Abstract Thoughts

Walking the rope had taught me many valuable lessons along the way. It had taught me to stay focused on my goal, to keep my eyes fixed on the other side of the rope, even when the path ahead seemed treacherous and unclear. It had also taught me to stay balanced, to find the center of gravity within myself and use it to stay steady on the rope. But most importantly, walking the rope had taught me the power of perseverance and determination. It had shown me that even when the odds seemed stacked against me, even when I stumbled and fell, I had the strength and resilience to get back up and keep going. It was a reminder that every step I took, no matter how small, was a step closer to my dreams and aspirations. In the end, walking the rope had become a metaphor for life itself. It was a journey that required me to face my fears, take risks, and keep moving forward, no matter what obstacles I encountered along the way. It was a journey that had taught me to believe in myself and my abilities, and to trust in the universe to guide me towards my ultimate destiny. And so, I kept walking the rope, one step at a time, knowing that the only way to truly live was to embrace the journey, and all the ups and downs that came with it. As I walked the rope, I realized that my journey was not just about reaching the other side, but also about being witnessed along the way. I wanted someone to see me, to acknowledge my existence and the struggles I faced. I wanted to be heard, to have someone understand the battles that raged inside me, and to support me on my journey. It was a lonely road at times, and the silence of the voices in my head only amplified that feeling. But even in my solitude, I knew that there were others out there, walking their own ropes and facing their own challenges. And so, I reached out to them, sharing my story and listening to theirs, building a community of support and understanding. Through this community, I found the witnesses I had been seeking, people who saw me for who I was and accepted me, flaws and all. They witnessed my existence and reminded me that I was not alone in my struggles. They gave me strength and courage, inspiring me to keep going, even when the rope seemed to be shaking beneath my feet. I learned that being witnessed was not just about having someone see me, but also about seeing others and offering them support and understanding. It was about building connections and relationships that enriched my life and gave it meaning. It was about recognizing that we are all on this journey together, and that by witnessing each other, we can help each other reach the other side of the rope. *efx*

Tightrope The voices in my head have been quiet for some time now, Its not a nice change. They have been my source of comfort an familiarity even when they were loud and rude. Now they are silent, leaving me alone I am only left with my thoughts and they aren't always pleasant. The voices had a tug of war going in my mind, a battle between the part that was ready to give up, the fighter who is always in rage and the starved artiest whose work was never understood. It was like being pulled from all the possible directions all at once. I want to be witnessed as I walk on this tight rope called life. I have come a long way. I can not see where the rope begins or where it ends. The voices used to tip the scale in favor of safety, telling me to stat where I am to avoid the risk at all cost, but now that they are quiet I am left alone to make these choices. Every time I try to see forward into the distance I lose my focus and every time I look back, I cant keep my balance. Everyone expects me to keep going, but there words feel distant. I cant help but feel the enormity of what is waiting for me. Every time I took a step I could feel the rope shaking beneath me. Threatening to drop me into the abyss. I want to scream, shout until my throat starts bleeding and I can no longer utter words, I wanted to cry out for help, but I didn't because I knew I was going to drag down everyone I loved into the abyss with me. I had to balance my fear of falling with my desire to make it to the other side. I had to balance the fear of my dreams dying with the hope that I could one day make it. I was juggling to many things at once. I had to leave behind a few things that only added to my anxiety and fear. And once I let go of all the extra weight the line wasn't shaking anymore. I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing trying to find that fire that burns within my soul, catching the wind that lifts my spirt, trusting in my body to move forward. It wasn't easy, and I stumbled more than once, but I kept going inch by inch. Its a slow journey, walking to the other-side. Am not sure if am making any progress at all but it was either I make it to the other-side or fall of the rope entirely. The thought of staying where I was hurt more than the idea of falling. Staying where I was meant remaining in a place of deep pain. Staying where my heart had been broken, my spirit shattered and dreams laughed at. It was a place where I had lost the person I loved, the person who had been my world. But more than that, it was a place where I had lost myself, where I had felt unloved, unwanted, and like a burden to those around me. Every breath I took in that place felt like a struggle, a reminder of all the pain and suffering I had endured. It was a place where the weight of my past and my insecurities had become unbearable. The thought of staying there, of remaining trapped in that cycle of pain and self-doubt, had become too much. It was a prison that I had built for myself, one that I knew I needed to escape from if I ever wanted to be truly happy. The idea of falling of the rope, taking a risk and venturing into the unknown had become a beacon of hope in my darkest hour. It was a chance to break free from the chains that had held me back for so long and to find a new path, one that was filled with light and love. As I took one step after another, inching my way towards the other side of the rope, I realized that the only way to truly move forward in life was to walk the rope. It was a metaphor for the journey I had embarked on, one that was filled with uncertainties, challenges, and risks. It was a journey that required me to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the unknown, to let go of my fears and trust in my own abilities.

