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Kanal postlari

3 Ways / 1 Thing You feel 3 ways about 1 thing, how do you then feel? Confused? If you say that, then maybe you're a rough person. Maybe there's a name for it, or maybe it's nameless. It's maybe its own thing, like a tricolor color... It's a weird color. Maybe you can't imagine it the same way you can't imagine new colors? Either ways, Feel good Author: @virtualmatter

2	Excerpts from my journal(just come home) . . . Growing up in Ethiopia means losing all the women you love to their need for men. Being abandoned for dead for the flickering love of a man and maybes. Even the self proclaimed feminists uphold misogyny in the hopes that if they play their cards right that they might get a good man. Roughening up gentle patches because of the narrative that men love bitches. "The meanest woman you know has the most devoted husband". Utter bullshit. But. It's hope. And it looks pretty on you. I wish you were who you are. I wish your desire didn't outweigh human connection. I wish you knew that my embrace was warmer than any man's bed or your thoughts of a future. Even grown women believe that their miserable marriage is a misstep on their side. An inappropriate gamble on a man's behavior. That if you had played your cards right, if you were more coy, more secretive, more funny, more...but somehow you're too much? You project the game on your daughter, hoping and dreading she wins. Hoping so that you live vicariously through her and that all your efforts aren't for nothing. Dreading that if she does that means you didn't play good enough. You center love but love is everywhere. You just want to feel chosen. Feel like you have something to prove for your existence. I won't say decenter men, that has been said enough. Center belongingness, giddiness, joy, want, not necessity. An understanding that you'll choose yourself everytime. You are for you. We don't outsource self care/care for self here. I love you, come home. We can be girls together. . . .	64
3	“የማያውቁት ሀገር አይናፍቅም” (ራስን ስከሳ) I want to hold your hands in mine. I want to lick your lips and sing you songs I wrote in dreams. I want us. Heavens, I want us all the time. ግን ደሞ, I have seen impatience consume love like Greek fire. I have seen Orpheus curse Eurydice to a world he cannot travel to again. Where he will no longer be able to hold her, Where all he has is her smile etched onto the back of his eyes, Her laughter like a bow, wrapped around his spine, Where his ears shall forever seek but never will find. ስለቸኮለ ብቻ. Impatience, Too eager. Now an impregnable wall sits between him, and his eternity, Impatience did this, አይደብርም? See, እኔ, I will choose another route and be patient forever. ለ ዘ ለ አ ለ ም! I refuse myself his pain, I will not marry it willingly! ምን መሰለሽ? I will love you from afar until time takes you away from my unlearned fingers. I’ll pretend to be selfless, for fear’s sake, when all the while my unseen love lingers. በቅጡ ሳላውቅሽ እንዲ ከናፈቅሽኝ ያወኩሽ ቀን አይጣል! “ግደይኝ” ይመጣል. “ገለሽ በቀበርሽኝ!” But then again, You have such a pretty smile. I don’t mind having it etched on the back of my eyes, ለዘለአለም! እርጋታው ይደርሳል.	120
