Abditory

I love you since the day we met again. @abditoryme🦩

I hope one day you can say his name out loud without feeling like part of you is missing. One day you will finally look at him in the eye without feeling as if you should vanish. I promise you, there will be a day for when you will wake up without feeling tired, without feeling as if your tiny shoulders are burdened too much, a day when you can walk down these roads without remembering his scent or how playfully he jumped in the alleys. Right now, all you can think of is how he ruined so many plans for you, how his name reminds you of empty promises and lies, but someday, when you're not even paying attention, you'll realize that you're not aching any more. When that day comes, I hope you'll be able to forgive yourself for everything that wasn't your fault. I hope a day comes when someone asks you if you knew him. or if if you still had him in your heart and you won't have to bite my inner cheek when you lie about him. I hope someday you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of not giving up when existing felt like a chore. Because it's exhausting being in a body that's tired of living, I hope that a day comes when every part of yours is filled with hope and joy. I am living for the day when you don't have to worry about someone being in your life because being by yourself will be sufficient for you.

Your voice is fading. I can't remember how it sounded anymore. @abditoryme🦩

I starting to forget the sound of your voice. aren't you proud of me? I starting to forget you. That's what you wanted, right? @abditoryme🦩

One thing about trauma, it doesn't have expiry date. Whenever I stumble across things like this, l'll literally getting all the flashback, the pain. And my mind goes, "All I ever wanted was to be heard, to be cared and to be loved." It gets old sometimes but how to get over it? - Bellaahilmi @abditoryme🦩

Being strong is a only option that you have. @abditoryme🍦

Having a lot of trauma is very painful. I have repeatedly tried to forgive everything over the years, but it was not easy, and I even wanted to give up many times. Until I finally realized that if I continued like this, I would never be able to move forward. If I'm just busy learning to forgive people who hurt me, I'll never have time to see sincere and kind people in my life. Now I'm starting to learn to try to see the good things around me, to be able to see positive things that make me happy. Thank you for the good people who never leave me in the most difficult times. I believe that I can be happy without having to be someone else. @abditoryme🍦

Making someone feel seen, heard and understood is the loudest way to love them. @abditoryme🍦

I' never forget the way you let me suffer alone while you're enjoying the company of someone else. @abditoryme🍦

I'm tired but I don't know what kind of rest I need to regain my energy. @abditoryme🍦