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surviving purely out of spite. 𖥔 ݁ ˖ @unicorneliaw on instagram *songs and etc. here **@brokenartists
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once something is said out loud, it doesn’t belong only to you anymore. it lives in someone else’s understanding now. they can think about it later, interpret it in ways you didn’t mean, remember it slightly different than how it felt when you said it.
it becomes something fixed.
and i think i’m a lot more comfortable with my thoughts when they’re still flexible. still mine. still able to be reshaped or softened before anyone else sees them.
so when i say something real, there’s this immediate loss of control.
and i don’t think i handle that well at all.
it’s like i want to be known, but only in ways i can manage. only in ways that still feel safe, still feel contained.
i want someone to understand me deeply, but i also want to decide exactly how they get to that understanding.
which doesn’t really work.
-the guilt after being vulnerable
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and i’ve always found that strange. how telling the truth can feel like doing something wrong.
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I think we as people over glorify resilience a little too much, and I think we should stop. <3