"There are some natures too noble to curb and too lofty to bend." *Marmee*

Final words, until the next chapter I am trying to exist, but I am running out of time. Am trying to do better, be better. Sometimes, I forget that I am real and not some self-improvement project. The reality is that this world is full of pain. As humans, our instinct is to run away from pain, but when everything around you hurts, where do you run? If I am the cause of my own suffering, where do I hide ? My whole life, I have been running away from myself, too afraid to shine the light on the truth. Too cowardly to admit feelings of love. I see now how in this world it is easy to lie and hate. But it takes courage to love and speak the truth. There is no need to run away anymore. The pain with love is how you grow, and the pain with truth is how you learn. It's through my existence and the passage of time that I become a better human. Not by trying to fix myself and everything around me. If I were to stop existing this very second I would leave you with these words. "Have the courage to discover the truth, and embrace the love that surrounds you." *efx*

The Doctor : Between you and me, in a hundred words, where do you think Van Gogh rates in the history of art? Curator : Well... um... big question, but, to me Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly the most popular, great painter of all time. The most beloved, his command of colour most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world, no one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange, wild man who roamed the fields of Provence was not only the world's greatest artist, but also one of the greatest men who ever lived

"Sir, why do we fall?" Alfred asked a young Bruce Wayne as he was lying on the ground, defeated. "So we can learn to pick ourselves up," Bruce replied.

Mild-tempered Anger, resentment, spite and vengeance Don’t let these demons have a place in your heart I know its hard in this world we live in To keep your heart safe from the dread of misery Evil crawls at every corner waiting for our downfall and trouble Lets not give it an inch For if it takes a hold, you will surely suffer It will take your joy and it will snatch your dreams If you had any hope, now you best believe. It darkens souls and corrupts mind If not treated in time you will surely die There is an antidote for these poisonous thoughts Fight evil with the power of good Forgive past transgressions Be kind to one another smile at someone looking down Reach Out to those who might be lonely Give a compliment to those around Extend your hands for someone in need Learn to be of service to other Be gentle and kind with your words Share what you have with love And fear no one when speaking the truth When your mind is strong and your spirit high There won't be a place for demons to spawn They will tell you that you are scared They will taunt you for being week Don't let them push your buttons You are wiser than you think. *efx*

✊may we meet again

🥺🥺This hit

And this time there were no tears because they knew if they started they wouldn't be able to stop. So they said there goodbyes with the biggest smile, hoping for miracle that they might see eachother again. *efx*

My demons haunt me In the dead of night They whisper in my ear And give me no respite They tell me I am worthless And that I'll never win They fill me with self-doubt And make me give in But I won't let them win I won't let them take control I'll fight them with all my might And give them no more hold For I am stronger than they know And I have a greater power In the love of my savior And the grace of the Highest Tower So I'll stand my ground And face my demons down For in the end, I'll be victorious And wear the victor's crown. *gpt*

"The human soul doesn't want to be advised or fixed or saved, it simply wants to be witnessed, exactly as it is." Parker Palmer

