nessnote

ek tarfa kisne bola oye 😡 bohot sara love you h from dis side as well

when i watch other people my age, i see that they have this kind of effortless way about them that i don't think i'll ever have. the way they talk to each other and the way they go out and pursue what interests them without having to think twice about it. the way they know how to conduct themselves, the way it all comes so naturally to them, like breathing or swimming or riding a bike. it's like they all have something ingrained in them that i just don't have, and it's so embarrassing and it's fucking killing me.

people speak of this midnight sadness and the sinking feeling that comes when the world has gone quiet. mine arrives at 6:30 in the morning. i wake with something cold and heavy lodged beneath my ribs as if grief has been waiting there all night, feeding. my stomach turns against me. my body feels ugly before i have even opened my eyes. then i cry over everything and spend the day throwing blame at the world because it is easier than asking what in me keeps hurting.

yaar शौक़ mere itne bade bade h and aukat ek rubberband khareedne ki bhi ni

i'm afraid i'm rotten.

the fact that i’m slowly starting to resent almost all my friends but am too much of a coward to confront any of them is such a weird unhealthy place to be in.