Soul Writers

unperson and undo You knew me best and you still fucked up. You knew me the most and you still acted ignorant. It was the third week of autumn. I sat outside my house and contemplated how I got here. I saw the golden leaves of the pine trees that stood gracefully on the ground where we once played as kids. How beautiful it looked and I knew it was doomed to fall apart. Who knew decaying took such a beautiful process? I think right then I too drifted apart from the person I once was. With such raptures came the decision to "unperson" you. I call it "unpersoning" because it's less violent. Because it beautifies that brutal process of cutting you out of my life like you never existed. It simplifies and makes it easier to digest that someone who was once like a vine growing inside my veins is now a stranger. My person who I thought was made from the same fabric of my soul is now an "unperson" I can't even think about. They say love knows no vengeance. They say love forgives. Does this mean what we had wasn't, THAT? what of the love that turned to hate? What of the friend that's now a foe? You punished me with indifference when I needed to confide in the trust I had in you. You punished me with a sardonic grin when I needed your comforting laughter. You greeted with judgment and sarcasm when I needed your guidance and humor. My pettiness got the best of me. My vindictive nature consumed me whole and common sense got out the window. Any fragment of affection I held decayed. So I left the concept of "forever", punishing you with my silence. I punished you by leaving no closure and tattooed "Absquatulate" on the places where your hands were the most. It's sort of like a poetic justice. We can't go back and I can't undo the damage of such a dramatic pay back. I used to wait for you in the morning sitting out side your house because your mother never liked me enough to let me inside. I used to wait for you to call so that you'd tell me you got home safe but now I don't even have your number. I no longer pass by your neighborhood. I pretend like I don't know your mother. I still don't listen to the artist you once loved. I still skip every song you played in your car. I am wearing golden as I write this. You'd have hated this but I am in denial of your existence. I am doing my very worst to undo everything we thought we had. You asked me, "Where is the future we once dreamt of building?",We killed it. You accused me, "Where is the person that promised me forever?" She no longer has anything to offer. Funny I can't find the right metaphor to describe you. So I write to you directly with a resentment that serves like a muse, I hope you are doing well(I hope you are miserable). I wish you all the best(I really do not care). I hope you find someone new(replacing you wasn't that hard. It was always a wrong time right person kind of thing with you and I (it was shared trauma and attachment). I loved you(you abused that). I fought for us(I tried to be strong for the both of us and you ended up walking all over me). I don't hate you (but I don't forgive you either.) Then I stop, my hands freeze with the realization, this is a letter that will never get to you. Perhaps I should send this to you and apologize saying I wasn't thinking right like you always used to do or say I was intoxicated trying to forget how sad I was. You loved that excuse a lot. But We both know I am too prideful. I NEVER FALL APART. I will admit there is some part of me that still cares. I murder it every night with a night life so hedonistic I start to forget my name. I forget who I am even if it's for a moment, even if it's temporary. And in forgetting myself I get to forget you. I let you go like you never were. I erase and unperson you. I undo my mistakes that came with being with you. @anashtray

ባጣ ቆዪኝ እወዳታለው! ከሷ ምን የማይወደድ አለ? ሳቋ እውነት አለው ሁሌም እደሳቀች ፈገግታዋ ሚስጢር አለው።  ታዲያ በሆነው ባልሆነው አትገለፍጥም፡ ላሸረገደላት ሁሉ ጥርሶቿ ዘብ አይቆሙም። ማርያምን ለኔ ግን ስትስቅ ይለያል፡ ለኔ ከንፈሯም አይኗም ይስቃሉ ልክ እኔና እሷ ብቻ የምናውቀው ድብቅ ነገር ያለ ይመስል። አቤት ታዲያ'ኔ ልቤ ይኮፈሳል፣ ዐለም የኔ የሆነች ይመስለኛል። ሁሌ ሳገኛት ውበቷ አዲስ ይሆናል ያላደነኳት መስሎኝ ስንቴ 'ስታምሪ' ብያታለው። እንደምታምር ግን ታውቃለች? ተጨንቃበት አታውቅም  ማረያምን! የሰራት ተጠቦ ነው ፡ እንዳታስብበት ሁሉን ለቅሞ ተጠንቅቆ።  ፊቷን በሜክአብ አታደምቅም  ለምን ብላ? በራሱ እኮ አፍዝዝ አደንግዝ አለው።  ፀጉሯ የጥቅልል ጎፈር የእጅ ጣትን ይጣራል። ማርያምን ጣቶቼ የራሴ አስከማይመስሉኝ ስንቴ እዛ ቆንጆ አናት ላይ አግኝቻቸዋለው? በፀጉሯ መሐል ለአፍታም ሲርመሰመስ። ብቻ ስለውበቷ ከጀመርኩ  አልጨረስም። ስንቴ አድንቄ አዳምቄ ስለ ቁንጅናዋ ነገርኳት? ልቧን ለማቅለጥ ከስንቱ ቃላት ጋር ተደራደርኩ... ከሷ የሚያናደኝ ነገር ቢኖር ይሄ  ነው፡ አመሰግናለው እንኳ አታውቅም፡ ያንን ድበቅ ፈገግታ ብቻ ትለግሰኛለች። በሰልባጅ ቱታና ለኔ እንኳን የሚሰፋኝን ካኒተራ የተንዘላዝላ መስላ ብትመጣም ሰውነቷ በልብሱ ልክ ተስተካክሎ ይወጣል።  ማርያምን ተፈታተነኝ! አላስችል ቢለኝ በስመ ሠላምታ አቀፍኳት፡ ተደገመ ተደጋገመ 'እንዴት ነሽ' ወገቧን የዝ እደረቴ ላይ መለጠፍ የተእለት ግዴታዬ ሆነ። እኔን ስታቅፍ ግን ትለያለች፡ በልኬ እደተሰፋልኝ ሹራብ ልጥፍ ትላለች እጆቿ በወገቤ እንደ እባብ ይጠመጠማሉ። ማርያምን ለሌሎቹ  እኮ ትከሻዋን ነው ምትሠጠው።  እንዳቀፍኳት ቀና ስትል  ሁሌ ከንፈሬ እዛ ጠይም ላብ ያወዛው ግንባር ላይ አነገኘዋለው። የዛኔ ልቤን ደስይላታል ከአቅሟ በላይ ትዘላለች። አንስታይንን የሚያስንቅ እውቀት አላት: ግን ሁሌ 'ማወቅ ማለት አለማወቅን ማወቅ ነው' የሚል ፍልስፍና አላት። አንድን ድብን አድርጋ የምታውቀውን ነገር  ስለፈልፍ እንዳላወቀ ሆና ታዳምጠኛለች ስጨርስ 'ታውቃለህ በዚህ መንገድ አልተረዳሁትም ነበር' ትልና ያቺን ፈገግታ ትሸልመኛለች። የዛኔ እኔ ፕሮፌሰር ነኝ ሁሉን ጠንቅቄ የማውቅ። ስለምንም ነገር ማውራት ትችላለች ፡ ግራ አትጋባም የማታውቀውንም ብታመጣ አውቃለው ብላ የውሸት አፏን አታሞጠሙጥም፡ መልሷ አጭር ነው 'አረ ሰለሱ አላውቅም ምንድነው?'   