untethered thoughts

And there exists a word for throwing someone out the window.

Shouldn't there be a word for the second-hand enjoyment you get from watching others enjoy things, especially when it's sometimes even more enjoyable seeing others enjoy it?

Missing Gondar.

This year has been "a slow drip of miseries" as my friend put it, and here's my cup of lessons i got from it: - Remember to be kind to yourself: sometimes the meanest villian in your life could be just you. - Don't take anything  your brain tells you seriously, when you're down annd depressed. (Don't put it past the devil not to kick you when you're down) - "The most important words a man can say are 'I will be better' and the most important step a man can take isn't the first one, it's the next. It's always the next step." - Believing that God is with you isn't just some wishful thinking the way your brain sometimes says it is. How would you even begin to explain your life without his grace. - Don't be crippled with the thought that time is running out. It's okay to take a break and take it slow sometimes. - Most of the things stopping you from doing things are in your mind. - Even though adulthood isn't exactly as you expected, you can still have the life you want for yourself if you work harder. - Positivity isn't about sunshines and meadows and thinking that the future is bright, it is actually believing that you'll be okay and the storms will only make you a better person. I know some of them sound like a bunch of clichés but I have also learned that they are clichés for a reason, they come from people experiencing life and them coming to these conclusions.

I'm back.

Hiii 😌

If someone uses the 'life is short' logic, the best thing that can happen to them is their lives being short. Because the things you do when you have the 'life is short' mentality cannot sustain a long life.

All is well.

My mom knows me too well. I didn't say anything but She knew I was sad and angry and so she just bought me cake and made me food, then poof all the anger is gone now. All is well.

I have a weakness for how you say my name.

May God bless you with people.

You’d think by the time you’re an adult, you’d have experienced every emotion there is. Joy?...... Check. Sadness???? Oh, absolutely. Confusion? My permanent state. But anger? Real, bone-deep, “I need to scream at he top of my lungs” anger? That one’s still new, and honestly, I’d like to return it because I don’t know what to do with it🙄. Every time I feel it, it’s like my brain says, Uhhhhh-oh, we didn’t prepare for this. Quick! Just do… something!!” And by something, I mean anything but actually processing it. If I try to let it out, I crumble. It starts as an angry rant, and before I know it, I’m crying in the bathroom, wondering how I can take it all back. But suppressing it? Oh, that’s even worse. I shove it down, thinking I’ve won, and it sits there like an dormant volcano waiting to erupt at the slightest inconvenience. The thing is, anger is so loud. It’s not like sadness that just sits quietly in the corner, or happiness that floats around. Anger shows up, kicks the door open and says, Let’s fight! But instead of fighting, I stand there, unsure if I should scream, cry, or just lie down and let it pass. Spoiler: it doesn’t pass. I think what I hate most is how unfamiliar it feels. It’s like someone handed me a completely new emotion and said, “Here, figure this out!” And I’m standing there, like, “Does it come with instructions???? A manual??” No? Cool. I’ll just keep figuring it out as I go and hope for the best. So here I am, navigating adulting, a full-time job, and now anger—my least favorite addition to the emotional buffet an emotion I’m trying to learn how to process without crumbling or exploding...... If nothing else, anger has taught me one thing: I’m really, really bad at being mad. But I guess that’s just part of adulting —learning to sit with emotions you don’t like, figuring out what they’re trying to teach you, and maybe (just maybe) not screaming your lungs out every time they show up. Progress, right?

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Take me back to 4th grade.

No Escape. I am one who believed that the only way out was through, that you can't escape your problems by running away. Because at some point or the other they will come back, and you'll have to face them again. Life, to me, was like school, you can't escape lessons or subjects because they were hard. The only way you can move on is to take all the lessons that class has to offer. Well you can get a few wrong and miss some lessons but you'll have a hard time on the next grades because they'll most probably come back more elevated in their complexity. And so this was my mindset until now, I stayed. Persevered through whatever. And when things got tough and i wanted to move on, i asked what lessons was i missing. I tried my best to be a good student at life so that i can move on faster. But these days i started wondering, if taking all the punches life threw was the smart thing to do. Was i being brave or a fool? Should i stay in a situation where there seems to be no lesson? What if moving on or Escaping is the lesson? Ps. My escape button came off as i was thinking about this. It has to mean something.

#poem

GPT wants a break.