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هرکس بدون حضور دیگری / t.me/loyrex

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now i'm stuck in a humanity recycling of empathy, agony and a heavy chest of 28 kilograms that i carry everyday.

it all beings in my 13 and should've been ended exactly there as well.

i had lots the ability of knowing if i deserve something or not when i was in 13.

spend most of my nights trying to convince myself one day my life will be worth living.

i was on the wrong page of the wrong book with the wrong rendition of the wrong hook. made the wrong move every wrong night with the wrong tune played til it sounded right.

i was marching to the wrong drum with the wrong scum, pissing out the wrong energy. using all the wrong lines and the wrong signs with the wrong intensity.

it was the wrong plan in the wrong hands with the wrong theory for the wrong man. the wrong eyes on the wrong prize, the wrong questions with the wrong replies.

there's something wrong with me chemically, something wrong with me inherently. the wrong mix in the wrong genes, i reached the wrong ends by the wrong means.

i was born with the wrong sign in the wrong house with the wrong ascendancy. i took the wrong road that led to the wrong tendencies. i was in the wrong place at the wrong time for the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme. on the wrong day of the wrong week, i used the wrong method with the wrong technique.

جدی احساس میکنم توی یک تئاتر بزرگ زندگی میکنم از بس همه درحال نقش بازی کردن هستن.

sorry for being weird and unstable. it will happen again so prepare yourself for even worse.

let me get the permissions from my brain about it cause if he doesn't like it, he will fuck me up for the rest of my life because of it.

sometimes i ask my brain that what are we for each other bc we're everything and nothing at the same time to each other.

the idea of trying to know me better is to reserve a lobotomy section after it.

all this going through hell and back for what? surviving another day? what's next? tomorrow? fuck no.

i would really like a break. idk from what tho but i can feel the need of it in my flesh and bones.

this is how my mood changes in a day: