ስናስብ *አለ አይደል....*

From all defining matters i included in my defined personality i am always disappointed at myself that i leave anger out. But what can i do it doesn't define me i do not get angry easily or at all.. Even if i did how i react is not how i wanted to react.. How i react has an element of self sabotaging.. But anger is not supposed to be menaced that way.. The right way to show anger is by acting out regardless of the degree at which someone reacts that can really demonstrate how boiled up the anger was or for how long it has been held in.. But through all this scribble i only wanted to express the understanding i achieved that Anger is not a bad emotion or disastrous for oneself. however it is the reverse, anger is the best emotion a human have.. It is a blessing of mind that cares about one individual's self care.. Anger says you deserve better..anger says they're hurting you but I'm here to tell you that you can save yourself from being used or manipulated.. So i believe anger is the only emotion that stands for one self.

Letting go has never been my strong suit Not just for the people i had closure with But with ideas i came across along the way Mistakes i pretended i forgot the second day But well forgiving has never a problem it is just that i know what they did last time in the back of my mind and the addition algebra i did in noting it all down However good deeds done to reconcile the wrong my brain knows how to hide And it ain't my fault i brought it up on the next mess they made and conversation wasn't an option Yea, my neurons were in motion to dig past reneges In order to have an updated notion But it disappoints me for draining my energy in analyzing all the challenges of the person If they are worth hurting for or not But it also coats me with defense from unendurable heartbreak Which is why i like it So i say forgive but do not forget

Sometimes i wonder how i would paint my life if i was a painter. i even wonder how much of black colour i could have used. It's paleness and depth of it's shade I also see so many dimming lights Shadowed by fear Washed by tears Suffocated by anxiety And blurred by shame I wonder if there is any straight line cause i never saw myself found but lost and rambling for a saviour I can't make peace with the colour that depicts wanting to be saved but not wanting help Accepting oneself's powerlessness but denying the existence of the powerful Unhealing God complex making me susceptible to being society's judgement tool Maybe another shade of black could illustrate the illusion of creating oneself in the lies of fitting with those of the same age or with the standards of society to be seen as a well deserving individual of the trend At the same time burying the true self Killing the existence knotting childhood and the anomalies that created this unique backbone of a personality What colour paints the picture of having the passion to write one's own name in history books but passing on that passion due to health issues, financial issues and life's cruelty and forcefulness to push someone through the uncomfortable and unneeded career paths I wonder how i will depict my trust on colleagues that is as fragile as a life on a rope And how open of a door could show my my hate for people and my pickiness on the people i let in Which shade of red is able to draw the most possible pain i felt cause of culture biased parental guidance and the bruises i had on my back before i got to school on monday mornings The fears that i faced to the point I'm still jumpy and a runner when a hard talk starts And the strange coping mechanisms i developed to run from that aliveness wrecking experiences and the way those coping mechanisms shaped me as a person I believe this all would give a magnificent portrayal of an art to hang on the wall And every time someone sees it no doubt they would say this is painted by a depressionist

Tied up hands to be unravelled in Patience And likkle drop of hope From rise to set and set to rise burning with mania unaware of how to cope

አሁን ላይ ቆሜ የአቅሜን ሞክሬአለው ወይስ አልሞከርኩም ብዬ መመለስ አልችልም ምክንያቱም ራስሽ ነሽ ያደረግሽው የመቻል አጥንቴን ቅልጥም አቃለው ያለሽው አንድ ስልክ ብቻ ፈቅ ብለሽ ነው ግን ባገኝሽ ከዛ ቡሃላ መመለሻው የስሜት ማዕበል የሚያናውጠው ውቂያኖስ መሻገር ነው ለሱ ነኝ አቅመ ቢስ ቢሆንም ድምፅሽ ያለ አቅሜ ናፍቆኛል አባ ስትይኝ የነበረው ሰላም ከትዝታ ማዶ ሆኖ ርቆኛል ችላ የማለት ብርታቴም ዛሬ ንቆኛል ግን ሌላ ብርታት የማጣበት ቀን ከሚመጣ ለመድሚያ ብዕሬ ቀርቦኛል

Losing power to you shouldn't be painful, however every minute you had me waiting for your text felt like an invisible knife thrown into my heart.. Nothing bleeding out but clotting in every fragments of my body...paralyzing me with pain and more neediness making me more desperate and weary and cynical.... In hunger and paradox of indecisiveness whether i should try harder or let go

Crazy right?😂 BTW “Aljebra” is the invention of a muslim mathematician called Al-khawarizmi. N “aljebra” itself is derived from his famous book “kitab aljebr welmuqabela (arabic) , The compendious book on calculation by completion and balancing (english)” When Europe was in the dark ages there was a dazzling civilization in the the Islamic world, Ibn-alhaithem discovered how we see n invented the “camera obscura, pin hole camera” n he was the first to develope the “scientific method” n other many discoveries, inventions, developments But the world says “Newton is the father of optics”, “Leonardo Da Vinci is the first scientist”... Pseudo-discoveries! 0,1,2,4,5,6,7,8,9 r hindu-arebic nos No way Europe had invented every thing, india, africa, asia... all hv participated to build the world we r in now so...🙂

Lastly I was gotten into a bizzare thought, “is the variable in the equation 3x+2=8 really unknown? I mean, whatever time it takes us to know its value, it remains unknown till that. But it's known for x is just a substitute, perhaps if we imagine x is from a number family, which satisfies the equation, that x means 2 ( 2 ተቆላምጣ ስትፃፍ ‘x’), the thing would be over from the begining, thus since x is nothing rather a symbol for a known thing, there's no reason for x to not be known. X is unknown yet known and known yet unknown! Ofcourse if we use to repeat that at 3x+2=8, x equals 2, we can know what xs value is just without any calculation, but the equation is my representation for a (question based thinking).” ማሰብ ጥያቄ ሲኖር ብቻ አይደለም...