4	She walks in to the room, She need not ask where to sit. She walks as her dress flails around her feet, The folds trying their best not to get in her way. She smiles in the direction of the man she loves, The man who loves her back, Often in quiet ways but in ways no one can deny. She sits where she is wanted-expected-reserved. She sits with no questions asked. I watch her from the floor, Where my imagination placed me, The only place I know to look from. He doesn't smile upon her presence, nor does he move about. He sits there observing, taking in her warmth. She is loved and she knows. She is wanted and she knows. She is the girl everybody envied and he knows. He would die for her if she asked and she knows. Yet she offers up her heart on a platter for him. It's what makes her a women of his choice. And it is his choice that completes her as a woman. #Penny_for_your_thoughts?	132
5	መኖር ገድል (1) ሕልም ነበረኝ የመጠቀ÷ ከኖርኩበት እጅግ የራቀ ተስፋ ነበር የሚመዘዝ ÷ ለደስታዬ የሚታዘዝ ውጤት ነበር÷ የሚጠበቅ በነገዬ የሚራቀቅ..... መኖር ሚሉት÷ አጉል ገድል ቀኔን ሰራው÷ በእሾህ ድልድል የልፋቴን÷ መች አገኘሁ የሃዘን ክራር ÷በእጄ ቃኘሁ የእንባ ብዛት÷ ላያሽረኝ መናገሬ ÷ላያደነኝ ብዙ ለፋሁ÷ ብዙ ደከምኩ በእንባ ፀበል÷ ልቤን አከምኩ ሃዘን ሆዴን÷ ገዝግዞታል መኖር ሸክም ÷አዝሎታል መውጣት መውረድ÷ አረገኝ ስል ደነዘዝኩኝ እስክበስል ጭንቀት ዜማ ÷እንባ ግጥም አዋዛሁት ÷በደስታ ጥም:: ዚታክ https://t.me/yegtmalem32	174
6	Chilling in the Chilly I go out and there's wind outside. To me it is tame, but others they are in dis-ease. Tonight, I welcome the cold, because it beats against me, and I need the beating. Tonight, I want to fight with the wind, I want to see what it's got. It started raining, almost as if to say, "You asked for it..." But I was chilling tho, I wasn't hostile or nothing. @virtualmatter	149
7	Tietle (A tie shaped like a turtle? I kid) How about if the world did it this way? Giving attention to things of huge import first and then once those are resolved, giving attention to trivial things? Or is it that one will never finish giving attention to important things cause they are so many, and be left with no time for the trivial things? Or is it that the trivial things aren't so trivial? That they are almost as important?	205
8	I can feel my heart beating on my skin I feel my ribs open like arms seeking your pretty name to hold within ፈራሁ ሲበዛ ወደድኩሽ መሰለኝ Mithril	231
9	When the world itself falls away from the innocence of my lips, When my spine wishes to invite death into its essence, When love fails to seep through my meninges, I will burn my self at the stake for you. So you could feel warmth, and be less hungry too.	200
10	I have, (As a person who is not at all fond of) I have had the universe melt on my tongue before, I’ve seen the most greenest green unfurl from her palms, I have written psalms in her name in insurmountable amounts, I have also kissed her feet many more times than I can count. I’ve seen her dance like candle light, lit in a dark room real late at night, I’ve seen her paint stories with her shadows while we lay in bed, and that pretty memory refuses to lay down dead, My only soul, still it taunts. Yet, more than everything else, I remember still that I have kissed her feet many more times than I can count. I have seen her pour daggers from her pretty mouth and I’ve received them with my chest bared, I’ve licked her lips so they would not dry, hugged her tight so she would not cry, and when my turn she did not care. I’ve immolated parts of dear old me so she would feel warm, my warlord queen, my Amazon. I have been hurt by her silhouette, and I confess, my soul’s reprieve will not be found, Time and time again she has drawn blood and I have fallen out of sight without a sound. And yet, while in a sea of memories, the one bright spot that stays with me, is that I’ve kissed her feet, Many more times than I can count.	221
