اگزیستانسیال

i've felt the pain of a brutal war. i feel the pain of a lasting war.

1:27 that everlasting glow that blinds my view, my apathy turns thru and thru. my war inside has drained my will, those things i've done were overkill.

قرار نبود تحمل کنیم. قرار بود تجربه کنیم، لذت ببریم، و حالا فقط باید تلاش کنیم تا زنده بمونیم.

تغییری درکار نیست، تطبیق میشی به چیزی که نباید.

تمام عمرم درحال فرار کردن از چیزی بودم که هستم، و حالا اینجام. همون آدمم، همون چیزی که ازش متنفر بودم.

زندگی یک دفعه به خودش میارتت و میبینی دوباره همون جایی هستی که سگ‌دو میزدی تا ازش دور شی.

i need to go somewhere without myself.

birds singing, wind blowing, sun's rising, everything in its order, but me? i don't think so.

I wish I could once look at my window and enjoy the view instead of fighting the urges to jump from it.

people keep complaining like it's only their lives, bro look at my fucked up one.

"you get used to it" what if i kill myself rn?

4:17 so I simply exist here. a muted presence in the dusk. the moon rises, cold and indifferent. the wind whispers through the eaves, but I'll wait. I will be here. I will simply be here as long as it takes.

the days blend into each other. each sunrise, a continuation of the same pale gray. the hours stretching into something endless.

1:59 it's been a long time or maybe no time at all, I don't know what else to do. how else to exist.