Spoken English by Neetu Singh

There were three nuns. They all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest said, "okay, do your sins, come back, and I'll absolve you." So they went to do their sins and came back to get absolved The priest asked the first one, who was laughing what her sin was. She said, "I had s** with a guy." The priest said, "okay, blessed her and said, go drink some holy water." So she did. The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun." So he says, "okay," blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did. The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And as she was laughing, she said, "I spat in the holy water."

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people, she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her—“Hello” “How are you! We’ve been waiting for you!” “Good to see you.” When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?” “You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her, “Which word?”, The woman asked. “Love.” “The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. “About two years later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the ones coming to Heaven that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. “I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?” “Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. My wife and I travelled all around the world. “We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. “How do I get in?” “You have to spell a word,” the woman told him. “Which word?”, her husband asked. “Czechoslovakia.” The wife replied.

A man caught a bird, and the bird said to him, "Release me, and I will give you three valuable pieces of advice. I will give you the first when you let me go, the second when I fly up to that branch, and the third when I fly up to the top of the tree."  The man agreed, and let the bird go. The bird said, "Do not torment yourself with excessive regret for mistakes."  The bird then flew up to a branch and said, "Do not believe anything that goes against common sense, unless you have first-hand proof."  And then the bird flew up to the top of the tree and said, "You are a fool. I have two huge jewels inside of me, and if you had killed me instead of letting me go, you would have had them." " Oh man," the man said, "How can I have been so stupid? I am never going to get over this. Bird, can you at least give the third piece of advice as a consolation?"  The bird replied, "I have been hoaxing you, and now you are asking for more advice! You have already disregarded the first two pieces of advice that I had given to you. I told you not to torment yourself with excessive regret for mistakes, and I told you not to believe things that go against common sense unless there is some kind of first-hand proof, and yet you just tormented yourself with excessive regret for letting me go, and you also believe that somehow that there are two jewels inside a tiny bird like me ! So here is your third piece of advice. "If you are not using what you know, why are you so intent to seek what you do not know? "

While the Sikhs celebrate Vaisakhi across India; rest of India wonders if it is about doing Bhangra and dancing. No, it is not; Baisakhi holds a lesson for all Indians, especially in this day and age... So this day in 1699, a congregation of people from all across India was standing there listening to their Guru, Sree Gobind Rai. Gobind Rai asked for self sacrifice by five men. Five men from different castes from different parts of India stood up from the crowd of thousands. - A shopkeeper, Baniya called Daya Ram from Lahore - A farmer, Jat called Dharam Das from Meerut - A so called low-caste water carrier, called Himmat Rai from Jagannath Puri, Odisha - A tailor,of Cheemba caste called Mukham Chand from Dwarka, Gujarat - A barber, of Naai caste called Sahib Chand from Bidar, Karnataka With his choice of disciples from five different corners of India, Gobind Rai ji visualised the national dream... from the coast of Gujarat along Western Arabian Sea to coasts of Odisha along the Bay of Bengal; from the great Plains of Punjab to the the Gangetic Plain and then onto the Deccan peninsula covering Karnataka. Do not forget that at that time, all these were separate states; it was Guru Gobind Singh ji that thought of all of them as one... this Baisakhi day of 1699. With the choice of disciples from five different caste-groups, he visualised an integrated class-less society. The five were named as the First Five Khalsa Sikhs, and the five in turn named their Guru as the sixth. Gobind Rai was now Gobind Singh ji. All caste names and surnames were dropped, & a common surname was proposed for all Indians across India; a surname that denoted a caste-less, class-less creed of men willing to sacrifice themselves for the nation and against injustice. And the swaroop he chose for the class-less people was an amalgamation of the ancient Indian thought of Rishis (as mentioned by Guru Gobind Singh in the Sarbloh Granth) and the Kshatriya tradition of Warriors, hence the Jooda, the hair and the Talwar. The concept of Miri-Piri was coded in the dress-system of this new society envisioned by him. A group of people who were strong in Miri (Physical Strength and material possessions) and Piri (Spiritual Strength and humility) So, the five so called lower castes were given the temporal strength of a Rishi (a Brahmin citadel till then ) and the Physical responsibilities of a Kshatriya (a duty till then limited to the Rajputs). This motley group of people uprooted Afghan and Mughal rule from entire North India from the Yamuna to the Khyber pass, such was the power of this vision. And this was the Indian that he envisioned from the five corners of the nation of his vision. Guru Gobind Singh ji was a visionary par excellence. Awake India, awake to his vision. Leave those caste barriers, acquire knowledge, be strong in body and be a Khalsa in spirit. Your religion doesn't matter. Khalsa is a state of mind, not just a religion. Happy Baisakhi...

Photo from Neetu Singh

Eid ka Chand Mere balcony se

*Strange but true !!!!* 1 - Inspite of so many colours - White is considered Class. 2 - Inspite of so many voices & sounds - Silence is considered ultimate. 3 - Inspite of so much to eat - Fasting is considered healthy. 4 - Inspite of having many places to travel & explore - Meditating in solitary place is considered superior. 5 - Inspite of so much to see - Closing your eyes & looking within is Apex. 6 - Inspite of listening to all the outside world - Voice from inside you is eternal. 7 - Inspite of a sweet charming life - A Peaceful Soul is Solace & Divine. Trust your Senses... Live a Great Life🙏

One day a female bird said to her partner, "Will you ever leave me and fly away?" The male bird said, "If I fly away, you can catch me." The female bird said, "I can catch you but I cannot get you back." Hearing this, the male bird had tears in his eyes. He broke his wings and said, "Now we will always be together. I will never leave you." Then one day there was a strong storm and all the bird decided to leave that place. Then the male bird said to his partner, "You leave, I cannot fly." The female bird said, "Okay, take care of yourself" and she flew away. When the storm settled down the female bird came back and saw that the male bird was dead. He had written a note for her on the branch of the tree, "I wish you had told me once that I cannot leave you. Then may be I would not have died before the storm came." Moral: Today relationships are mostly based on practical requirements rather than emotions. one will love you but may not support you in times of trouble. Hence build relationships thoughtfully. While choosing a partner, focus on character instead of appearance.

Once a girl won a lottery worth Rs 5 crore. The company thought that if she was told suddenly about the great fortune she will soon get, the girl might die or go in shock. The company gave the task to an old Baba to tell the girl about the money she will soon receive in such a way that she does not go into shock. The old Baba went and said to the girl, "Imagine what you would do if you win a lottery of five crores? "Baba, I will marry you and love you all my life and not only this, I will also give you half the reward." The girl chuckled . . . . Baba's heart failed and he died of Cardiac arrest.