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Repost from AMU Confessions
🔥 Confession #1107
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For confession #1090
I have written this as comment under ur confession but let me write it here again so the author searching for meaning since its longer read it when u have time. for better grammer and spelling i have used ai to edit but its all my feeling and tought in it and am orthodox
First of all, I really want to appreciate you. Not because you want to become atheist, and not because you’re losing interest in being Protestant — but because you’re doubting what everyone else accepts blindly. Because you’re searching for meaning instead of just chasing something eye-catching. Because you’re honest enough to analyze your own feelings and ask yourself whether something is wrong when you don’t feel what others seem to feel.
When I read your confession, I’m not lying — I felt that you’re a mature person, someone in a transition stage of life. You’re questioning, you’re searching for meaning, even while surrounded by loud voices and confident answers. And when you said “I felt guilty for not feeling what I was supposed to feel” — that really hit me.
Bro, you don’t need to feel like others. God doesn’t want you to copy emotions, sing songs louder, or repeat words with your mouth. What God wants is your heart searching for Him, wanting to be with Him, wanting to believe honestly. Not acting holy, not performing worship — but being real. And from what you wrote, that’s exactly what you’re trying to offer.
I’m not supporting or blaming your idea of becoming atheist. But I truly believe that every person should search for the One who created them by themselves, not through borrowed faith. And if you go to any religion — Protestantism, Orthodoxy, or any other — you’ll always find people inside it. Those people are shaped by culture, ego, habits, and personal behavior, and sometimes they end up shaping religion around themselves instead of letting meaning shape them. That’s why religion can start feeling empty and repetitive.
People who are maturing, people in transition like you, will question these things. That’s not weakness — that’s growth.
But in my belief, becoming atheist might stop that journey. It may remove the pressure you feel right now, yes — but it can also halt your searching, your exploration, your growth, and your chance to truly know the Creator. The emptiness might quiet down for a while, but it won’t be filled just by stopping the search.
What I’d suggest instead is this:
You already analyze the vibe, the emotions, the repetition in your church — now go deeper. Ask: What is really being worshiped? On what foundation does this faith stand? What makes it different? Where is the meaning? But don’t look for answers only in what people say or do in church. Look in books, history, silence, and your own heart. God speaks to people who genuinely search for Him.
Start from Protestantism if that’s where you are — but search differently this time. Then, without changing your belief, you can also explore other traditions, like Orthodoxy — not by copying people, but by seeking meaning. Every place has people shaped by culture and ego, but meaning exists deeper than that if you look for it yourself.
Finally, I want to appreciate you again. Many people live peacefully without questioning anything close to them — that’s not peace, that’s being closed-minded. Questioning is scary. Being different brings fear, pressure, even insults from those who walk blindly. But keep going — just stay open-minded, honest, and careful not to be led by ego or other people’s voices
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