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ErosCoaching.com
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All things ErosCoaching.com. Headed by Sexologist Dr Martha Tara Lee :)
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Channel Posts
| 2 | I rejected my first applicant for the next intake of the Professional Certificate in Sexuality Education today.
Good intentions matter. But this training is designed for practising counsellors and therapists who want to become more competent and confident in supporting clients around sexuality.
Clients bring desire, sexual pain, sexual functioning, shame, consent, identity, relationships and intimacy into the room. They deserve practitioners who are prepared to meet these conversations with skill, accuracy and care.
www.eroscoaching.com/events/sexedcert5 | 22 |
| 3 |  ErosCoaching.com/events | 25 |
| 4 | What are Kegels and how to do them? My comments on CNA article on this is here https://lnkd.in/p/gr-hVXs5 | 33 |
| 5 | A self-proclaimed sex educator in Singapore recently said on a podcast that there are safe ways to do choking.
I am angry because people trust sex educators. When someone with that label says this, it can sound like permission â or a technique people can simply learn and get right.
There is no technique that makes neck pressure safe. The neck is not an area where you can reliably judge force, duration, or what is happening inside somebodyâs body. Serious injury can occur without bruising or an immediate crisis. A person may not know they have been harmed until later.
Calling it âsafe chokingâ does more than soften the language. It gives people false confidence in a practice with no safe threshold.
If somebody wants intensity, dominance, surrender, or a strong bodily sensation during sex, those wants can be explored in other ways. But educators have a responsibility not to market risk as skill. https://www.theage.com.au/national/got-a-buzzing-or-ringing-in-your-ears-here-s-what-the-experts-say-20260825-p60rb5.html?utm_content=feed&utm_term=metros_social_eds&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=the_age&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwY2xjawUAsfhwZG9mBWV4dG4DYWVtAjEwAGJyaWQRMXFPRWNJQXNHQ2ZOOFFnQklzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEeYTEoJveXOZ7mectaC0mhityY8VY0RGZV_FgLEuCrxabm91RMWdyc3G92SDA_aem_MMXPMmLDLlQ-eBvfYsBxYg#Echobox=1788060334 | 62 |
| 6 | Midweek reminder đ
Self-care is not a reward for getting everything done. It is maintenanceâwhat helps you keep going without constantly borrowing from your future energy.
Pause and check in with yourself. What does your body need today? What is draining you? What can you reduce, delegate, postpone or ask for help with?
You do not need to overhaul your life today. Choose one small, realistic action: eat properly, rest, take a short walk, say no to something, or ask someone to share the load.
Pace yourself. Life is a journey, not a race. | 54 |
| 7 | Three days of trauma training. Today is the last day.
One thing I keep coming back to: before trying to stop a behaviour, understand what it is doing for the person.
This short Gabor MatĂŠ video on addiction puts it well. Instead of only asking, âWhy canât they stop?â, ask what pain, threat, or overwhelm the behaviour may be helping them manage.
That does not excuse harm. It does not mean every problem is trauma. But it matters.
When somebody avoids sex, shuts down in conflict, cannot relax enough to be touched, or does something they later regret, I am interested in what happens just before itâand what the response is trying to protect.
Often, people already feel ashamed or defective. They do not need more pressure. They need enough safety and clarity to understand the pattern, then make a different choice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVg2bfqblGI | 51 |
| 8 | +4 We believe in love! This show comes back in Sept! The show will see 4 comics trying to secure dates for 8 singles! We have 3 confirmed featured singles and looking for 5 more!
Singles can apply here
https://forms.gle/j37sExCrfTpUSjnN7
Our comical matchmakers will be
Desmond Charles Perry-Wong
Shaiful Risan
Hiew Wei Jie
Shabeer Comedy
Get your tickets here ErosCoaching.com/events! | 51 |
| 9 | Singaporeâs expanded support for parents matters. But people do not decide whether to marry or have children on a spreadsheet alone.
They are asking whether parenthood will be fair: who will carry the physical impact of pregnancy and birth, the mental load, childcare, career disruption and loss of rest; whether their partner will genuinely share care; and whether they can remain connected as a couple rather than become exhausted co-managers of a household.
As a relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, I see how unequal care can become resentment, disconnection and loss of desire. Childcare leave and financial support help, but only if workplaces make leave and flexibility genuinely usable, and if families do not assume women or grandparents will absorb the unpaid gaps.
If Singapore wants chosen parenthood to feel possible, support must make shared care, workplace flexibility and relationship wellbeing more realistic. Money matters. So do time, fairness and the freedom to decide whether parenthood is right for you.
