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Anyone looking to adopt kittens please dm me , or If you know anyone who wants direct them to me please
@dreamvillean
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I had a thought and i'll try to explain it without sounding like I discovered electricity or something.
I realized that if Iām not alone in a room where nobody can see me I feel like Iām in some kind of game show. Any social interaction or just being outside where people can see me PHYSICALLY feels like a play. Like everyone including me is playing a pretend game but not in a lying way ( i don't even know in what way)
I only noticed this because I have gunfan and had to stay in my room. I havenāt seen anyone in person or talked to anyone for like two days. I felt robbed of my weekend but at the same time I found it comforting. And thatās when it hit me or actually struck me that I probably find being around people more stressful than I thought even the people I dearly loved.
For example greetings. How do people choose what to say when they first spot someone? Do I say hi first? Do I wait? Do I smile? Do I pretend I didnāt see them? like that's the most stressful and awkward moment of my life everyday. Why does it feel like such a performance like Im standing on a stage to introduce a play š
And then there are times I go to functional places like the kebele or subcity or any serious working space and I see people participating in systems I didn't know existed and probably never would and Iām just there realizing how many rules papers objects & concepts are running in the background. It feels like a complex network I accidentally walked into. (I donāt even know how this is related to the original subject I started writing about.)
& Almost all the time after any interaction I realized I question myself if I was kind to others & almost every time itās hard to nail down an answer. Shouldnāt kindness be something I feel immediately instead of having to check later? And if I have to question it does that mean Iāve been unkind before without realizing? Or maybe all the time idk
None of this feels deep btw It just feels like I finally found an explanation for a feeling Iāve had for a long time , which is sitting with friends or family or anywhere people can see me and my vision mentally shifting 360 and doubting the realness of anything. Being seen feels like being on stage.
and anyways I need to touch grass I shared it because Im sad with the fact that I'm letting this channel die
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Repost from į į¦į įį į«
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