Tsundoku (積ん読)
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Here to occupy a tiny corner of your heart with underconfident words and overconfident feelings. Turning wandering words into late-night shayris and spoken poetry. Hindi • English • Spoken Poetry • Pop & Rap for spotify handle check the pinned post thanks
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| Date | Subscriber Growth | Mentions | Channels | |
| 01 April | +1 |
Channel Posts
| 2 | 8 | 29 |
| 3 |  No text... | 55 |
| 4 | 7
dw i can do this all day | 53 |
| 5 |  +2Sudhansu vai i just banned 5 of your fans i hope you forgive me
Jokes apart if i see anyone joining with a shady account i would ban it.
guys we cant be this free in this economy to keep doing this like why are you so upset in your life? | 66 |
| 6 |  +7No text... | 12 |
| 7 | Reliving my childhood through him
My uncle bought my brother a new gaming laptop—Lenovo 4050, i7, 16GB, 13th gen, 512 SSD—for around 85k (base price, excluding extended warranty and everything).
And he’s in like… 4th grade?
I mean, what is he even going to do with it 😭😭
But then I saw his face, smiling with pure happiness and joy and I saw myself in him.
I used to be so desperate to play games on my cousins’ laptops and PCs while growing up. We couldn’t afford it back then. I remember once I logged into my mama’s old television-looking computer just by watching others. I figured it out on my own. But my mom beat me for it because she thought I broke it. She got scared since we couldn’t afford to fix any damage.
Anyway, coming back to my uncle—I smiled and said to him,
“Do you remember you’re the one who went to the store with me to buy my first PC? I was as happy as he is right now.”
I was genuinely happy for him. Computers and games are a big part of my childhood, and I know how much my brother wants to play, just like I did. He always comes to me and asks me to let him play. I think I’ll miss him coming to me just to play Minecraft now.
It feels like I’m back in 2014, when I got my first computer and installed Vice City—the game I had only seen others play. I barely got to play it myself when I visited my nani and bua’s place.
The joy in my brother’s eyes was unreal—literally bursting out of him. He was so overwhelmed with happiness, asking questions nonstop:
“Bhaiya, ye kaise hoga?”
“Wo kaise hota hai?”
“Kaunsa game khelein, batao na?”
And I used to do the exact same thing.
I’m glad he gets to experience these years. He’ll play games, make friends who play the same ones, and have things to talk about. I wonder what stories he’ll share, what he’ll learn, what kind of friends he’ll make, how many times his friends will come over to play together.
And when I see all of that happening in front of me, it’ll feel like I’m reliving my childhood again.
I can’t wait to ask him in my late 40s about these days. I’ve never been this happy before—it feels like I won somehow.
Gaming has always been a culture among the kids in my family. The first game he asked me to download was RDR2. I mean, I suggested Spider-Man, but he insisted. And honestly, who am I to tell a curious person where to start?
These few years of gaming are so golden. I wish I could live them again, but I guess I’ll have to settle for watching my brother live them for me.
It’s such a good day. I can’t even explain how many emotions it triggered in me—so many things I still can’t put into words.
So if someone asks me now,
“When was the last time you were genuinely happy?”
I’ll tell them about today.
4.1.2026 | 61 |
| 8 | Thank you | 45 |
| 9 | Someday you will and i would cross your mind but i want you to know i hold no resentment towards you | 46 |
| 10 | i know you are not mature enough to understand what made me the way i am, i didnt choose to be like this but i dont hate it because it was a necessity a price i had to pay to remain kind even when people ask me not to | 47 |
| 11 | and it damaged a part of me to the extent that if you try to attack me i will not say a word | 44 |
| 12 | i have been told harsh things, i was framed i cried in hospital the surgical pain didnt hurt much but the brutality in words did | 42 |
| 13 | Trust me now when people intentionally attack me for my health i just pity them and it saddens me to realize i was like this once too, i just listen i do not feel anything. A friend told me i am not the person she meet 3 years ago i mean obvious ? | 40 |
| 14 | Thank you madhur | 62 |
| 15 | Have some empathy when you read this
i am sure most of us went through it, personally i did
i had joy knowing my friends came to visit me in delhi
I experienced Turmoil when their behaviour suddenly change towards me and i was confused why they are acting that way, i was in conflict explaining myself that they must be busy
i went through despair when i was slapped with reality tons of calls post surgery, lots of texts begging finally breaking to the point that i suffered anxiety panic attacks shivering heavy breathing chest pain
depression, aching for human presence among these walls
i Surrender to the situation it was suffocating, i cried stopped talking a part of me changed i became suicidal to the point where i just stay among friends ( he talks about it too ) family the people who were always there and felt nothing my body got used to this pain so much that now my body thinks it's normal for me, i felt absolutely nothing numbness i was forcing a smile and it got obvious to my cousins, i really miss Adarsh bhaiya who always cheered me up when he noticed i am going through something but cant say it out loud, tushant bhaiya took me outside.
it took good amount of crying 2 months 9 days to be precise i finally got detached i made peace with it that whatever happened to me so far wasnt in my control so i started removing myself from the tables who made fun of my venerability. you can joke about it, but the moment you use to attack me. it's over
i joke about my lungs all the time, you know i can do this because i was all alone with myself so i understand the depth of it, just because i am doing it i am not giving you consent to do the same because you dont know the depth of the ocean so be mature. it's funny how people say but you do it too so what it matter if someone else do it?
buddy the fact that you dont understand why i can and you cant is the reason that you shouldnt but i will still explain you, i normalize it for myself because i had been there with me all alone in a room so dont fucking act like you understand a thing to joke about it, because when i joke i keep awareness of how low i can go, and it's my ilness wether i cry about it or joke about doesnt give you consent to do so in any shape or form and i know you are mature enough to understand. feel free to joke about it
In order to joke about something, you have to understand it. there is a reason i do not joke about someone else diseases because i dont know how it would affect them but i dont judge them either when they do it themselves i am mature enough to understand every aspect and reason that forced them to do so,
you only saw me joking about it but have you even bothered to consider why? I came out alive from hell handled my self in depression didnt kill myself no matter how many times i wanted to
now be the half a person i am and i will let you joke about everything but where i stand you dont even come close
you dont understand that these jokes came after losing something so valuable in me,
this vedio is relatable to me and i personally love madhur as a comic because he lost his father at it's early stage in life and i can imagine the horrors we must have been through to normalize it in future it's a sign of a bravery courage and reliance, so everytime i joke i remind myself that i defeated something who tried to eat me away
and finally Serenity
when despair ended along with surrender i woke up one day and promised to myself i will fix every single thing which wrong in me i got out of bed started experimenting recording editing spending time with myself and the peace i had while doing this made me realize that there are so many thing i can do right now instead of crying about those who made me go through but what i am today is the symbol that i won in life and it's only the start | 66 |
| 16 | Joy → attachment begins
Turmoil → conflict and confusion
Despair → emotional breaking point
Surrender → acceptance without control
Serenity → peace after release
talked about sex education, explained what hormonal changes are for any youth in any gender
Long ago i remember someone told me isnt stand ups are just podcasts with abusive words?
i hope they are reading this today and make sometime to watch this
"Madhur stands true to the fact that art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable... He talked about depression, emotial aspects of a relationship along with giving the sex ed. And many more crucial but taboo topics with being able to tickle the funny bones." | 68 |
| 17 |  Make some time to watch this | 68 |
| 18 | Only quality people know that he wasnt doing comedy | 67 |
| 19 | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X035AnATXfQ | 72 |
| 20 |  Be kind | 80 |