እሷ ለምትናገረው እኔ አመንኳት አላመንኳት ጉዳይዋ አይደለም፡ ምን እኔ ብቻ? 'አኔ እውነቱን እስከተናገርኩኝ ድረስ የፈለገ ይመን ያልፈለገ ይተው' ትላለች። 'እውነትሽን ነው?' ብለው ሲያፈጡባት 'እውነት' መልሷ ይህ ነው፡ ሰው አደናቅፎት እንኳ አይምልም? ለኔ ግን የተጠራጠርኳት ከመሰላት  በአይኖቿ እየሳቀች 'ማርያምን እውነቴን ነው' ትላለች። በሰው ያላት እምነት እንደውቂያኖስ ጥልቅ ነው፡ ስለራሴ የምነግራትን አሜን ብላ ትቀበላለች ስንት ለማመን የሚያዳግት ነገር አጫውቻት አይደለም ልታወጣጣኝ በጥርጣሬ እንኳ አታየኝም። እምነቷ ያጀገናት ሴት። የምትረግጠውን የማታይ ከኋላዋ ያለውን ዞሯ የማትመለከት ናት። በአምላኳ እምነት  ልቧን የሞላች፣ በራሷ እምነት ሰከን ያለች፣ በሰዎች ያላት እምነት ልባቸውን የገዛች። እሷን የማቀፍ ሱሴ ከከንፈሯ አደናቅፎ ጣለኝ። ለምን ሳምኳት? ልቤን ተጠራጥሬ አፌን ልመልስ፡ እጆቿ በአንገቴ ዞረው፣ ጡቶቿ ደረቴን እየወጉ ሳመችኝ ተስማ ማታውቅ ይመስል፣ ከከንፈር ርሃብ የመታት ይመስል ሳመችኝ፣መጠጠቺኝ። ጣቶቿ ጉንጬን እየዳበሱ በምላሷ አስደነሰችኝ። የዛኔ የምሆነውን አሳጣኝ ኤሌትሪክ እደያዘው አንዘፈዘፈኝ፣ እጆቼ የገላዋን መናፈሻ ተንሸራሸሩ የትም ብሄድ አላስቆመችኝም። በመሳም ድርቅ የተመታሁትኝ እኔ ሆንኩኝ፣ ሳምኳት፣ ሳምኳት ፣ ትንፋሽ እስኪያጥራት፣ ከንፈሯ እስኪያብጥ... ያኔ አምላክ የሆንኩኝ መሰለኝ የሷ ለኔ መሸነፍ፣ በፍቅር መውደቅ የዓለም ፍጥረት ለኔ የሰገደ መሰለኝ። ከዚያማ የኔ ባጣ ቆዪኝ አደረኳት። የት ትሄድ እና? ማርያምን ብላ የምትምለው ለኔ ብቻ፣ የምታቅፈኝ እኔን ብቻ፣ አይኖቿ የሚያበሩት ለኔ፣ ልቧ ያለው እኔ ጋር? የት ትሄዳለች? እኔ ያላየሁት ብዙ ነው። ምን አልባት ከሷ የተሻለ አገኝ ይሆናል! እሷ ባጣ ትቆየኝ። ግን እወዳታለው! ማርያምን እውነቴን ነው! @Etegemntewab