11	ዉዴ ብከፋኝም ራሴን አባብዬ ብደሰትም ራሴን ችዬ ከእለታት በአንዱ ቀን አንተን/አንቺን አገኝ እንደሆነ ብዬ ይሀው እኖራለሁ፣ ተስፋን ከሃዘኔ ደባልቄ Like a cat in the wild, Who has yet to be tamed, I curl up in the dead branches, hiding from the wind-oh-pains, I strut in the dark, sniffing out mice, Ready to dine, to add salt to my life, I wait for submission, As if i will not run, As if my history doesn't show, In the very way i walk. My fingers itch the pen to paper, As my mouth would paint with blood, I am a fierce wild cat, Waiting to be tamed. #Penny_for_your_thoughts ?	154
12	I have had the universe melt on my tongue before, I’ve seen the most greenest green unfurl from her palms, I have written psalms in her name in insurmountable amounts, I have also kissed her feet many more times than I can count. I’ve seen her dance like candle light, lit in a dark room real late at night, I’ve seen her paint stories with her shadows while we lay in bed, and that pretty memory refuses to lay down dead, My only soul, still it taunts. Yet, more than everything else, I remember still that I have kissed her feet many more times than I can count. I have seen her pour daggers from her pretty mouth and I’ve received them with my chest bared, I’ve licked her lips so they would not dry, hugged her tight so she would not cry, and when my turn she did not care. I’ve immolated parts of dear old me so she would feel warm, my warlord queen, my Amazon. I have been hurt by her silhouette, and I confess, my soul’s reprieve will not be found, Time and time again she has drawn blood and I have fallen out of sight without a sound. And yet, while in a sea of memories, the one bright spot that stays with me, is that I’ve kissed her feet, Many more times than I can count.	17
13	Being grateful is a paradox. It's said that you should be grateful for what u have, for others wish to be in your place. but then again you deep down desire things, things others have for human desire knows no limit. It's a loophole. There is always someone in desire of what others own. There are homeless beggars who wish for a house. And sick dying people who wish to be healthy enough to even be able to beg And it goes on and on Of course be grateful for it will bring you peace of mind when hardships befall you but desire isn't so bad either. There are some of us who wish to know what they truly desire in life. Those who can't find joy in fortunate situations. Those who can't find solace within their souls no matter how hard they try. So I guess I've to say be grateful that you have things to desire.	197
14	Tourte du jour (እስክነቃ) I saw you in a dream last night. I think I was alone at a restaurant somewhere, Looking out it’s frosted windows, When I happened on the sight of you holding on to the very earth with your pretty toes, Clawing to not float away into the nothingness above that awaits us all, Grinning with it’s teeth sharpened and snappy, It’s grubby hands incessantly seeking to pluck, ከዛ እኝክ, ከዛ ዋጥ. Anyway, I felt I saw your desire to mean something to someone, So desperately so. I haven’t figured out if that someone