the German population reportedly consumed up to 435.580.854 bananas, but only four monkeys
https://redd.it/1w7ub6d
@r_jokes | 48 |
| 9 | When you think of the number 69 what animal comes to mind?
A swallow
https://redd.it/1w7ocxl
@r_jokes | 50 |
| 10 | The weatherman broke both arms and legs...
Check out his forecasts
https://redd.it/1w7jxb0
@r_jokes | 58 |
| 11 | "man with no arms and no legs" joke
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, propped up on cinder blocks in the front yard?
A: Rusty
https://redd.it/1w7dcry
@r_jokes | 43 |
| 12 | A man goes to the doctors for a prostate exam
The doctor asks him to bend and slips on a glove.
The doctor says ‘try not to enjoy this too much Richard.’
The man says, ‘my name’s not Richard.’
The doctor says, ‘no but mine is.’
https://redd.it/1w76ikz
@r_jokes | 49 |
| 13 | There’s a new Indian restaurant that opened called Karma
There’s no menu. You just get what you deserve.
https://redd.it/1w73izf
@r_jokes | 52 |
| 14 | I had to break up with my girlfriend today
Me: I’m sorry, I can’t marry you. My family’s against it.
Her: Who are they to tell you no?
Me: My wife and kids.
https://redd.it/1w6vkwb
@r_jokes | 58 |
| 15 | I was walking in Manhattan when I bumped into an old high school pal whom I hadn't seen in twenty years. He was eager to show me photos of his new wife.
" Here, check out my wife" he said as he scrolled through a few photos on his phone, "Isn't she hot?!"
I replied, "If you think your wife is hot, you should see my wife"
"Is she hot too?
"Well yes, but she's also an eye doctor!"
https://redd.it/1w6r4dw
@r_jokes | 61 |
| 16 | A rich heir has three girlfriends and must choose which one to marry.
A rich heir has three girlfriends and must choose which one to marry. So he gives each one $5,000 and tells them it's a gift, so the relationship works and goes well, and that they can do what they want with it.
The next week, the first one comes back and says: With the money, I bought this first-class suit for you, these shirts, these silk ties, and these Italian shoes, because all I want is for you to feel happy.
The second one comes and says: Look, dear, with the money I bought these sets of sexy underwear and these provocative dresses, and I went to make myself beautiful at the beauty salon, because all I want is to please you.
Finally, the third woman appears and says: Honey, with your money, I invested in the stock market and got a 500% return, so you can see that I'm an industrious woman, and I'm going to take care of you.
\- Which of the three did he marry?
\- The one with the biggest tits.
https://redd.it/1w6mln2
@r_jokes | 57 |
| 17 | Dad calls home.
He hears a young voice answer. "Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now."
Another brief pause.
"Uh, okay then. Here’s what I want you to do: put the phone down, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute!"
A few minutes later, the little girl picks the receiver back up. "I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" he asks.
"Well, Mommy panicked, jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and started running around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?!"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too! He was terrified, so he jumped out the back window and straight into the swimming pool. But I guess he forgot you drained all the water out last week to clean it... he hit the concrete bottom and he isn't moving either."
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Dead Silence
Then Daddy clears his throat and asks:
"Wait... swimming pool? Uhh… Is this 867-5309?”
https://redd.it/1w6oube
@r_jokes | 56 |
| 18 | Two cannibals meet one day....
The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, hah!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder...those are friars!"
https://redd.it/1w6jaa6
@r_jokes | 57 |
| 19 | People are constantly telling me that I'm a little condescending.
So what if I'm 4'9", just got out of jail, and love riding escalators?
https://redd.it/1w69z3u
@r_jokes | 62 |
| 20 | Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.
After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.
https://redd.it/1w62si4
@r_jokes | 54 |
