My wife cheated on me 12 years ago, shortly after the birth of one of our children. She contracted a lifelong sexually transmitted infection and passed it on to me. At the time, she claimed the encounter had been against her will and that she was too ashamed to report it to the authorities. I had doubts about her story, but I felt terrible questioning something so serious.
Sometime later, I spoke to one of her friends, who told me a different story. According to her, my wife had been communicating with the man for some time, and the encounter had been consensual.
When I confronted my wife, she insisted that her original story was true and made me feel guilty for questioning her. I eventually stopped asking, but what her friend told me stayed in my mind.
For years, I struggled with the conflicting stories. It affected our marriage because I couldn't fully believe her anymore. Whenever I tried to discuss it, she would usually shut me out.
Eventually, out of anger and resentment, I met a woman at a bar while I was out of town. We started texting and talking on the phone. Nothing physical happened, although I admit that was my intention. I wanted to hurt my wife the way she had hurt me, and I didn't try to hide it.
When my wife found out, she started communicating with one of my best friends, which ultimately destroyed that friendship.
We both stopped what we were doing, but somehow I became the bad guy because of my actions. A couple of years later, after we had another child, I discovered messages on my wife's phone between her and another male friend who had always had a crush on her.
They were flirting, and I learned from their messages that they had kissed when she attended a music festival. When I confronted her, she dismissed it, saying, "It's not that deep."
I suspected I had caught another affair before it went further, but I couldn't prove anything. Now, 12 years after her first affair, I am still struggling with what happened. The betrayal and years of unanswered questions eventually led me to seek therapy. After attending therapy for some time, I decided I wanted a divorce.
And that's when my wife finally admitted the truth. She admitted that her first encounter with the other man had been consensual all along. She said she had lied about what happened because she was afraid of losing me and claimed she only wanted to "protect me."
For 12 years, she allowed me to believe a story that wasn't true. She watched me struggle with doubts, question myself, and suffer over something she knew the truth about. Hearing her confession brought all the pain back. Now she wants us to stay together and work on our marriage.
But I no longer trust her. I don't know how to stay married to someone who could maintain such a serious lie for 12 years, especially knowing how much it was affecting me.
I want a divorce. I just wish I could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm making the right decision.