اگزیستانسیال

4:17 so I simply exist here. a muted presence in the dusk. the moon rises, cold and indifferent. the wind whispers through the eaves, but I'll wait. I will be here. I will simply be here as long as it takes.

the days blend into each other. each sunrise, a continuation of the same pale gray. the hours stretching into something endless.

1:59 it's been a long time or maybe no time at all, I don't know what else to do. how else to exist.

من ترسم از اینه که به مو برسه ولی پاره نشه‌. مگه نه پاره شدنو که هر روز تجربه میکنم.

نمیدونم بلند شو داد بزن، انکار کن، بزن، بشکون، هر غلطی که فکرش رو میکنی بکن تا بتونی احساس کنی. هر غلطی.

این موضوع که کاری برای رفع چیزی که آزارمون میده نمیکنیم و صرفا فقط بهش عادت میکنیم تا دیگه برامون آزار دهنده نباشه، به شدت عصبی‌ام میکنه.

"you like me for my personality?" of course. I can get dick anywhere, but mental illness like yours is one of a kind.

life's so strange cuz I was casually seeing edits of my fav characters and acting like a whore back then and now the only thing I'm yearning for is dying.

the second I saw the brightness of the sun, I knew I was gonna get fucked for another day with survival mode on.

I'm just wasting my time wishing everything could go back to how it was and I really don't want to face reality.

I wish I were enough, I was always rather full or empty.

I feel trapped in this body, it feels like a cage for a soul that wants to be anywhere but here, in this stinky rotten piece of decaying flesh and bones.

"you should care about your body" and for what? it's gonna be buried underground and get eaten by ants anyway.

lowkey hate having a body. it's so high maintenance. wash this, eat that, drink this, sleep that. it's all very stupid and pointless.

I dont feel comfortable in my own body.