was you or someone else entirely though. Regardless, I saw you garbed all in sincerity, As much fabric of it as your soul could muster, While still trying to fit me and all near thee into dresses made of whispers and villainy. ግን I also dreamt that I no longer felt an imbalance within me, Not a single fibre of muscle constricted at the thought of you floating away, I weirdly dreamt that I had little to nothing to say. ብቻ I dreamt, And dreamt, And dreamt, While you enveloped your body with a slice of the night sky, You were a truly beautiful sight, I promise. But, see, I dreamt that I felt more for the thoughts of what could be that day’s pie.	186
15	I felt the structures buckle I saw the momentary flash on the dashboard My attention slowly reared its hydra-esque head towards that disturbance in the fields. The place where it emerged is left singed. The observers are gathered and investigating it, proding it. Life continues, and the tape keeps winding. The sky has morphed many a times.	163
16	If only a moment of Calm The metaphysical grounds are shaky The literal grounds are shaky The universe itself is shaky, for matter emerges out of the quantum vibrations Do you like shakes or smoothies? Personally, I keep forgetting the difference. One has milk in it right? The other is just shook?😄 The shake is shook, we are all shook, it is a shaking. Thanks for coming to my TedRant	161
17	It's my bedroom so every song fits. For now it's Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game". I'm sitting here wondering why you've had such an effect in my life that there is a notable before and after you. There's a precursor to all this. I was reading encounters of a journalist for the New York times and chewing on her take about listening. She says it's active, like most of the manuals we've read about Business Communication. She elaborates further into a book. I'm on page 34 telling me I may not be a good listener though I could be a good reader. Going back. I think you're the only person I've properly listened to. Gathered the hems of my attention and fully sat with your words. It has cost me a lot, I won't lie. For one, I can't find it in me to hate you. I've tried. I've tried everything. You're my doe eyed awfully corny boy. I still freeze when I accidentally see you in public. I guess your features are ingraved in my mind too. I water people down to features of yours that they represent. I saw a man with your nose, another with your hands. I can't tell you any of this of course. There were times where I could tell you everything. I wanted us to be friends as a last ditch attempt to have you in my life. Oh well. There's nothing poetic about all this. It's flat and matter of fact. I miss listening to you.	1
18	A lonely life It must be a lonely, this thing we call life. If so, what a beauty it is when two universes cross each other's orbit and collide for a brief moment. When they catch a glance at the multitude in the other, recognize humanity, and marvel on the shared experience. Then they wonder, "Maybe we're not completely alone in our thoughts and emotions — the only things circling the orbits around the stars of our selves."	156