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/marriage-parenthood-workgroup-identifies-workplace-norms-as-key-challenge-areas-for-earlier-action?utm_source=chatgpt.com | 45 |
| 10 | Marriage is not sexual consent. The Guardian asks how boys who seem âniceâ can still commit sexual harm. One part of the answer is entitlement: the belief that your desire matters more than another personâs comfort, hesitation or no.
The Singapore findings are worrying. A recent AWARE survey found that 55% of male respondents believed a man is entitled to sex in a committed relationship. For marriage, it was 72%. More than one in three believed that once a woman has agreed to sexual activity, a man cannot be expected to stop if she changes her mind.
That is not a small confusion about consent. It is the thinking that makes persistence look romantic, pressure look normal, and a partnerâs change of mind seem unfair.
Marriage does not create sexual entitlement. Being aroused does not make someone unable to stop. Flirting is not consent. Consent can be withdrawn at any point.
We need better sexuality and consent educationânot only for teenagers, but for adults, couples, families, schools and workplaces. Not a one-off lecture about âno means noâ, but practical learning about desire, pressure, boundaries, communication, accountability and bodily autonomy.
Because closeness never cancels consent.
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/today/big-read/masculinity-traditional-norms-household-responsibilities-sexual-consent-6330311
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/aug/22/i-am-often-asked-how-young-boys-could-be-rapists-for-many-adolescent-men-the-answer-is-entitlement-ntwnfb?utm_source=chatgpt.com | 44 |
| 11 | Single in Singaporeâand willing to try something more interesting than another dating app?
The Inclusive Dating Show is looking for eight singles to be featured on stage, plus two bonus singles chosen from the audience on the night.
Four comedians will become playful matchmakers, interviewing the singles with humour, warmth and respect. It is not speed dating, a reality show or therapy. It is comedy, curiosity and the possibility of connectionâlive on stage.
See what happened at our previous showâand decide whether you are brave enough to join us this time. https://youtu.be/pDOiZ8fivzw
You can:
⢠Apply to be one of our featured singles
⢠Buy a ticket and volunteer for a bonus audience spot
⢠Come simply to watch, laugh and cheer everyone on
Participation is voluntary and consent may be withdrawn at any time.
Monday 14 September 2026
7:30â10:00 p.m.
Blu Jaz Cafe, 11 Bali Lane
S$30, including a S$15 drink
Apply as a single and/ or Buy tickets:
https://www.eroscoaching.com/events | 45 |
| 12 | This is a fair and overdue change. A child does not choose the circumstances of their birth. Their access to support for healthcare, education and day-to-day growing up should not depend on whether their parents were married.
The Government can continue to promote marriage as a policy objective without withholding child-related benefits from children of unmarried parents. These are different issues.
For many single mothers, especially those raising a child without practical or financial support from the other parent, this will make a real difference.
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/community/every-child-counts-new-cash-benefits-in-sg-child-support-package-given-to-kids-of-unmarried-mums | 47 |
| 13 | I'd be speaking on Relationship Reset 12 - 12:45p.m. at Suntec tomorrow Sat 29 Aug! I joked Angel and Tim will be there as my backup dancers. Hope to see you there! https://www.eventbrite.hk/e/sph-media-health-wellness-bazaar-2026-tickets-1996995267603 | 48 |
| 14 | We (Glenn, Angel, Tim and I) discussed what parents should teach their kids about puberty, sexuality & boundaries on Kiss92FM this morning! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRRELC8MLYQ | 50 |
| 15 | A Business Insider feature, focused mainly on creators in the United States with one Australian example, looks at âdivorce influencersâ who have turned separation and rebuilding into audiences, books, podcasts and brand partnerships.
I welcome less shame around divorce. Honest stories about its emotional, financial and practical realities can help people feel less alone.
But these creators are not necessarily counsellors. Their experience is theirsânot a universal truth or guidance for every marriage.
There is also a difference between telling your story and publicly punishing a former partner. People have a right to speak about abuse, betrayal and harm, but recruiting followers to diagnose, shame or attack someone they do not know is different. Former partners and children may also have to live with the public consequences.
Creators are vulnerable too. Their words can be taken out of context, misunderstood or attacked. When painful content attracts attention and pays the rent, they may feel pressured to keep reliving itâor remain publicly identified with one painful chapter of their life.
Audiences can also absorb some of that distress, especially when the content connects with their own unresolved pain.
Social media prefers a simple story: the ex was toxic, divorce was liberation, and the glow-up proves it. Real life is rarely that tidy. People can feel grief and relief, love and anger, freedom and fear at the same time.
Talking openly about divorce can reduce isolation, and earning from your story is not automatically wrong. But a relatable personal account is not balanced context, professional guidance or counselling.
https://www.businessinsider.com/divorce-influencers-instagram-tiktok-rebrand-making-money-2026-8 | 61 |
| 16 | As a Singaporean sexologist, I have spent my career trying to make it safer for people to talk about sexuality without shame, fear or misinformation. This announcement worries me.
