Our Side of the Story

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አልጠራሽንም እንዳትሉ :) Yes Deborah Atnafu is me.

Can we not have the “trauma makes you stronger” conversation? Please and thank you. My little cousin had issues at school, they bullied her in the name of a “joke” and bullied her again for standing up for herself and defending what was right. Had she stayed quiet? They’d have done it again. Though it’s the unwavering reality of the world we walk in everyday , being exposed to the unloving side of the world at an age of not having the mental capacity to comprehend any of it isn’t something you really need to be “strong.” Okay it happened, we move on, but it was preferable if it didn’t. “Hey, how were they at school today?” “Did any them talk to you?” “Did you eat alone?” “Was anyone kind to you?” it’s not a pleasurable experience for me or her mom to ask this, imagine her. Someone said “she’ll grow up to be strong and won’t be vulnerable to people using her when she’s older” Perhaps trauma makes you stronger but it also stops time, sometimes moves it faster. You then realize your thought process and needs are not compatible with your friends, another incomprehensible pain.

ትላንት የሌለ ውዝግብ ብዬ I almost made a decision that I would have regretted within seconds. Not just yesterday honestly, the past few weeks as well. I had a very hard time regulating things, situations and my reactions. Someone who catches up with my creativity lol appreciated my works and added “I can’t imagine how hard it is to constantly think and be lost in your mind to birth your words” በስማም እንዴት ክው እንዳልኩ...I felt understood በትንሹም, I was talking about this on my tiktok live yesterday. ብዙ ጊዜ when your literary side is the epitome of your identity ሰው ስለምትፅፉት ነገር ነው እንጂ worry የሚያደርገው “what was going through your mind when you wrote this?” አትባሉም...in a way I love it. Because I won’t be giving unnecessary explanations to everyone who runs into my works. እና this overwhelming depth of my thoughts ስለሚያስፈራኝ I’ve stopped writing for a while, besides journaling ofc. Which led to this staggering of emotions and decisions. Makes me wonder how people with no outlets deal with their minds, truly. ብቻ አይዞን ለሁላችንም :)

ተዉ ይህቺን ፀሀይ አንድ በሉ...ቀለጥነ!

ብዙ ነገር ለእኔ weird ነው...መንገድ ላይ ብቻዬን ሳወራ ካያችሁኝ እንዲህች ብላችሁ እንዳትደነግጡ normal ነው:: እሱ አይደለም ነጥቡ...ፀሃዩ ሲያስጠላ ብታዩ! ለቅሶ ያሰኛል...እርግብግቢቴን ሲለኝ ቆይቶ ቁጭ ብዬ ኮካ አዘዝኩ ከመቃጠሌ ብዛት ማሰብያዬም ደንዞ ይሁን ስትሮውን ገልብጬ ከተትኩት...ና ተጠጣ አልጠጣም ከዛ when I realized በጣም ሳኩ...እናስ ብቻዬን:: ከዛ አስቆኝ ቢተው እሺ ምን ስሆን እንደገለበጥኩት ከራሴ ጋር ውይይት ጀመርኩ...ብዙ ነገር ብቻ ሳይሆን ለእኔ weird እኔዋም weird ነኝ:: ደግሞ ፈረንጅ እንዴት ነጭ ነው? በስማም! Melanin ውሎ ይግባ ኧረ...

AbuWalad was once my favorite My late grandfather Abba’ye was a quiet and reserved man, I don’t remember him being loud and playful like other grandfathers, the longest conversations he had was with Ema’ye, his wife. I learned the comfort in silence from him, when mom went away for work trips, my eight year old heart burnt with anxiety and missing her. He never said a word or two of comfort, he just held out his hand and took me out for a walk around the little ins and outs of our village, only to stop at the shop near our home and buy me Abuwalad and jolyjuice. This was a routine every time he noticed that I wasn’t as loud and cheerful as I usually was. I perfectly remember his hands, rough veins and the golden ring he had. I now can not taste abuwalad and not remember his face, quietness and warmth. It feels foreign to buy it without him beside me. But it was once my favorite, my first coping mechanism. 04.09 DT

ወደ ቦሌ እየሄድኩ ቅድም...ሹፌሩ ቂሊንጦ ስለገባ የቅርቡ ሰው ከረዳቱ ጋር እያወራ ነው...ባለታሪኩም ሹፌር መሰል...ሰው ገጭቶ መሆኑ ነው:: በወሬ መሃል አየር የማይወስድ ሰው እንደማደንቅ! እንዲሁ ሲንጣጣ ከ ፒያሳ ደምበል ደረስን...ታድያ አምልጦት ይሁን እንጃ "እኔም እኮ የተፈረደብኝ ጊዜ" በስማም ከምኔው የምወርድበት ደርሶልኝ...ባወራ ቁጥር ሌላ የቂሊንጦ ታሪክ ተዋናዮች እንዳንሆን ልቤ ከፍ ዝቅ ስትል...እሱም እንደተንጣጣ ወረድኩ:: Hopefully ቀሪዎቹ ሰላም ደርሰዋል :)

ደግሞ for this, a handful of people said its a kind gesture of asking her and making her feel important, valued. Thank you for your responses but even if it’s done I believe it should be done in private :)

እግዚሃር ምህረቱን ያብዛልን አንዳንዶቻችንማ🤣

ባያንስህም አምልኮ ባያንስህም ክብር እኔ እንደሁ መስዋዕቴን ከመሰዋት አልቀር!

