Our Side of the Story

Hello :) If you got tons of free time and also love reading books contact @Dobbydoread to join a book club.

It's a lie that things settle with time. It's so far from the truth that it's the opposite. They get much worse, the remorse eats up the guilty. The trauma ripens in the victim. Now we have to act so maturely around each other, at least that's what our beards and leather shoes tell us to do. Wow! Aren't brown polished shoes nice for sweeping things under the rug?

አቋም (couldn’t find a good English alternative, perhaps a firm belief system) You perceive how things work, observe, learn and construct a belief system. Constructing a belief system doesn’t mean you no longer will learn or have your ideologies altered. Your lean towards this belief system should be backed up by exploring, asking questions and contemplation. አቋም ግትርነት አይደለም:: Everyone has the right to believe and stand on something, that something could be on a different spectrum than what you believe in or what you perceive to be right. Growth is understanding individual differences. አቋም የለኝም ማለት አቋም ነው We have this strong tendency to be free, we end up putting ourselves in worse shackles. A rush that comes with defying our roots and how we were raised. If you think you’ll be less miserable by rebelling against society and tradition, lol yeah go for it. በአቋም መጽናትን የመሰለ ነገር የለም! Stay true to what you believe in, defend it and as usual be open to arguments that might shake it enough for you to think about it more.

To the subscribers who’ve been here since the beginning, when I used to post cringe worthy content and all those “MoTiVaTiOnAl” quotes. You guys have my undying respect and gratitude. Thank you for being supportive and learning with me.

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Rants from the still warm. (Almost nonsensical) Love, I would love it if you loosen the knot you use to string my heart along If you sigh your final sigh to sing me one last song If you lie one last lie, A white one, A small one, To free me from my wrongs. If you kiss me one last time, አለ አይደል, A small kiss, A heartfelt one. እንጃ, just enough to let me breathe again, For I miss air as much as your lips. Okay, almost as much. ብቻ, I still see some beauty in it though, The pain. To feel myself clearly even when I felt like I had nothing to gain. Even then. I saw indescribable beauty in it. Even when my throat hurt from fighting back tears, even when I felt insane Even when you almost made me grow wings, even when I faced my sins with shame. I loved every bit of it, cause you were there Tell me though, love. What do you do when you feel the weight of the stars and the moon on your back When the hazardous fumes of your own existence choke the very life out of you, with a fury that you know you lack And you have to love it. Tell me When all the floor you thought you owned betrays your feet all at once and you swing When tears themselves become too expensive to shed, when your ears start to ring And you still have to love it. Tell me. When your bones feel too brittle to carry you, when you no longer see home When your muscles unravel themselves, bit by bit, when you feel too alone. Tell me, what do you do? When you're forced to love it, in hopes of reviving the love you once knew. አሁን አሁን ግን እጅጉን ከበደኝ. መልሱም መልስ አልሆነ, ጥያቄውም ጨነቀኝ. እውነት, love, It's too heavy on me now. It fights to snap me in half, while I fight back to rid myself of it, not knowing the way how. Love, help me, it's too heavy on me now. Michael.

Father, Me again. “If you ask God to give you patience, he’ll put you in more situations that require patience” I don’t remember where I heard this from but it describes where my heart is at now, perfectly. I have stopped keeping track of the time but years counted since I prayed for endless things. “When will you see what I’ve become? When will you remember me?” Is a consistent line in my prayer. Not in a tone of questioning you, never. Just a child crying out to a father. Sometimes I doubt I’m praying right. But when I feel your presence on those nights I’m losing the battle of the will to exist I know you’re still around. So many questions fill my vessels, there’s so much I have to forgive and I know this rigid heart has failed you but I know you’re it for me. And my survival is a beautiful proof for that.

I think about this at least twice a day.

Being responsible and constantly worrying about the endless future is so exhausting, but if you don’t do it, no one would do it for you.

🖤🖤🖤

Growing up and even now living in the days I thought I have healed from my childhood I always have struggled and struggles still with making home in people. And dealing with the excruciating fear of losing that person. I have always been the type to fear human connection because people had the liberty to leave with the home I made in them whenever they want. Being left outweighed the fear of being nurtured and cared for. Found myself Nurturing and caring for that person too. The last couple of months I found myself being faced with that same fear. With the same kind of triggers and unwanted reactions to things. I found myself back where I was as a little kid. The more I thought about it,the more it made me sick. But today I realized something. I have always been so conscious in giving people something worthy enough for them to stay,to love me and to not be compared with anyone else. I failed to recognize the one love that I should never have to feel this way about. The one that didn't require effort to receive love.ይሄድ ይሆን ብለህ የማትጨነቅለት...ቃል እንድትደረድርለት የማይጠብቅ...የማትሰጋበት የማትፈራበት አጣው ይሆን የሚለው ፍርሀት ለሊት ከእንቅልፍህ የማይቀሰቅስህ...ፍቅር ራሱሙሉ እሱነቱ የሆነ...አይኖቹ እየተመለከቱኝ፠ደሙ አሁንም ያለማቋረጥ እየጮኸ how did I forget to see him? How did my legs choose to wonder everywhere but to him while still being ቤቱ ውስጥ? ልቤን ለምን ይህን ያህል ቀለለበት....

Check in on your friends eshi? Hug them well, be open for whatever burden they might come to you with. Bleed their ears with loving words and remind them how much they mean to you.

I sympathize people who are excruciatingly hard on themselves. It’s okay to break, really. It’s okay to go out of routine sometimes and have unplanned days. It’s natural to admit some days you’re weak and you’re not as great as you think you are. It’s okay to be completely clueless. It’s okay to be confused.