NCSS is spending S$5.6 million over three years on behavioural-addiction support, including âproblematic pornography useâ. More support is welcome. But without real sexuality expertise, it risks pathologising consensual adult sexuality and misdiagnosing the actual problem.
Clients already come to me calling themselves âsex addictsâ or âporn addictsâ when they are not. They may enjoy sex, masturbate often, watch porn, have a stronger desire than their partner, or feel guilty because of religion and shame-based sexual messaging. None of this makes somebody an addict.
Some people do have compulsive tendencies and need support. But compulsivity is not a casual label. The clinical framework requires persistent difficulty controlling sexual behaviour and significant impairment in daily life. Distress based entirely on moral disapproval is not enough for a diagnosis.
The research is far less neat than public language suggests. A 2024 study of 82,243 people across 42 countries found that 3.2% to 16.6% scored above a screening threshold for problematic pornography use, depending on the questionnaire used. A screening result is not a diagnosis of âporn addictionâ. It shows why careful clinical assessment matters. BĹthe et al., 2024
For couples, the question is not: âIs porn good or bad?â Ask what role it is playing. Is there persistent loss of control? Is it interfering with work, sleep, sex, relationships or daily functioning? Are there repeated broken agreements? Is one partner experiencing betrayal while the other feels controlled?
Singapore needs support that can recognise genuine compulsivity without treating sexual expression as pathology. Without proper training in sexuality, consent, shame, relationships and trauma, this funding could reinforce an abstinence-first, shame-based response where people need clinical accuracy and care.
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/community/ncss-funding-over-5m-for-more-agencies-to-help-those-addicted-to-gaming-porn-and-gambling?utm_source=chatgpt.com | 53 |
| 17 | We need to stop confusing sexual expression with sexual objectification. Only the person involved knows how she experiences her body, her choices, and her participation. We should not look at a woman in a revealing outfit and decide she is empowered, exploited, or has âinternalisedâ anything. That is not ours to diagnose.
But we can still examine the advertisement. Does it show her as a person with agency, perspective and desire? Or does it fragment her body and use it as visual material to sell an unrelated product? Whose gaze is being served? What is the actual creative idea beyond âa sexualised woman will get attentionâ?
A woman choosing to appear in an ad does not automatically make the campaign respectful. Nor does a sexual image automatically make it degrading.
The point is not to become prudish or police womenâs bodies. It is to be more precise about where responsibility lies: with the brands, agencies and platforms that keep treating womenâs bodies as an easy shortcut for attention.
When will things change? When âsex sellsâ is no longer accepted as enough of an idea. https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/women/sexist-advertising-objectifying-women-587346?utm_source=chatgpt.com | 49 |
| 18 | Menopause is not only a medical experience. It can also be a relationship experience.
A July 2026 mixed-methods study of 441 postmenopausal women in TĂźrkiye found that greater perceived support from husbands was associated with fewer menopausal symptoms, less sexual distress and better mental wellbeing.
Many participants also reported inadequate support and having to rely on their own coping strategies.
The study was cross-sectional, so it does not prove that spousal support caused better outcomes. Its findings may not apply equally across different cultures and relationships.
Still, the practical message matters. Support can mean learning about menopause, listening without minimising symptoms, sharing the mental and domestic load, and responding to changes in desire or sexual comfort without pressure or blame.
A partner cannot âfixâ menopause. They can, however, avoid making it lonelier or harder.
Read the study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/42461219/ | 54 |
| 19 | I was on KISS92âs The Big Show this morning talking about what really turns women on â and it is rarely just about technique.
We unpacked desire, emotional safety, pressure, communication, and things that shape intimacy long before anyone gets to the bedroom.
Watch the conversation here https://www.youtube.com/live/saGC0Q1IQ4M?si=_sltCMdWoeaF_Wyi | 65 |
| 20 | This is a useful reminder that warmth and physical touch are not the same thing.
In counselling training, we learn not to assume that touch is welcome, neutral, or helpful. It can feel intrusive, and can take a client out of the safety and progress they are building. As a clinical sexologist, I am even more deliberate about boundaries: I do not touch my clients.
It is surprising that it has taken an incident like this for the issue to become obvious. Good intentions do not cancel a childâsâor anybodyâsâright to decide who touches their body.
Consent needs to be taught from young. And adults teach it not only through words, but by modelling it: asking, waiting for an answer, and respecting it. We can be friendly, affectionate and connected across generations without assuming physical access to another personâs body.
https://www.asiaone.com/singapore/bei-ing-wanton-mee-halimah-yacob-seniors-children-intergenerational-bonds | 61 |
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