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Writing isn't just a hobby, it's a necessity. It's a form of exorcism to purge out all the internal disturbance.
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426
Afraid of missing out?
You can get opportunities twice but not your time. So don't let that fear hold you back from making a decision. Don't waste your time wishing you had more time. Make use of what you might lose, instead of grieving over what you don't have.
Don't let your fear of losing a probable future ruin the present, if the definite present is lost then there's less than a probable future.
[I needed to hear this more than anybody else.]
426
It's so astonishing how blind people comprehend depth. We often rely on the size and hierarchy of visual elements to comprehend space and depth. But take that aid away and we are left with less familiar senses. If I want to articulate or understand something thoroughly, I wouldn't go for sound. I first have to see everything laid out visually for my mind to absorb complex information.
Sighted people don't usually use our bodies, we're just desensitized. I wonder what the experience of a blind person is, I believe they use their body to sense their surroundings.
We determine depth by shades of a color, by hierarchies of objects, by the spectrum between the extremes... And the same way- between our ears and the silence, between our mind and what it can't comprehend, between the tangible and the unknown.
426
Close-mindedness as a Rebellion and as People pleasing
If you block the soil above where the planted seed grows, that doesn't mean the seed will not grow. It will simply find another way, some crevice to emerge through. That's nature; it's a natural instinct to carve the way to fit your frame, to make something out of everything, to adjust, to persist.
When rebellion is shut down before it even starts it doesn't just disappear. It could manifest as a stubborn refusal to engage with anything outside the walls built to keep that rebellion contained.
Close-mindedness isn’t always about arrogance or unintelligence. Sometimes, it’s self-preservation. A defense against vulnerability, confrontation, or the risk of being wrong. If as a child, rebellion (could be self expression) wasn’t an option, then closing myself off became the next best thing. Maybe it was easier to reject new ideas than to realize the ones I clung to were never really mine in the first place.
And sometimes, it’s not just about rebellion. It’s about wanting to be accepted. If pleasing others meant keeping quiet, agreeing without question, shaping myself into something that fit their expectations, then why would I ever risk breaking that mold? Why would I entertain ideas that could make me unacceptable to the people I needed approval from?
That need for being accepted and self-preserving rebellion turns into a kind of self-imposed rigidity. It becomes second nature to resist anything that threatens the box I built to feel safe.
426
Of the things I read long ago that still linger in my head is Lao Tzu's poem "the uses of Not :"
'Hollowed out,
A clay makes a pot.
The use of the pot
Is where the pot is not.'
426
We see far-until no further, we think deep-until no surface, we hear more until less until a silence...
Our ever unsettling wonder finds its settlement between our ears and the silence, between our mind and what it can't comprehend, between our eyes and what it can't see... and with every little wonder, we are wondering about eternity.
We only know silence because we have ears, and maybe the purpose of thought is to comprehend the limit of our comprehension.
426
The truth is not the 'other' but the 'better'. There is hierarchy in this world and you can't take everything equally or stay indifferent from and tolerant of everything.
426
Delayed action
Do you procrastinate knowledge? Storing a list of 'To Be Inquired?' topics which you most likely would never get to...
And those lists gradually accumulate to become topics you think you know about when you actually don't, creating a gap between your assumptions and true knowledge.
This could translate as not being able to provide any proof to your claim because you haven't inquired depth, and knowing what someone's talking about but being ineligible to get involved because your assumptions of what you think you know got mixed up with what you actually don't.
(That delay of action could be a result of my short attention span, or my dissociated sense of time, or my misplaced priorities...)
You're just not attentive and present during interactions. This is one major hindrance that contributes to my social anxiety. Who thought one unanswered silly question could cause such a turbulence in your reality...
426
Egocentrism and Postponed childhood
Children are egocentric, not selfish but egocentric because they experience the world directly as their emotional skills are still developing. It's a natural stage in their development process.
But what happens when you stretch that duration? When your childhood was postponed and bleeds over to later years? It was never experienced fully, but stored for 'when the time comes'.
It was pure child's egocentrism but when you couldn't grow out of it when you should, when a part of you is postponed, it glows a different color. It gets muddled through time, no longer natural.