አንቺ ቆንጂዬ, I hope you find happiness even when the world comes undone. Even when life blows you around like a dried up leaf in the fading fall sun. I hope you learn that all the fear you feel is in a rush to run away, You’ll wake up one day to see that it is all gone. Like a pile of ash on the windiest day. And I hope you find joy in a dry desert, A lack of thirst in a salty sea, Laughter when you feel alone. I hope you become who you need to be. And I hope I play a part in easing any pain that pains you, However irrelevant or small, And I hope you smile forever most of all. You have such a pretty smile, እውነት. And a heart that leaves any who fly by in awe. እና, ሌላ ያልነገርኩሽ ነገር ደሞ, you feel like Icarus’s dream. The moon’s longing The universe’s seam.

All around me are words Words that are said Echoing in my headspace and Piercing down my soul               And All around me are words Words that are unsaid Echoing in my headspace and Weighing down my heart. ~Reema Faarath Rasmi~ @reemafaarath37 #Chaoticsoul

It’s disrupting you because it’s trying to move you—to a kinder thought, to a better place, to a deeper knowing. It is trying to open up a piece of your heart that you have closed, to soften you in the places where life has left its harshest scars. It is trying to inspire your forgiveness, to meet others in the moment, as they are now. It is trying to help you stop keeping the past alive by maintaining outdated perceptions, and it’s trying to bring you fi rmly into this moment. It’s unnerving to you because it is a messenger, and you have not yet heard what it is trying to say. It is persistent because you need it, even if you don’t want it. It’s here because it intends to grow you, and it won’t pass until you agree to let it stretch you past the tiny conf i nes of a life half-lived. https://t.me/thehabeshagirl

The night I died The night  I died I saw a shooting star, As I laid on the cold grass and the world went quiet, As my heart stopped slowly I star gazed one more time, And I wished for life. At my funeral my mother cried, screaming how much I hated grass. It was Thursday, the last day I spent on this earth. It was rather gloomy for mid July, And a bit dramatic for my liking, I left no note behind, And I burned all my pictures, Only my journal with scribbles of who I was, My best friend included the excerpt from last winter In my eulogy, That was the time I decided that life was not for me. The night I died I felt small, Smaller than a tiny ant, More useless than a speck of dust, My life felt insignificant as a set of extra fingers; Perhaps unique, but still useless. The night I died, I took myself out on a date, Had me a fancy dinner, I did have my fill but it still couldn't fill this gaping hole sucking me in. I had one too many to drink, I laughed with strangers, Danced all the way back home, And found myself lying in my backyard. I left my house open knowing it was all clean and sparkly. The night I died I played my favorite song, I read my favorite poem, And I said my night prayer, Knowing tonight I will sleep to have a dream I'd never wake up from, The night I died I got butterflies in my stomach, I was alone but my loneliness hugged me, I closed my eyes, In hopes I find what I am looking for on the other side. I died, knowing I never lived. @anashtray

Learning to love again, Simple yet profound for me. You, my love, Elevating me, you get me high, love. "I love you," Pleading for my love. And I reciprocate, "I love you too." "You are cherished," A gentle reminder. "Goodnight, my beautiful," Missing you terribly. Your presence on the screen, Thank you for attending my tedtalk. "I love you endlessly," My devotion unwavering. But do they say it at night? I doubt it. "I desire no other declarations," Only yours matters to me. Know this: you are deeply loved, In ways beyond measure. Even if it's all an illusion, I'm in love with it. Yes, you are loved, By me, profoundly. Ewekiw Maybe there is a tiny you in my head because I sound like you

Her Poison It's what reeks of her soul, a perfume for the dead. She is that flower that bees avoid. Snakes tremble from the scent of the blood she leaks, her eyes like meth, crystal clear, a hazel flair, what every addict seeks. A reaper of souls she is, snatching lives, facade she disseminates. My heart she stole with that poison of hers. In between her palms I dance with the devil; like a puppet I serve. I willingly watch the ocean of flames she swims within; I sit quietly on the needles scattered along the shore. I call her your highness, for she is the queen of my miseries, and the sun of my pride. Why would I bleed for her, you ask, for it ain't her fault? She might be death, but she desires to live. If I don't become the immortal shoulder she leans on, the faithful solider she kills, repeatedly; how would my flower bloom? Her poison is my addiction, and her love is my blade; my flower will grow, with my blood, I will pollinate her affliction. -Stoicsoul

L’AMORE TROVA UNA VIA Her: “The fate of the sun is, to like all stars, die.” Him: “But I still want you, I still want you” Her: “The cosmos will then be doomed to eternal darkness” Him: “it’s not done, it’s not over” Her: “it all begun with a bang, but will end with a sad whimper” Him: “l’amore trova una via” Her: “the world will not end in fire but in ice” Him: “okay, I’ll leave now” @ASimpleUserName

Sometimes Sometimes I feel the wind on my skin and it makes me feel alive again Sometimes I hear the birds chirping and I know it’s morning again Sometimes I stare at the wind swaying the trees, the sunrise, and the sunset …and it feeds my soul Some times I am surrounded with laughter, love, and joy …and it makes me feel whole again Sometimes I let go and let the ocean take me where it flows Sometimes I wonder if I am really here or not. By: @afro_belle