Empty words The words that I am about to write can't express what I want to say, but here they go again. Following one another, trying to find there place in a sentence. I enjoy watching them struggle, as they are trying to make sense of all the mess I am. They can't possibly fathom what is happening in my heart, they can't encapsulate my thoughts, after all they are just words. But that hasn't stopped them from trying. They arrange themselves to ask me "how are you doing?" Knowing full well that my options are scarce. Do I say fine ? What does fine mean anyways? The word gets used so frequently in every interaction that it has lost its meaning to me. Fine as an adjective means "of high quality " and as an adverb it means " in a satisfactory or pleasing manner ". Am I "of high quality" ? Compared to who? If it's comparing me to other people then I am a biased person, the question should exclude me. Am I living in " a satisfactory or pleasing manner " ? I can answer that one, definitely not. Am never satisfied always struggling to be better than what I was yesterday. So according to words I am either biased and confused or not fine all the time. I wish words had more alternatives, for all my peculiar thoughts, sometimes they are so bad I wish we could understand one another with out them. Trying to make us put words to feelings we don't understand, we become liars. We become a sociopatha pathological liar trying to abuse words for our own benefits. Now everyone is walking around with their trust issues we can't tell whats real from what's fake. The word love is a great example. It means "an intense feeling of deep affection", we define it as being a greater amount of affection, but what affection mean ? It is "A gentel feeling of fondness or liking", but was is fondness? It is "affection or liking for someone or something". The fault with words is that we can only use other words to describe them and that puts us in a loop we can't escape. According to our definition love would be an intense feeling of deep and gentle feeling of affection or liking of something. But we use the word to describe feelings we can't contain, feelings greater than liking or intense fondness. But we give it attributes that it doesn't have, like saying its eternal, you only have one true love, love is blind, love is the strongest bond, love is poison, love is a weapon, love is an illusion, love is a battle, love is a game, love is an open door, love is a disease, love is pure, love is all you need. At the end of the day the word can only mean what it was supposed to mean. I wonder how many things we are missing out on, because we don't have words for them. Things we can't comprehend because we don't know they exists. If only we could understand each other eachother better. This truly makes me sad. I will end my ranting with my favorite quote by Arthur Schopenhaure. “The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost.” *efx*

Shadow An image so true, an emotion so raw that we hide it from the real world Banned from reality only to exist trapped inside the unconscious, The shadow, the id, the unwanted misfortune. Constantly being judged by the superego and society always in chains, always in the dark, always in the corner. Constantly being blamed by reality for all the misfortunes, all the burden and all of the pain. There is a place where all the unwanted things go. A box where we keep all our secrets. And the shadow grows stronger every day feeding out of the box on all the guilt, anxiety, shame, weakness and pain. It grows darker and deeper until it's strong enough to project its self into the dream world. It will find us in this semi conscious realm and fight us. Once it's strong enough it gains oneironautics, the battle beings. By day the superego rules and by nightfall the shadow. Our mind a battle field between our darkest desires and every moral we hold, the beast vs the iron fist, the shadow monster vs knight in shining armor. We will have no peace until we accept that the shadow we hate so much is not a monster or a demon just our reflection. And we will have no rest until our superego realizes that we will never be perfect, only better than yesterday. *efx*

Remark The air is fuelled with tension Everyone is walking on eggshells. I have seen new hatred born Enemies hiding as friends like aTrojan Horse. I have heard atrocious gossips about people from their own blood and house. Fearing the times that waits upon us I say to you this, One must pray with one eye open before breaking bread, because the brothers and sisters that sit and sip from the same cup can not be trusted. Where does one find a place were they are worth something? Were they are respected for their loyalty, honor, bravery rather than the fear and obedience they display? I wish not to think of such things while among my peers, But I have witnessed this far too many times. And it breaks my heart to speak of such foul things. If only I could read the heart like I could faces. Without saying a word they speak pages in just a few seconds, And if it was the heart perhaps I could have read volumes of books And within the chapters we would find the core to all the mistrust and misunderstanding. Only then we could be better than our forefathers. *efx*