19	It's my bedroom so every song fits. For now it's Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game". I'm sitting here wondering why you've had such an effect in my life that there is a notable before and after you. There's a precursor to all this. I was reading encounters of a journalist for the New York times and chewing on her take about listening. She says it's active, like most of the manuals we've read about Business Communication. She elaborates further into a book. I'm on page 34 telling me I may not be a good listener though I could be a good reader. Going back. I think you're the only person I've properly listened to. Gathered the hems of my attention and fully sat with your words. It has cost me a lot, I won't lie. For one, I can't find it in me to hate you. I've tried. I've tried everything. You're my doe eyed awfully corny boy. I still freeze when I accidentally see you in public. I guess your features are ingraved in my mind too. I water people down to features of yours that they represent. I saw a man with your nose, another with your hands. I can't tell you any of this of course. There were times where I could tell you everything. I wanted us to be friends as a last ditch attempt to have you in my life. Oh well. There's nothing poetic about all this. It's flat and matter of fact. I miss listening to you.	165
20	"I eat here because the gravy is thick, and the waitresses call you by your first name. That's where it's at. It took me 80 years to realize it but it's where it's at." Good (2020) ከታክሲ ወርጄ ደጃፌ እስክደርስ ለአስር ደቂቃዎች ያህል መራመድ አለብኝ። በመንገዴ ብዙ ሱቆች፣ አንድ/ሁለት የህንጻ መሳሪያ መሸጫዎች፣ ሁለት እርጎ ቤቶች አና የተወሰኑ የመጠጥ ግሮሰሪዎችን አቋርጬ ቤቴ እገባለሁ። መቼ ለታ ያለወትሮዬ አምሽቼ ፈጠን ፈጠን እያልኩ ስራመድ አንድ ልጅ ፊት ለፊቴ መጥቶ ቆመ። ብዙ ተመክሬም ያልተወኝ መሬት መሬት እያዩ የመራመድ አመል አለብኝና የልጁን እግሮች ነው ቀድሜ ያየሁት። አንድ እርምጃ ወደኋላዬ መለስ ብዬ ቀና አልኩ። ልጁን በአይን አውቀዋለሁ። እውቀቴ ግን በመንገድ ሳልፍ አንድ ሁለቴ ሰላም ብሎኝ በአንገት ሰላምታ ምላሹን ከመስጠት የሚያልፍ ስላልሆነ በምሽት መንገዴን ዘግቶ ሲቆም ትንሽ ፈርቻለሁ። "ደክሞኛል በናትህ አሳልፈኝ" አልኩኝ መፍራቴን እንዳያሳብቅ ደግሞም የተቆጣሁ እንዳይመስል ድምጼን ለመመጠን እየተጨነኩ። "እሺ ትሄጃለሽ" አነጋገሩ የሰላም ይመስላል። የልብ ምቴ በጥቂቱ ተረጋጋች። "በሰላም ነው ጸጉርሽን የተቆረጥሽው?" አለ ቀጥሎ "እ??" አልኩት ጥያቄው ያልጠበኩት ሆኖብኝ። ሴት ነኝና ደግሞም መሽቷልና ጭንቅላቴ ደስ የማይሉ ሃሳቦች ውስጥ ነበር። ከቀናት በፊት ድንገት ተነስቼ ሰለቆረጥኩት ጸጉሬ በዛ ቅጽበት ረስቻለሁ። "አይ ለቅሶ ምናምን ከሆነ ብዬ ነው . . . ማዘር ደህና ናቸው?" ያልሆነ ነገር እየጠየቀ እንደሆነ ተሰምቶት ሳይሆን አይቀርም ንግግሩ ፈጠን ፈጠን አለ። ሰፈሩ ጨለም ስለሚል ለወትሮው ካመሸሁ እናቴ ወይም ወንድሞቼ ወጥተው ይቀበሉኝ ነበር። ያን ቀን ስልኬ ዘግቶ ውጡልኝ ብዬ መደወያ አጥቼ ነበር ብቻዬን ለመግባት የወሰንኩት። እና ያ ልጅ - ያ ፊቱ በፀሃይ የጠቆረ ፣ ጉንጮቹ በጉስቁልና የጎደጎዱ ፣ ጥርሶቹ በብዙ ሱሶች የበለዙ ፣ ትንፋሹ አልኮል አልኮል የሚል ፣ በኑሮው በቤቱ እልፍ ችግሮች ያሉበት የሃገሬ ልጅ የጸጉሬን ባጭር መቆረጥ ደግሞም ያለልማዴ ያለሸኚ መገኘቴን አይቶ "በሰላም ነው ወይ?" ብሎ ጠየቀኝ። መልሴን ሰምቶ ፣ ብዙም ወሬ ሳያበዛ የመጨረሻውን መጠጥ ቤት እስክናልፍ ድረስ ሸኝቶኝ ተሰናብቶኝ ተመለሰ። እዚያ ዘመድ አለ፡፡ ሁሉም የናት ልጅ ነው፤ ሁሉም ያባት ልጅ ነው፤ ጠላትም አንዳንዴ ይመጣል መቃብር፤ ባላጋራም ቸር ነው “ያገር ልጅ” ሲቸገር፡፡ ሃገሬ (ገብረክርስቶስ ደስታ - መንገድ ስጡኝ ሰፊ) 'ቻዎ!' ብሎኝ ሲሄድ አይኖቼ እምባ ሞልተው ነበር። የሚያየኝ ሰው እንዳለ አላወኩም። ዝም ብዬ ስኖር የሚያስተውለኝ፣ በውስጡ በዝምታ የሚያስብልኝ እንዳለ አልተረዳሁም። 'ወገን መሃል መሆን ይሄ ነው!' አልኩ ለራሴ። It took me 28 years to realize it. But that's where it's at. "ሃገሬን እወዳታለሁ!" ብል - ጋሽ ስብሃት እንዳለው ዛሬ ላይ 'የፋራ' ቢሆንም - የማወራው ስለዚህ ልጅ ነው። ስሜን ሳያውቅ፣ ዘሬን ሳይቆጥር፣ ደረጃዬን ሳይለካ ስላሰበልኝ፣ ወገኑ ስላረገኝ ሰው ስል ሃገሬን እወዳታለሁ። ድምጽ ሰለሌላቸው መተያየቶቻችን ስል ሃገሬን እወዳታለሁ። ቃላት ስለማይባክንባቸው መግባባቶቻችን ስል ሃገሬን እወዳታለሁ። እኔ እዚህ ነኝ። ነፍሴ እዚህ ናት። ሰለድሎቿ የምኮራውን ያህል ስለነውሮቿም አንገቴን እደፋለሁ። በሟች ጎን ሆና የምታለቅሰው ልቤ በገዳይ ወገን ሆና ለይቅርታ ድንጋይ ትሸከማለች። ግን በሁሉም ውስጥ ሃገሬን እወዳታለሁ። ሞኝነትም ቢመስል ደጋግሜ እላለሁ ሃገር ስለተጎሳቆለች አትጠ፟ላም - ይልቅስ ስላልተወደደች ነው የተጎሳቆለችው።	220

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