nessnote

been yearning for a version of my family that can never exist since i was a kid

ghost karne ke baad kehta tha i have avoidant attachment 🤣🤣🤣

six months ago i could sit with a thousand pages and not once feel the pull of anything else. now i can't open fifty. "the idiot" sits on my table. i bought it with the intention that i would read it over the summer break. the long slow pleasure of a difficult book. and now i look at it and something in me just closes. and i don’t think it’s from disinterest (atleast that's what i keep explaining to myself.) i want to read it desperately. it's that the wanting and the actual sitting down have come apart somehow, and i don't know how to push them back together. i miss it. that silence of being fully inside a book. i remember it well enough to know exactly what i've lost and i think that's what makes it so hard.

zinda hoon lekin woh baat nahi hai

garmi se zyada madarchod mausam maine aaj tak nhi dekha

also why does everyone except me has a cooler in this house?

jab jab jaanlewa garmi hoti h tab tab ye randwe bijli kaat dete h

so jealous of rich people yaar

how i met your mother

cjp valo ka bhi katne vala h soon

call me namak cuz log mujhe zarurat anusar use karte h

light ke alawa kisi ke aana jaane se fark nhi padta ab

woh din dur nhi jab mai iss garmi me evaporate ho jaungi

never going to be normal about this song again