On the Spectrum

Hech qachon hech qanaqa vaksina hali autizmni keltirib chiqarishi aniqlanmagan! Bolalarni emlamaslik hayotiga juda katta xavf tug'diradi. Oddiy ko'rinadigan chechak'lardan ham vaksinasiz nobud bo'lishi mumkin. Autizmni hali nima keltirib chiqarishini hech kim bilmaydi. Bola autizm bilan tug'iladi, keyinchalik 2-3 yoshga borganda o'zidan o'zi autizm yuqib yoki shakllanib qolmaydi. Qisqasi shu hozircha.

I'm doing fencing this semester. One of the best decisions I have ever made!

Similar category. Even though I couldn't keep myself from not reading this book, I don't recommend reading this to other people. It is just that hurtful. But really powerful. @on_spectrum

Update on my fav corner) @on_spectrum

about my last day at work. the clinical director came to me, and thanked me truly that i have been independent, reliable, dependable therapist past 3 months, and gave me her business card for future purposes. my eyes got teared up with every kid i was working with during the day. then my friend at the clinic announced that there was going to be a farewell party for me. there were all of the kids with their therapists. and they sang a goodbye song to me. i was truly tearing up, crying. the song was really sad. i gave big hugs to every single kid. my coworkers. the chief executive officer brought me to her room and did an exit interview. she said, my supervisors and client leads only talked good and positive things about me, and the fact that i am always welcome in the clinic and i will be missed. then i was in our break room. every single coworker of mine came to me personally and wished me all the best. they said, they love me for what i have done, how i have influenced everybody, that i truly am a great therapist in such a short period. i truly made a lot of friends. really good friends. my friends at work made my last day special. "please, don't be a stranger" "oh, you're leaving. it would be really strange not to see you again at work" "you are a great therapist, please continue" "i love your energy, your effort and everything you brought to the clinic. i love you as a friend" "i am glad that i got a chance working with you" "you are a leader. you are a natural, keep doing what you are doing" "thank you for your effort you put in building these friendships" "we will miss you, please stop by every now and then" "you are still welcome for our board game nights" "kids will miss you" "your presence and energy in the clinic made really good changes, thank you" everybody spoiled me. yeah, the job is hard. mentally, physically, emotionally. but passion always wins. we love our job. we love being a therapist. being the kids' trusted people. because we care. we do. they taught me how i can professionally use my care for children. i am truly grateful for everything they gave me, experience, friendships. supervisors. great team, great people, great children. @on_spectrum

Should I write a long-read about being a child therapist for 3 months? Tomorrow is my last day being a therapist on paper. But I'll always be a therapist, sometimes my own, sometimes my friends' and family's, sometimes Yours)

For the first time a kid called me "mommy".. I can't describe how it felt. It was a feeling I have never felt before. I was working with my little kid, and one of the 3-year-olds called me "mommy" and his teacher prompted him to say my name. He did not. After probably 20 minutes, he came to me and decided to sit on my lap while I was on rocking chair. He hugged me and asked me to rock the chair. He is one of our newest kids. And one of my own kids came to me out of nowhere while I was doing my notes, and sat on my lap, and started hugging me. He is so adorable. He always does this almost every time he sees me. And one of my little kids got really tired and sleepy. While I was changing his pull-up, he rested his head on my shoulder and falling asleep in my arms. Even though I had the thoughest day today, I'm glad there were some little things that kept me sane during the day. I love this part of being a child therapist. I'm going to miss them a lot. @on_spectrum

yaratilganlarning har biri go'zal.. @on_spectrum

i can't believe i'm leaving work this week. but i'll always be the therapist. some of my kids' favorite therapist.

Everyday I come home from work smelling like kids, diaper, wet wipes, and some food. This is what happens when you work with kids whole day)

this used to be a dream. now it came true🌻✨ @on_spectrum

at the clinic, we don't say "kids copy each other". we say: "monkey see, monkey"😂

