اگزیستانسیال

I really need to be chronically online cuz ain't no way I can handle a single second of being out of the online world.

1:55 is it getting better? why am I so terrified? I want to turn away. it seems the silence kills me. they are not the same. I want to tear away.

I've been so ashamed. my head is heavy with each thought. you are not to blame, the pressure building with each thought.

all I did in these 5 days was pray for something to happen. (the something in question is dying)

we're still alive. (unfortunately)

idk anymore. there are so many possibilities out here and it seems like being surrounded by millions of topics to overthink to the final stages of losing your fucking mind.

but unfortunately, I have things to lose. I have books that I didn't read, songs that I didn't listen to, games I didn't play, and places that I still want to see. even tho I'm literally suicidal, I want to feel alive at least for once and then die in every possible way.

I have nothing to lose atp cuz I put my headphones on at full volume waiting for a cute rocket to hit me in the face.

I thought it couldn't get worse and then I immediately ended up in a war.

2:49 maybe there's no fulfillment, but simply ceasing to try. maybe enough is finally admitting that i'll never be.

the edge is closer than it's ever been, a curtain drawn across the future.

imagine hating on me and I'm just in my room waiting for a rocket to hit me and leave my flesh and bones mixed in the corner of my room.

I wish I had nothing to be attached to it in this world, it makes me feel sick to my stomach about the fact of being chained to this miserable shit we call life.

I'm scared of losing things cuz I went through so many shits to achieve them, even tho I didn't even want to achieve them. but I have them now, and I don't want to lose them at all.