I’m not here for advice ,I just need to get something off my chest. It’s about my girlfriend well, my ex. I ruined my own relationship.
We actually had a perfect relationship. My girl was pretty , really pretty. Tall, curvy, intelligent, funny… everything any man would want in a woman. The first time we met, I even thought she’d snub me because she had this straight face on. Somehow I managed to get her contact, and when we started talking, I realized there was so much more to her than just her beauty.
She never made things difficult. She never played hard to get. She matched my energy effortlessly. Fast forward , we started dating.
When I met her, she was still in nursing school. I’m not the type who wakes up early, so I wasn’t the one texting good morning or checking in. Instead, I’d wake up to her messages: telling me her plans for the day, who she’d be with, what time she’d close from class. She’d call in the afternoon to ask how work was going, ask if I’d eaten, and she’d call me again when I closed from work. She was caring, present and steady.
She was always there when I needed her. When we got together, the only thing I really spent money on was food because she was a foodie. She never asked me for money ,not once but I still gave her something once in a while. I never bought her gifts either, but she still showed me love like I gave her the world. A month with her changed the stereotype I had about nurses being unfaithful. She was loyal.
Then I messed everything up.
Because of our relationship, I started spending less time with my friends, and they didn’t like it. They started talking, saying my girl was too clingy, and like a fool, I listened. Those same friends are no longer even in my life, but it was their voices I let get into my head.
I started seeing her less. I began cancelling our plans. I knew she was hurt, but I convinced myself she loved me more than I loved her, so she’d always stay. I let my friends influence me so much that I started ghosting her , ignoring calls, leaving messages on read. And anytime I came back to apologize, she forgave me.
I thought I had everything under control. I even ghosted her on our anniversary. Didn’t talk to her for a whole week, but I was active on socials like nothing was wrong. She broke up with me two weeks later. I apologized, and she took me back again.
Then I went a whole month without seeing her, without giving her anything. Still, she never complained. All she asked was whether I was okay… if something was bothering me.
Then she lost someone important to her.
And I wasn’t there. I didn’t console her. I didn’t show up. That was the final blow.
She broke up with me again… and this time, she blocked me everywhere. But I know she’s on Jodel.
Without her, I’m not who I used to be. She made life peaceful for me. I used to think the relationship was boring, but now I realize it wasn’t boredom , it was peace. And I miss that peace. I miss her.
Abena, I know you’re here, and I know you’re reading this.
I just want to say I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me.
I know I don't deserve you.
But please… give me a chance to speak to you. I beg you.