looking at the bright side. from my recent posts you would think that my job would only include difficulty, too much physical work, too much mental and physical strength. sometimes it is true. there are always hard days. there are always days that i come home and cry. not because i am mentally tired. but because i can't just save kids in this short amount of time. they can hurt me without doing it on purpose. but there are always good days. you see your kids making progress (yeah, i call them "my kids" because they are, i don't spend as much time as i do with any other people). you see your kids doing things independently, talking more, using their functional words more, laughing more, getting comfortable with you, trusting you. today i was with my other kid, and one of my kids in the room came to me and gave a me hug. he is such a hugger. he always comes to me and gives hugs. it's just pure joy. when i see my kids on the floor while i am not working with them, and then i say hi to them all the time. but when they wave at me as a response to my hi, there is no other person in the entire world who is happier than me. seeing their step by step slow progress from outside is amazing feeling. one day you just teach them a new skill. they can't do it. they require full physical prompts. the other day you slow it down and when they get the gist of it, you use partial physical prompts. then you start fading your prompts. at the end, they will master the skill. it's actually amazing. it really is. i have one sleepy guy. when he is tired, he rests his head on my shoulder, covers himself with the blanket, and closes his eyes. then i forget that he is a kid with ASD, but he is just a kid. just a "normal" little human being. i don't think i would ever forget any of this after I leave them. yes, the job is hard. but the reward you get is immense. and even though sometimes you cry over someone's kid, that kid would feel like your own and give you joy more than you think at first. @on_spectrum

today i saw "normal" kids playing and wished my kids could play like that only once.. we went to the park outside with the clinic kids. we were applying sunscreen on all of them, putting their safety vests, straight on the lines, holding their bags and clickers with us. because we still need to run targets even though we were playing outside. sometimes it hurts to see them not being able to play in the park like every other kid. then there is this middle school. a bunch of middle schoolers were playing basketball and red light, green light a bit farther from our kids. they were just playing but our kids were always under instructor control. i don't know why it hurt me a little and made me wish they could play just like them for a moment. it hurt me maybe a little more than that. but you know what, seeing them outside with other kids is also a bit refreshing to my eyes. because we are working with them to get to the point where they can thrive in this world without a lot of assistance. but i'm proud of my kids behaving so well at the park, playing, having a bit more fun. @on_spectrum

i haven't explained one point in my therapy. i don't punish children. we are not allowed to give punishment procedures to kids by Minnesota law. sometimes kids bite me, hurt me, punch me in the face, hit me. but still, i don't punish them. because there is always a reason behind these acts. they engage in these behaviors because they can't explain what they want, or i can't understand what they want. they can be sensorily overwhelmed, overstimulated, sleep deprived, scared, hungry, any kind of environmental or mental triggers can be the reason. therefore i take some time alone to analyze the reason behind it. then i look at my relationships with the closest people i have, family, friends. do i sometimes punish them unconsiously? do i put them in attention extinction? do i punish them by not calling, telling the truth inside me? i do. i punish people because they make me uncomfortable, uneasy, anxious, upset, or anything like that. but should i consider the reason behind it before taking that offensive? absolutely. ignoring, putting people in attention extinction, not talking to them, not communcating with them, not asking how they are in the first place before all of that drama happen is considered punishment. i don't think we want to punish our loved ones. i think we just need to find how to express our needs and wants and anything that are making us uneasy. because behaviors do not happen without a reason. there is always something behind it. @on_spectrum

i haven't explained one point in my therapy. i don't punish children. we are not allowed to give punishment procedures to kids by Minnesota law. sometimes kids bite me, hurt me, punch me in the face, hit me. but still, i don't punish them. because there is always a reason behind these acts. they engage in these behaviors because they can't explain what they want, or i can't understand what they want. they can be sensorily overwhelmed, overstimulated, sleep deprived, scared, hungry, any kind of environmental or mental triggers can be the reason. then i look at my relationships with the closest people i have, family, friends. do i sometimes punish them unconsiously? do i put them in attention extinction? do i punish them by not calling, telling the truth inside me?

Now I'm feeling deeper how much harder my work is than I thought it would. Today at work, we had to evacuate all kids because one of the kids engaged in serious barrier behaviors. I got hit three on the face just because the kid was upset and couldn't explain why he was upset. My colleague got a hug bruise on her arm just because the kid did not get what he wanted. My other colleague got a big cut on her face just because the kid was couldn't regulate herself. I'm talking about one day. Now imagine how many kids, how many days there are. Sometimes it gives chills to my bones. At least we are trying our best. @on_spectrum

Sometimes the empath inside me come home with all the brokenness from work. Sometimes it's hard not to feel sad for the kids while they are clearly suffering in front of you. Sometimes it's hard to hide your teary eyes while working. You're breaking inside but you have to smile and keep your steady tone outside. Sometimes it's just hard. @on_spectrum

summer used to be the worst season ever until now. it's still about heat but there is this beautiful side of summer exists calmly. how is summer going? @on_spectrum

never seen such a beautiful summer. the red barn is real. the bee on the flower is real. water lilies are real. the beautiful side of life. @on_spectrum