I spent the last two hours re organizing my very much organized room and closet because this little girl thought it wasn’t well organized enough. I was lectured and felt like I was the child, but I’d do it again for the satisfaction on her face every time I said “eshi” to her requests. You gots to love kids man!

I just said "ዛሬ ልክ አልዋልኩም" out loud to myself. Someone woke me up without getting enough sleep early in the morning so I went back to sleep (DON’T YOU EVER DO THIS.) Woke up again with my migraine and so much dread, spent the rest of the day watching BBC Earth because Sir David’s narrating always soothes me and wild life is oh my God amazing! Napping and BBC Earth again, some more napping until I remembered I have somewhere to be tomorrow and got another migraine thinking of it. I still have my migraine and I’m thinking about, honestly I don’t even know, there’s a lot. Anyways hope you had a "ልክ ነው የዋልኩት" Monday :)

ከቻልን እንዲህ አናድርግ ሰው ብዙ ጊዜ ዛሬ የቀረበው ሰው ነገ እንደሚርቀው ባለመረዳት ህመሙን ድካሙን ክፋቱን ፍርሃቱን ይናገራል አይደል? እና ምን ይሆናል ያው ጊዜ እና ከጊዜ ጋር የመጡና የሄዱ ነገሮች ሰዎቹን ያራርቋቸዋል ያከፋፏቸዋል። ከዚያ ያ ሰው በወዳጅነት መንፈስ ተናግሮ የነበረው ደካማ ጎኑን አንዱ ወገን ያኔ እህህ ብሎ እንዳልሰማው፣ ያኔ አብሮት እንዳላለቀሰ ያኔ አይዞህ እንዳላለ ያህል ቅይር ብሎ ዛሬ ሊጎዳው ይጠቀምበታል። ህጻን ሆኜ አንድ አካል አላግባብ ሲያስለቅሰኝ የነገሩን ኢፍትሐዊነት የነገርኩትና አይዞህ ያለኝ ሌላ አካል በማግስቱ አልቃሻ ካለኝ ወዲህ ይህ ዓይነቱ ነገር ተከትሎኛል። የአስቀያሚነቱ የስድነቱ ልክም በደንብ ይገባኛል። እና ብዙ ለሚሄድ ሰው አንከፈት። አምነውን ያወሩልንን ግን በምንም ምክንያት ብንርቃቸው ስማቸውን ማጥፋት አስፈላጊ አይደለም። ሆኖ በተገኘበት እንኳ ሌላ ነገር እንጠቀም እንጂ ያኔ አይዞህ፣ አይዞሽ፣ ይፈጠራል ከጎንህ ነኝ፣ እኔን ወዘተ ያልንበትን ጉዳይ አይሁን። ክብር እንወቅ፣ እምነት አንስበር። 😊

ደግሞ croissant ኩራሳ እንደሚባል ታውቁ ነበር? እሱም ገርሞኛል::

እየውላችሁ ደግሞ ዛሬ I was bored at home...የሌለብኝን ውጪ ውጪ አለኝ...I asked my mom and sister to walk with me. We went out and stopped at a nearby cafe...ቦታ የለም and it was uncomfortably crowded. One of the waitresses came “ኑ ወደ ውስጥ ግቡ" we thought she found a table but it was just a couple of chairs scattered under those tables you see in tomoca (idk what they’re called) A very much warm gratitude for my height እኔ አልተቸገርኩም but my mom and sister were very uncomfortable እንደ ጎረቤት ልጅ ተወሽቀው...በገዛ ገንዘባችን🤣 So my sister being the lawyer and court person she is “አሃ ምን በወጣን ቦታ ፈልጊልን" ማለት...አስተናጋጇን:: እህትዓለም ሌላ ወንበር ይዛ መታ "ይኸው ጠረጴዛ አርጉት" ማለት...እነ እናት ቅውስ🤭 ከዛ ተነስተው ለመውጣት ሲሉ እኔም መከተል...I didn’t miss the look on all of the waitresses faces “ተያቸው ባክሽ" said one of them with an attitude ready to throw hands. We probably would have stayed if they said “ሰው ትንሽ በዝቶ ነው ታገሱን" instead በነፃ የምንገለገል ይመስል እሪ...እኛስ ሌላ ቤት ሄድን...የቀረባቸው እነሱ:: ቦታ ይውለዱ አይደለም...አልተመቸንም ኣ? Let us leave in peace, it doesn’t have to get personal. እውነት እኔ አስተናጋጅ እንደምፈራ ደህና የሚፈራ ነገር ብፈራ...ምናልባት ስራውን ሳይወዱት ለእንጀራ ያህል ይሆናል የሚሰሩት...እኛ ሀገር ሁሉም ስራ ክቡር ነው ይባላል እንጂ not really. ግን ምንም ነገር will excuse a shitty customer service. ብቻ እንዲሁ ግርም ብሎኝ አመሸሁ እላችኋለሁ :)